July GBOMB

Good

California. Disney. 4th of July. Beach. It was a busy trip, and AJ stayed on Utah time, waking us up at 5:30am California time, even after a full day of Disneyland. But everything went really well all in all. Travel was smooth. Plans unfolded as hoped. It was a fun trip. 

Tutoring. I started tutoring a teen weekly for reading but actually now probably more for writing. It definitely feels like a worthy cause. Even if its temporary, I hope it makes a difference for him. 

Book clubs. I'm in a witchy book club, which I missed in July for Cody's birthday party. And we formed a new local book club in Taylorsville. Unfortunately, the first book is the Odyssey which is as boring as I remember. And the August book for Witchy book club is Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, which was so, so boring. So, off to a rough start. But excited to be in a group to talk about books. 

Healing/time. Seeing friends and past loves for the first time in 16 years felt oddly comfortable for me. Aside from the fact that I was sweaty and shiny and feeling a little self conscious about that, it was really good to see everyone and do a little bit of catching up. And everyone was full of kind compliments, which wasn't necessary, but definitely filled my cup. 

Bad

Humidity. Woof. Humidity in California, especially at Disneyland, and humidity in Utah with the monsoons. I'd really just rather not. 

Sciatica issue. On July 9, I hurt my sciatic during a Romanian deadlift. As of this writing, it's been almost two weeks. It's been very frustrating, but hoping that I'm maintaining strength in other ways, using the leg press and belt squat machines. It really stinks to come back from surgery to bust my ass getting ready for a meet to have this happen less than a month out. It's hard to put underwear or pants on. 

Sick again. Feeling like I had allergies that then turned into a cold that then lingered for way too long was just not my favorite time. 

Bugs. I've found a spider in the linen closet and on Max's scratch mat. The ear wigs in my garden are insane. The squash bug battle of 2026 has begun and taken my zucchini plant with it. The carpet beetle larva in my home are prolific. We had a wolf spider and a wasp on my living room rug in the same day. I killed this crazy spider in the basement. MAKE THE BUGS STOP. 

Animals. I'm tired of their shedding. I'm tired of their general grossness, like Max's weird slobber spots all over the couch cover. Max shit on my bed (right where I put my head) after getting locked in my room. Dexter puked everywhere after not eating on Pioneer Day, and he shit on the living room rug. I'm just so sick of BOTH of these animals and never want another animal after these two die. 

Fertility. It seems like we had every obstacle this month. The first was my sciatic nerve, which I didn't take any NSAIDs for due to fertility. Then right in my fertile window I got sick and took expectorant, which in the past has negatively affected my ovulation. Last month our timing/frequency wasn't ideal, and my cycle ended early anyway. It just feels like we can't win. And it's so discouraging. 

Money. An $860+ car repair and almost $1200 dental visit for AJ are wrecking my headspace currently. 

Dentist. I didn't expect AJ's front teeth caps to make me so sad. I didn't know I had looked at his baby teeth for the last time ever. I thought they'd be filled or fixed as-is. So coming home to see different teeth on my baby made me unexpectedly sad. 

Broken car. We were a one car family for 11 days from July 17 until we picked up Matthew's car on July 27. My car's air conditioning is unreliable and temperamental. My passenger door doesn't open, so I had to sit in the back seat or crawl over the console. Having to drag my whole family out the door to get blood work at 7am because we needed to do daycare drop off, and husband needed the car, is just asinine. It's wild people live with this inconvenience as their standard way of life. 11 days was too many days for me to be operating this way. 

On My Brain 

Car seat/growing. We turned AJ's car seat front-facing on Sunday, July 19. AJ has front faced in a few circumstances, like in my dad's car when we visit California. He's never complained about rear facing. But being he's at 39 pounds (the limit is 40 in my car), and we're surviving in one car for a bit, it seemed like a good time. Having him turned around is doing a NUMBER on me. I didn't know it would be such a big deal, and it's making me very emotional how big he is and how big he looks. 

Travel. I've been following a "travel point" account and email newsletter. I recently opened a credit card, which is just against my nature altogether. But being that I am financially responsible, don't abuse credit cards, and have really good credit, I figured a travel points card is an opportunity to leverage my financial savviness to go places. Travel is not otherwise in the budget since buying our home, so I'm hoping this is a way to do that. I applied for the Chase Sapphire Preferred Card and am going to get 100,000 points for spending $5,000 in three months. I have a strategy/plan, and I am hopeful we can benefit from this. In another 6-12 months I may apply for another Chase card to continue to pool my points to see what adventures we may be able to go on as a family. 

Fertility. This month's cycle was a mess with my illness and Guaifenesin pushing my ovulation back. I thought I had found my LH peak, did my trigger shot, still had fertile signs three days later, and had my temperature spike five days later. I just hate feeling like no matter what I do it isn't good enough. I was absolutely spiraling after my temp spike on 7/23 feeling like I didn't give us the best chances, not knowing my cycle would be so late and wonky.

Motherhood. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of "moms first," kind of people lately. Which is weird to me. I'm not someone who thinks women need to wrap up their whole identity in motherhood. I believe in self-care and healthy boundaries. But I also think motherhood requires discomfort and sacrifices, especially when we have literal data on what's best for babies. As an example, opting for a C section voluntarily (which is also significantly more dangerous for a mother) deprives baby of the important experience of labor that is vital for their development and reflexes. ("The intense physical stress of contractions initiates a massive surge of adaptive hormones and physical stimulation that primes the infant's central nervous system for life outside the womb.") Your avoidance of healing from your previous birth trauma does not supersede the benefits of labor for your baby. Or, just because breastfeeding was hard the first time doesn't mean you shouldn't try it a second time. Nobody is saying pumping isn't hard work (I've done it; it's harder than nursing). But, the facial/jaw development that comes from nursing cannot be understated. It affects airways, breathing, sleep, behavior, and so many other things. Avoiding the natural design because it caused you some upset previously just isn't the way. There's too much information out there and too many resources out there to be able to make it work on some level. When you became a mom, you took on the responsibility of doing what's best for baby. And sometimes that is at a high cost to you; that's parenting. I don't think "everyone should push through" and suffer. I do think everyone should make a reasonable effort to do what's best for their baby before deciding to step back or pivot. Just this, "happy mom above everything else," or "choose what's easiest for me," thing really is bothersome to me. Parts of motherhood are hard. That's what we signed up for. Is there more to this conversation? Do I think moms need way more support, and that we deserve a village? Yes. Do I think birth and breastfeeding need to be normal things we see and know about? Yes. But just this "bail before I try because it was hard last time" thing is insane to me. Get therapy; heal from what happened. Release it. We're moms. Let's woman up.