July GBOMB

Good

California and the beach. I stubbornly insisted on a beach trip during our California trip over the 4th of July weekend. There was a lot of noise in my ear about traffic and crowds. But we went to Crystal Cove, arriving about 9am, and it wasn't bad AT ALL. The hike down and back up with a three year old whose flip flops kept sliding off was a little challenging. But otherwise it was an awesome time. AJ loved it. Memories made. 

Garden. It's fun to have AJ help me round up ripe tomatoes almost daily. He loves it, and he loves to eat them, I think mostly because we grew them! We’ve had a lot of cucumbers but sadly they haven’t tasted very good. Two jalapenos are coming in, and I’ve attempted another round of squash that has brought up seedlings already. We will see. I’m excited to get some things planted for fall harvest – spinach, lettuce, and carrots. 

The tomatoes are now bending over the tops of the cages

Freebies. Our company has a "swap shop" online, and someone was giving away a fairly new Graco Extend2Fit car seat. Since the one in Matthew's car is used, it doesn't have a ton of time left before it expires. Grabbing this is a HUGE upgrade and will probably last until AJ outgrows it, which is awesome. Grateful for people's generosity. 

Cycle. I had my first mostly normal period in over a year and a half. I actually didn’t spot for the 3-5 days like normal, and my cycle was longer than usual. I wonder if it has to do with adding in T3 or adding in the DIM supplement. Whatever is going on, I’ll take it! 

AJ. His feelings are big. He’s copying daycare kids saying “shut up” and other rude things. He pushes back and tests boundaries. He makes messes. But it’s also SO fun to watch him grow and learn, and answer questions like “Where’s dad?” and he says “He’s outside.” He loves to talk to everyone. Everyone is a friend. He wants to say hi and be social. He especially loves our downstairs neighbors. It’s just really fun to watch him grow up. He tells me he loves me now. He gives me flowers. He insists that Matthew and I give each other a kiss when I leave in the morning, and wants to do a family hug. I am relieved when I put him to sleep and excited when I go get him to wake up. He really is everything. 

NaPro. It’s just been really nice to have a doctor take time with me, validate my concerns, and try to dig into root causes of infertility. I’m optimistic about this next year and really hope we can conceive. I feel grateful my midwife told me about NaPro and grateful the provider is nearby and in my insurance network.

Bad

Biopsy and results. The biopsy itself really wasn't too bad - the worst part was the cramping on the way to work. But it was manageable--I've been through so much worse. I wasn't expecting results for 2-3 weeks, but I guess I misunderstood. The initial endometritis/endometriosis marker test only took two days. I was weirdly disappointed with the results. I almost wanted it to be endometritis because that's a round of antibiotics and a re-test. The test said no endometritis, but yes to endometriosis, which I was diagnosed with in 2013. It's left me with a lot of questions. (I've always had this, so this isn't really an answer. Is it worse since having my son? Is the only option another laparoscopy?) 

Glucose test. I had to hang out at Lone Peak Hospital for a couple of hours to do a fasting glucose test per my fertility doctor. I was able to grab stuff from work to be able to work while I was there and not lose time. But getting stuck on the left, then the right an hour later, then the left again another hour later, plus that AWFUL glucose drink, was not my favorite time. 

Heat. I don’t know why. I love summer. But I’m struggling in this heat this year. I feel so drained from it. 

Sleep. It’s been a disaster. I wake up multiple times a night dreaming vividly or being hot or uncomfortable. I don’t know the last time I slept soundly, honestly. 

Ear wigs. They are much less in the house than they were a couple months ago. But I learned in gardening class they’re attracted to decay. So they had a huge egg-filled colony in a couple of my dying cucumber leaves. It was the most earwigs I’ve ever seen in one places, and it was terrible. I hate them so much. 

The house. I feel like I am just enduring living in this house. I love having a garden, but that’s one of the few upsides for me of this living situation. It is just so old and dirty and frustrating. 

Rashes. I keep getting rashes on my forearms for whatever reason. I’m wondering if it’s due to having my hands and arms all up in my cucumber plant, and it’s irritating my skin? It shouldn’t be my laundry detergent. I don’t know. But it is ugly and itchy. 

On My Brain

Teaching licensure. I decided one day, as I often do, to take a gander at what it would take to renew my teaching license. And I jumped in and started the process. It was an online class, a policy test, a form with admin signature, development hours, and fingerprinting. Nothing too crazy--the hardest parts were the fingerprints and the admin signature. But I am hoping this opens some doors for me if things keep going south at my company. I saw an Instagram post someone shared that you could make more in a year teaching home school kids than teaching public school. I'm not sure what kind of interest there is for that in my area, but it's worth a look. 

Emotions. I don't know what was going on mid-month, but just about everything was making me want to cry. Hearing about this poet on Instagram passing away from cancer, when I don't even follow them! My son sobbing when he heard the first 10 seconds "What Was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish - wrecked me seeing him so affected. Watching the new Superman made me misty. I just feel like everything is making me cry, and I don’t know why. 

Imposter syndrome. I used to run a lot of miles. It took me a really long time and even a few races for me to call myself a runner. I’ve been consistently power lifting since January, and have a hard time calling myself a power lifter. My first meet will be in November. I wonder how many meets it will take to feel like I am a power lifter. 

Doula work. I’m not sure how much I want to keep putting in. I took down my website and changed it to Instagram only. I don’t know that I have the flexibility with work. I got lucky this last month because I didn’t have any classes I was going to support, and my client got induced, so I had the luxury of knowing when she’d go in. But I had to use a lot of PTO, which is a bummer because I won’t have anything to carry over into next year if I do get pregnant. Doula work is so hard. It is hard watching things play out in a way we don’t want. It is hard to offer guidance and advice and have clients choose something that didn’t lead to good outcomes, then pick up the pieces. It is hard to stay up all night. It is hard to let my husband handle home and child on his own for an unknown length of time. I don’t know that I’ve felt the rewarding aspect of it enough to continue on this path.