May GBOMB

Good

Memorial Day. The whole weekend actually, was just really good. I was in the yard a LOT. I'm grateful to have a yard. We went to the movies. We went to the pool. It just was a really good weekend. I'm grateful for my little family. 

A yard. The best (maybe one of the only good) thing about the house we moved into this month is the yard. I have spent so many hours out there preparing and planting and watering. I hope we get lots of tomatoes and other things. We only bought ONE broccoli plant, one cucumber plant, one zucchini plant, and one jalapeno plant--best not to spend money if we're going to kill everything. But I just love being outside. I love AJ being outside. It's been so good for me. 

Renters. We have renters. We have a deposit. We're waiting for June rent. But really just grateful we have something for the next year. 

The condo. It looks incredible. We had the laundry room tiled. We had common areas and the hallway bathroom repainted. We had the cabinets painted and hardware added. And next is the new light fixtures. I am excited. It will look beautiful. 

Beauty. I'm just easily overcome lately as we've spent time in garden sections and at the nursery. On May 28 Matthew and I cut some roses in full bloom to enjoy inside before they died outside. I kept feeling the urge to cry as I looked at them. Who knew flowers and just being around live growth could make one so weepy? 

Lifting. I've been getting in all my lifts this month, and have been seeing some awesome progress with all of my lifts. I tested my 1 rep max this last week of the month and have been excited to see where it's at. Progress is fun. 

Bad

Bloating. I don't know what was going on, but I had severe bloating and pain from May 22 to May 25. I spent $63 on a telehealth visit. What helped in the end? Simethicone. Yeah. Ridiculous, and not even sure what caused the upset, especially for that length of time. 

Cleaning. Just not excited to clean our condo. I guess it's not THAT bad. I'm especially dreading all the drawers and cabinets. I did the bathrooms on May 24, other than the vanities/cabinets. But very overwhelmed by the kitchen cabinets and drawers. I got a quote from a friend who does cleaning, and I think we're just going to do it ourselves because we have time. 

The move. All in all things went fairly smoothly. But living only a 1 mile drive from our condo made it so that we left some stuff behind. We've had endless trips to the condo bringing back more stuff. It's just prolonged the whole thing. Plus, finding out all kinds of things about the house on the day we moved in was really upsetting. We knew it was outdated. But guys, there isn't even a wall port for a coax cable. There is no central air. This wasn't explicitly disclosed. There's no blinds in the bedrooms. There was a huge unpainted patch on the wall behind the dryer. The carpets were not professionally cleaned, so it smelled TERRIBLY like dog pee in every room, especially AJ's. The things that are outdated and ugly are SO outdated and ugly. It's been hard to make our condo look so wonderful for a renter (and not for ourselves) while moving into an old janky smelly house. I've asked myself alllllll month if we did the right thing. The yard (see above) it's what's keeping me going. But I'm already ready to start looking for the home we buy next year. 

Money. Just feels like we're bleeding money with the condo projects and the needed improvements at the new place--pulling lots out of savings. Thankfully we can take the improvements off our rent check, but it still has been a painful month financially. 

Work. There have been some big announcements recently about tariffs' impact on our company, pulling back spending, finding ways to reduce costs, and preserve jobs. There has been a lot of restructuring, including in HR. A huge group in IT got laid off a couple of weeks ago. I do not feel any sense of job security right now, which is really scary. I'm afraid they're going to say that my manager can take on the things that I do, so they don't need me. I'd like to think that's not the case as I'm almost done with my TESOL certificate and am set to teach ESL Level 2 starting in August, and the ESL program is super important to the culture here. I'm also going to take on some other tasks for a coworker who's moving into another role. And we're hiring for two roles in HR. But it still feels precarious and stressful. I've even had dreams about being let go. 

On My Brain

Motherhood and attachment. On May 27, AJ was going to go to his grammy's house instead of to daycare. He wasn't feeling well because of too much time in the sun on Memorial Day. But he got emotional and said he didn't want to go. He said he just wanted to be with mom and dad. That brought tears to my eyes. I wonder often what kind of damage I might be doing to him, his development, or our attachment by working full-time. I always wanted to be home with my babies, but I don't get to be. And when he has moments like that, I start to feel even more upset and disappointed about it. We are supposed to be with our babies. I want to be with my baby. 

Fertility. On April 10, 9 days after my insurance kicked in, I set an appointment with Dr. Stanford who specializes in NaPro, or restorative reproductive medicine (RRM). The more I read about NaPro, the more excited I am to move forward. My original appointment got moved from June 20 to July 18, sadly. I was poking around his website and read the transcript of a podcast episode he did, where he talked about areas where he would be definitively unable to help. I got a little anxious, especially while I wait two months for my appointment. So I emailed him to let him know I have low AMH, and to see if I'd be a good candidate for his treatment. It felt vulnerable sending off that email. But he replied in FOUR minutes! He said he has people conceive all the time in that AMH range, and that I'd be a good candidate. I was so relieved. I had a friend reply to my story saying it worked for her friend who tried to get pregnant for five years, and now has five kids. At this point, I'm pretty cautious about my optimism. But the fact that there is a route that would want to HEAL and address root causes rather than just try expensive methods to circumvent the issue, and have it be unsuccessful because there is an issue they haven't fixed... I'm excited about that. 

Dance. AJ has been watching Lilo & Stitch on repeat lately. Every time the island music comes on for Lilo's dance class, I feel the urge to start doing hula. I took a summer class in college so many years ago, and loved it. I spent some time trying to find a community class or adult dance class to learn hula or other Polynesian dance, but haven't been able to find anything. I could probably find stuff on YouTube, but going to a class just feels like a better commitment to learning and improving. If I have to pay for and attend a class, I will make it happen.