The Worst Week

My life is really good overall. Generally speaking. On the whole. Really good.

I usually tend to let the bad things roll off my back and move forward. I've found that by focusing on the bad things that happen, more bad things tend to happen. You see what you're looking for, you know? 

But this week has been a rough one. When I woke up on Monday, I felt some drainage in the back of my throat. I went for a run anyway. I didn't work out Tuesday and did not run on Wednesday. On Tuesday I was especially emotional and overwhelmed with my illness while at work. My head felt like it weighed 100 pounds yesterday. Today is Thursday, and I think I'll do some low impact cardio at my club house tonight. But I don't do well restricting myself to the couch. I've been at work all week while sick, and Monday was an especially long work day. I don't know the last time I was sick, but definitely not in the past 8 months, and most likely more. Granted, since starting Shakeology two years ago, I've gotten sick maybe once or twice, and it was much shorter lived than usual. So I guess that makes this more miserable, since it's been such a long time. 

I'm having some issues at work, mostly where I make silly mistakes (used the company card for a personal expense on accident) or feel like I'm continually falling short or not doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, I make my lists. I do things as best I can. So much of my success rests on other people following through in their responsibilities. For example, on Saturday, I had a call from a branch manager saying that the restaurant that was supposed to cater his company barbecue on Saturday had no idea about his order. I went to my emails and had sent the correct information, but the lady whose hands the orders were in apparently relayed incorrect date and time information. But this reflects on me, and then the manager had to pick up the slack and figure something out at the last second. Another example is when I call hotels or make credit card authorization arrangements, and the hotel clerks have no idea what to do, causing my employees to surrender their own credit cards, even though I made arrangements. 

I've had two of three bosses in a sense "correct me" this week. I don't like disappointing anyone or falling short of expectations. One of the issues this week is a work hour issue. I had really hoped to just use 2 hours of PTO tomorrow and not come in at all because I'm feeling pretty rotten. But I have to come in tomorrow for a couple of hours. I'm not sure how to manage it and feel like bursting into tears at the thought of coming in.

And honestly, just the past two weeks at work have been a lot busier and more chaotic than normal. There's been a lot going on and a lot to plan for, and a lot of people I've had to rely on.

I'm stressed about money because I turned my middle bedroom into a gym instead of finding a new tenant. It's just an adjustment to a new and tighter budget, but it's stressful for me. I've done really well on a much smaller budget with way more expenses, so I don't get why this is so hard? I guess you adjust "up" as your means go up. So adjusting back down is a challenge. I'm trying to keep in mind the things I'm enjoying more now: more cleanliness, fewer dishes in the sink/rack, more fridge space, a HOME GYM...

On top of all this rather small-minded stuff is all the nasty garbage going on with the white supremacists in Charlottesville. My heart can't even handle it, and I don't know what to do about any of it. I don't want to be a passive person, like the citizens in Germany or Poland who just sort of let things happen. But I also don't know what actions to take. I know that indifference is the worst place to be in, and thankfully that's not where I'm at. 

I am just mentally and emotionally wiped out. I'm trying not to be discouraged about my marathon training or about work or money or life in general--or with how people are treating each other. I could really just use a day of leisure and relaxation. Sadly, anytime I take a day off it turns into a day where I catch up on "all those things I've been needing to do." So if I ever do decide to really take a personal day, I'll have to plan HOW I'll relax each hour--like actually plan blocks of time so I don't fill it with busyness. How pitiful, huh? 

I plan on writing a blog about my last trip home to CA over Pioneer Day weekend. We'll see if I can muster up the motivation to actually do it. After I blow my nose 45 more times.