Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Wow

OK, seriously? This is like the cutest thing ever.

I'm not sure I'd want it done for me, but I did tear up watching it done for someone else!

Monday, January 25, 2010

A Little Bit of This

"Shocks... Pegs... Lucky..."

I'm in an extremely good mood today. I had a lot of fun with my students and was on a roll making my sixth period die with laughter. Sometimes I'm glad my face is funny for me. I just give a puzzled or weird look and they all start giggling. Pretty convenient.

Also, tons of my students told me how much they "love my bangs" and "love my hair cut" and that they "like my hair straight." Some also told me that I look really pretty today. How cute are they?

Thanks, my loves.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

My First Time

It was so special. So intense. It made my heart race.

How could it not? It was, after all, my first time...

Getting a speeding ticket.

That's right. Age 22 and recent recipient of my first speeding ticket.

Utahans drive like morons. Just so all of you know. I was a little frustrated tonight, having to go around every moron there was because no one is courteous; they do not move over. They probably don't even notice you behind them. Let's be honest.

They were going 63 in the fast lane. SIXTY THREE. I mean, come on, people. You'd get a little frustrated too, right?

So like I said, since everyone's stupid (and I'm impatient) and won't move over, I was being a little aggressive.

I had my cruise control set at 78, like I always do. I do mean always. 78 is fast, but it's not 80. I never, ever go above 78. I move over all the time for people going faster than me.

Anyway, it was set at 78.

I saw the flashing lights behind me and had a miniature anxiety attack. So I pulled over, got out my license and registration. He came over and asked how my night was (bad now, thanks for asking?). Then he asked if I was aware that I went through a construction zone at 75 mph. I said I was unaware. The flashing sign said "Mon-Fri." And that was the honest truth. He said that that was wrong, that it's 7 days a week, and even with no workers present, the speed limit is 55. Then why is the sign lying to everyone, I wonder?

Then he said he had a hard time catching up with me, that I'm weaving in and out of cars (um, yes, because they're all going 63 side by side), and that he clocked me at 85 mph. EIGHTY FIVE! Liar! Once he said that, I gave him a genuinely confused look and said, "Well then my speedometer must be broken."

Guys, seriously? I never go 85. I don't go 85 when the speed limit is 75. It's just not even a consideration. I do not go faster than 78.

I do not lie. I'm physically incapable of it. I tried once last year, and things didn't work out very well for me. I'm a terrible liar. The construction sign said Mon-Fri. My speedometer said 75.

I figured since I'm a young girl wearing pajamas with laundry in the back seat who's never had an offense like this before, he'd be nice and let me off. I think a few things counted against me--one being that I argued (really politely), two being my California license, and three being my red Mazda 3. I got the ticket.

He came back over with a ticket for me to sign. In his infinite mercy (/sarcasm) he said he'd write the ticket for 74 in a 65 "so my insurance costs wouldn't go up so much." M-hm. I'm sure you're concerned about my insurance costs. How about you just don't give me the ticket and stop pretending to be a nice guy? I was gracious and polite and thanked him but felt like a total idiot at his complete mercy, like he knew I should give him an outpouring of thanks because he was just so nice for not writing my real speed of "85" on the ticket.

So I'm a little frustrated at his completely false accusations but am glad he wrote me for under what I was doing.

I'm also proud of myself that I've had my license for almost 7 years, and this is my first ticket. Chyeah.

Thanks, Sheriff, for making my first time so special.

P.S. Sheriff, do you think you could patrol my apartment complex parking lot? I know you're really busy giving out speeding tickets to 22-year old teachers, but there's someone who's going around and opening car doors and stealing people's things, including my money and other people's iPods. So maybe your time could be better spent protecting good people from real menaces. Thanks.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Full Bangs For the Win

I dried my hair today, and my bangs dried pretty straight across my forehead.

I decided to go with it. And I cut them straight. Not sure yet if it's a good choice, but I think I like it.

Check my Frankenstein pic!



Ha. Sorry. I just can't do like serious or sexy photos. They make me giggle.


Do you like my cute smile? Me too. ohp.

Fine here is a real picture for you guys. 


I think I like it. It makes my hair look longer and is a more stark contrast between my dark hair and light eyes.

Blind date tonight. We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Blue Teacher

I've taken the Color Code test before. But I took it again just to make sure I was what I thought. I am a super blue personality. 65%, in fact. Check it out:

Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). Blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Well, if that doesn't scare everyone away, I don't know what does. I'd say I'm pretty self-aware, though, since I'm totally conscious of my need for genuine human connections and commitments. It's what makes me happiest--caring about somebody else. Birthdays and anniversaries are definitely the best! Meh. I'm awesome. Like I've said before, it's super difficult having this personality type because it's harder for me to make the kind of connections that I want with others.

Anyway. I ordered a new class set of Night today for future generations of Centennial Middle School students. The class set we had was 21 books (not enough), and they were falling apart.

Something else I'm immensely excited about is that I ordered 30 copies of Ayn Rand's book Anthem for FREE! If I get it soon enough, I will teach it before the school year ends. It should be 4-6 weeks. This book was really enlightening for me as a little 14-year old. I'm very excited to share it with my 14-year-olds. I love this book and am so excited that the Ayn Rand Institute would do this.

I also have a long list going of short stories that I want to use in my classroom over the term. I'm pretty excited to teach some Poe and Joyce and Hawthorne and Steinbeck. Yessss....

And! I have a friend in the counseling office at my work (school?). He told me that a parent said something awesome about me today, and that he'd pass it on to Principal Swenson. A parent of one of my students told the counselor, "The best thing that's ever happened for my son is Miss Balibrea." The counselor went on to tell me that this parent thinks I walk on water. Needless to say, this made my day amidst complete frustration with my oft times difficult students.

Three best things:

1. The compliment from the parent about my teaching; at least it works for some people
2. Sleep. I love it a lot.
3. Baking abilities. My oatmeal coconut chocolate chip cookies are the best.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Shallowness and Neck Scratches

I watched The Invention of Lying with my friend Camille the other night.

I thought it was clever and fun, but had some big holes for me. I couldn't draw the parallel between being truthful and being shallow. Since it's set in a place where no one knows how to lie--they only tell the truth, people say exactly what they think whenever they think it. I had two issues with this. One is that the things they'd express were usually surface-level assessments of others. I can see how immediate impressions and thoughts can come upon people, and that these thoughts are usually superficial and judgmental. But I can't see that being the only thing people think about when looking at others. The second issue was that I don't see how truthfulness inherently means that people will always express their honest opinion whenever they feel like it. I'll give my honest opinion of something, but if it's a mean one, I usually wait until I'm asked.

So basically the implications were that honesty equals shallowness and immediate expression. I totally disagree with this and didn't care too much for these implications. Nevertheless, the movie had its good points.

I saw the movie Up in the Air which was slightly frustrating. I guess this makes it a good movie. I have too much to say about this and am not finished formulating my thoughts. But for now I'll say that it presented an extremely thought-provoking and valid question, "To what extent do personal and family relationships bring happiness, hope, and value to our lives?" And along with that, the question, "To what extent are these relationships a burden on us?" I suppose a short answer would be that the burdens and downsides are greatly outweighed by the joy and meaningfulness which relationships bring.

In other news, I watched American Idol with a friend of mine tonight. Her babies are so dang cute. And when I was holding the little guy, who was giggling all over the place, he leaned forward and grabbed a good chunk of skin on my neck and pulled it outward while scratching me. My neck is throbbing a little bit. But his grin and giggles were worth it. I guess that answers the above questions, huh?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

My Playlist

"My Immortal"


I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me


"Star Mile"

Old doubt and a girl by your side
She’s feeding your pride
As you go for a ride
Down the Star Mile

Worlds arise as she lets you come in
A duo begins
To the Hollywood Inn
Of the lonely

Chorus:
And all the gold dust in her eyes won't reform into a ring
You had and lost the one thing
You kept in a safe place
Remember the face
Of the girl who had made you her own
And how you left her alone

All’s well at the base of the hill
You might need to fill
A prescription to kill
Off the silence.

Look down from your tower on high
And take in the night
Look her right in the eye
She’ll listen

Chorus

Life goes to those that are true
The regular news
Over playing the blues
With the light on

And if you burn the road
That’ll lead you back to her in time
I watch you turn to stone
You can’t find the sunlight

She’s moving on without you
The tide breaks
You watch the stars fade
They gather you back to their home
I guess it’s better than being alone

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Mr. Williams

Dear Justin Williams,

Thanks for auditioning for American Idol tonight. Being that you live only 30 minutes from me, I was hoping I could interest you in marrying me.

The things I love about you are: your beautiful, scruffy face, your lovely blue eyes, your Nephi-like stature, your amazing singing voice, and the fact that you sang, "Feeling Good," in your audition.

Let's set a date, my dear.

Sincerely,
Janae

Really though, I love American Idol. I know the process sucks. I know it's rigged as all get out. I know its downfalls, OK? But all of the amazing talent that I get to witness who did get through to the judges' round makes it so worth it. I love So You Think You Can Dance. I love to watch bodies move and express emotion. It brings something out in me sometimes; I sit in amazement at the things those dancers do. But I've grown up on music. I love voices. They touch me deep in my soul. Something about smooth tones, good vibes, unique sounds, speaks to me in the deepest regions of my being. The power of song and of voice is incredible to me. I was moved to tears and choked up several times tonight by the talent I heard on my television. I love this show.

And Justin Williams. /swoon.

Singing and Showers

Sometimes at night or early in the morning when I go potty, I get scared that someone who has been hiding for some undetermined amount of time will open the curtain and jump out at me, threatening me allthewhile bursting out obscenities while I'm just trying to do my business.

Also, American Idol starts tonight. And I am inexplicably excited. kthxbai.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Cutter


It started with trying to get the top off of some incense oil.

 What more logical way to do it than with these?




My stupidity led to this (warning, bloody pictures follow):




 

But don't worry. I have Neosporin. And Bandaids.






Don't worry that when I was eight years old, I tried to get some butter for my toast while the butter was still cold. The butter knife slid right off the butter and into my left thumb which was holding the plate at the time. I have a nasty scar from a butter knife. It even cost us an emergency trip so that they could say I don't need stitches.

And now on my right thumb from child's scissors. I'm super smart.

Laughing

A few minutes ago I put my computer to sleep. Then I remembered I needed to double check on movie times for tomorrow. So I used my phone because I have quick access to movie times.

There was a little square ad at the bottom that said, "Find friendship or LOVE in your area."

Typical little ad. Then in the right corner of that ad, it said, "Club M8."

Then I started busting up laughing. 12:40 AM, empty apartment, alone in my room, dying with laughter.

I then realized how very good it felt to laugh like that. And also realized how it's been a really long time.

So, the next time you're feeling down, check out Club M8 for a good time.

Monday, January 4, 2010

New Suede Shoes. And Fred.

Not really. But I did get a pair of solid black Vans like I've been wanting since the school year began. I'm happy I made that choice on Saturday. I've been walking in comfort ever since. Except for the first day because my left foot is bigger than my right foot (the heart side?) and my left shoe was super tight. It's all good now.

In other news, my lovely friend Caitlin bought me some Sensual Amber body cream from Bath & Body Works a couple birthdays ago. I've since wanted the matching body spray because I hate having mismatching sets. So they were out of the spray on Saturday, but I bought the perfume which came with a free lotion. Then I couldn't resist the miniature Sensual Amber shower gel, so I got that. Then there were foaming handsoaps (Kitchen Lemon scented!) for $3 that I couldn't resist either. Conclusion: Prepare to spend money if you go into Bath & Body Works. Too much good stuff there.

I've started off the new year right by attempting to be social and go to FHE. Go me.

First day back at work was really fun. My sixth period was a little out of control, but I'll soon remedy that by attending a Conscious Discipline lecture series. In any case, it was good to be back in the habit and feeling productive. Plus, I love my kids.

I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It was fun enough, considering it was free.

Oh yeah, and

I got my car broken into last night. I may or may not have left my car unlocked on accident. (Give me a break, I usually lock it when I get out but had to get my laundry out of the back seat and had my hands too full to do it with my keychain.) I got to my car this morning and my seat was all the way back. Those of you who know me know I'm 5 feet tall, so the car seat definitely should not be all the way back. My sunglasses were thrown from my console into my drink holders. And I could tell the villain had rummaged through my glove compartment.

The perpetrator was definitely male, seeing as he didn't want my super cute Arnettes for girls. 

I'm sure he was ecstatic to find a wallet full of money coupons which could save him some cash, since apparently he's pretty desperate for it. Really though, I keep my coupons in a wallet in my glove compartment. So I can only imagine the disappointment that was on Fred's silly little burglar face. I wish I could have seen it.

Dumb bastage, thinking I'd leave valuables in my car. P.S. I'm Provo Police Department Captain's granddaughter. Just because I'm dumb enough to forget to lock it doesn't mean I'm dumb enough to let you take advantage of me, Fred! Don't mess.

Lock your doors, my friends. Lock your doors.

Just for your information: Somehow, a little insect got into my car light. He is roasting every time my doors open. It bothers me to have him hanging out above my head every time I'm in the car. Would it bother you?

Rayden Stanley survived Grandma's house and is thriving. He plays silly tricks on me, like taking naps sideways or belly up. But I've had him for over three months now, and I think we have a pretty good interdependent relationship going on.

Me and Best Buy are not friends. Our battle has ended though, so we shall remain separate and peaceful for the time being.

I have run out of space on my DVD shelves. This will be remedied sometime this year when I move the freak out of Provo, far away from past ... errors. I'll have more space and money for furniture. That's the plan.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Some Realizations

I think we are constantly learning. Like, all the time. But we mortal beings are too thick headed to catch on the first time.

So I've learned for the 1,578th time that I need to leave it all up to the Lord. I'll get what He knows I need, in His due time. And I need to be patient. Thanks, patriarchal blessing.

I'm learning again that only the Lord's opinion matters. 

And I'm learning that all I can do is my best, and let the Lord make up for where I fall short. (Plus hope others forgive my shortcomings.)

I've also learned that imperfection can be used as an excuse to remain imperfect.

I've chosen not to do that.

So today, I took a gigantic step forward, for the first time since I was a Beehive (I can't believe I'm putting this on my blog; I'm so, so ashamed, seriously). I received my limited temple recommend.

I'm not perfect. I haven't been perfect, ever. I never will be. And I can keep using that as an excuse to stay at my same level of imperfection, or I can let the Lord make up for my failings, and use that to grow even more. So I've gotten a recommend. And I intend to use it this week.

I hope that there I will obtain the peace I've had such a difficult time finding lately.

This emotional, impatient girl needs to recall that for some reason, her Savior loves her. And this frustrated girl needs to remind herself frequently where to find peace.

OK, temple. Here I come. 

Ever Again? - A Bummer Post

I honestly don't know if I'll be able to love again.

To open myself and my heart in a way that it needs to be in order to sustain a healthy, reciprocating relationship.

I've been taken advantage of, walked all over, and lied to too many times by individuals whom I would have done (and probably still would do) anything for. What's more, I've had all of these things done to me multiple times by the same people.

I guess I'm the moron for ever having given so much to begin with--for not seeing what was actually there.

I don't want to trust. I don't want to love. I never get what I give in return. Never to the same degree. I only get hurt. The pattern shows that that's what will always happen. Anything in the future is only a risk to me. And we all know I'm not good at taking risks.

I'm not in a much better place at the start of this year than I was last year. I think that's what has me so discouraged. Repeat mistakes, repeat pain, repeat cycle. Reopening wounds, all the time, so that I have made almost no progress from where I was a freaking YEAR ago.

Because of my lack of progress I am losing more and more hope every day. It's really starting to get to me as I feel me getting down on myself for silly things. I'm mentally cutting myself down more and more as the days go by.

It's a new year, and I want to look at it as a new beginning and a time for more opportunities. And I'm sure there are some. I'm just a little short sighted right now, and instead of feeling excited and optimistic I'm feeling even more discouraged than I was several weeks ago.

Come on 2010. Come on, Lord. Bring me something good. I'm trying!

Friday, January 1, 2010

Potpourri

OK.

Legion
Iron Man 2
Alice in Wonderland
Salt
Robin Hood
The Lightning Thief
The Sorcerer's Apprentice
Daybreakers
The Road
Book of Eli
Edge of Darkness
Planet 51

Plus those I haven't seen yet like:
The Blind Side
Princess and the Frog
This is It
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Up in the Air
Zombieland
Christmas Carol

I'm pretty sure my movie entertainment is at a high right now.

I saw Avatar and Pirate Radio the other day.
I saw Sherlock Holmes yesterday.
I'm seeing Invictus in about an hour.

I've also decided to endorse polyandry, as I now have over 12 husbands and 7 boyfriends or so. Sam Worthington, Chris Pine, Brandon Boyd, Hugh Jackman, and Johnny Depp, to name a few.

I also decided after seeing the movie Inkheart, that I have an ever increasing level of attraction to Paul Bettany.


Let's ignore the rodent, shall we? And just focus on the fact that he is totally lovely.

I'm not sure whether it was the tan, the long hair, the character, or the newly achieved amount of muscles he had, but Paul all of the sudden gained a place in my heart.

He looks really good in the upcoming movie Legion, which (although it looks slightly cheesy) seems like it will be very entertaining.

Off to see Invictus.