Love and Security

It's weird how having someone that you love and who loves you back, having that special someone, that significant other, completely alters everything.

No matter where you are, what you're doing, or how you look, you feel safe and secure. You never feel alone. Someone is waiting to hear all about your day. Someone is waiting to hug you and kiss you. Someone is waiting to find out what you two are going to do for dinner. Someone appreciates your random phone call.

Then when that is gone... When it's taken away, suddenly the world is huge.

The spaces around you are enormous.

The people around you are looking at you, evaluating you.

And for the first time in a long time, you actually care.

You don't have that security and that love anymore, so you focus on the terrible things some stranger might be thinking about you.

Suddenly it matters that you have a bad hair day or that you're not wearing makeup.

Suddenly you've got no one to call on the spur of the moment.

And your Friday night plans are not assumed, or even existent at all.

Suddenly, you feel more alone than you've ever felt.

Comments

Amy said…
Hi Janae, my name is amy and i'm friends with Tanner. I believe he told you awhile back that I came across yours and his blogs and that I really enjoyed reading yours because so many of your entries I could relate to. I have felt the same way you have felt in some of your entries at times. I love your honesty in your writing. I happened to open your blog tonight and saw this entry. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I know I am a stranger but I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and pray that you will be comforted through this difficult time. Sometimes I wonder why we go through things like this, but I know it is for a reason...which I'm sure you hear all the time...but coming from a difficult divorce I know there is purpose and meaning if we cling to our Savior...and I know you will. You are a strong and faithful person. Thank you for your example and honesty in your words. They have helped me through difficult times in my life. My prayers are with you.
January 7, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Hambone Jacobs said…
janae, oh my friend. I love you and I know what you are going through completely sucks but you aren't alone, or being judged. I am there for you whatever time or day it is. Love ya.

Amber
January 12, 2009 at 3:29 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

November GBOMB

Image
I missed October. I just didn't have the mental energy or time to commit to it. But I like doing these. It helps me reflect more about what I'm thinking and experiencing in life rather than just listing what I do in a day like a news report.  So in November... Good California. Everything about it. AJ did so well on the way there and on the way home. The weather was great--rainy day included. Being with my dad and watching him connect with AJ. Watching my brothers love on AJ. AJ getting to run around outside. The only downside is that my favorite donut shop was only open one day we were home, and they didn't have my favorite one.  Family photos. I love them! We took them at Wheeler Farm again, and Ali had them to us in two days. She's so good at what she does, and I was able to order our holiday cards super fast.  Christmas. Lights. Decorations. Music. It makes the short, dark days easier. Having Christmas music or movies playing just brings so much cheer.  Exercise. Wit
Read more

November in Review

Image
November 1 I had a four hour fierce conversations training at work. I ran some errands after work. It was a normal evening at home, and Matthew and I watched lessons in chemistry.  November 2 I was awake at 6:00 and lifted weights. It was a work from home day. We went as a family to eat dinner at Salt City burger company, which was pretty disappointing. It was a normal evening at home.  November 3 I was up at 6:30 and went on a walk. I worked for a few hours. I got most of the house cleaning done as well as three loads of laundry. We went as a family to Cornbelly's. It was perfect weather and not crowded. After bedtime Matthew and I ate panda express and watched lessons in chemistry.  November 4 we all got up at 7:00. I went on a run. I did my laundry, took AJ grocery shopping, got Dutch Bros, and took AJ to play outside. After AJ's nap we went to Cornbelly's just the two of us for the very last time. It was a normal evening after that (dinner, bedtime, etc.).  November 5 A
Read more

Disaster Praxis and Spilled Milk

Image
I never wake up with the expectation that it will be a bad day. I tend to wake up with very few expectations, in fact. I just intend to let things play out however they may and roll with the punches. I'm sure more conscious positive thinking would do me some good, but I am by no means thinking negatively. I got up this morning before my alarm intending to get dressed, eat, and head over to the University of Utah for my reading Praxis . This is a 2-hour long test consisting of 90 multiple choice questions and 3 written responses. Not the way anyone likes to spend her Saturday morning, but it has to be done, ya know?  I've been studying for the past week. I took the practice test last night and didn't do so well on it, but I tried to be confident and hope for the best.  So I ate my granola, yogurt, and mango for breakfast and drove over to the U, prepared with my ticket and #2 pencils. Since I just took another Praxis not too long ago at the same place, I felt OK
Read more