Thursday, March 27, 2008

Day 4, Woot!

Today was so good. I woke up more exhausted than I have all week. Five to six hours of sleep is just not good enough. But it's really hard to get in bed before 11:30. Nevertheless, I got myself up and went.

Tanner was there on time for me, before 6 AM. He's so cute.

Today was leg/bum/ab day. So I did the hip abductors, and also some lunges, calf raises, leg curls, leg extensions, and the leg press. I did crunches, leg lifts, and the ab curl machine thing, plus I tried to work on my love handles a little bit. Anyway, I really like leg day, I think it's fun. I did the interval course on the elliptical with Tanner for 15 minutes! :) It was fun, I did really well.

I scratched my knuckle probably a week and a half ago on my laundry hamper, and since my hands are so dry from this weather, it is not healing. It's really bad. I should put a band-aid on it.

After the gym Tanner and I went our separate ways, but he came over for a little bit after he got ready for work to have breakfast with me--a healthy serving of oatmeal. Yeah. I didn't really like it, it's the "weight control" kind with fiber and protein. But he did, and his cheerfulness makes me happy.

Anyway this gym thing is working out exactly as we've wanted it to. We're feeling really good, really confident, and it's making things a lot easier for us as a couple. The bedtime and the enforcement and the enjoyment that's coming from being so on top of things is really bringing us together in some good ways.

By the way, we've been together for about nine months now. Just in case y'all wanted to know. :) And soon enough I think I will have lots to do.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Just So I'm Not Distracted...

I have some things to say before I feel like I can focus on this research paper proposal I should have written yesterday.

Day 3 of exercise and second time in a cycle class went really, really well. I was surprised. It was really hard for me to get out of bed. I woke up several times last night. One of the times was because I fell out of my bed. Yeah. WTF? I was so confused, partly dreaming, and I finally figured out that what I thought I had seen wasn't real, and climbed back into bed. I'm also experiencing my monthly womanly inconveniences, which I didn't think would make that bike seat any more of a pleasant experience for me.

But I have to say that this class went really well. I pushed it really hard, almost to the point of dizziness, but I managed to keep myself stable. The instructor today was a lot more challenging than Amy on Monday. I've always been very good at pushing myself physically, sometimes a little beyond my capacity, so to have the extra instruction and encouragement was really helpful.

The bike was more comfortable today. Granted, I had to get off my bike like seven times to get it how I wanted it. But I was much, much more comfortable (including on that seat!). I didn't push down on my handle bars so much. I did that a lot on Monday, which apparently wasn't a good idea, given my soreness in my upper back, shoulder, and neck region. I put most of the work on my legs. I suppose their enormous size is good for something.

Anyway, I really did push it hard and am really proud of myself for doing that and actually having a much better time today. I have gained weight in the last little while, probably from a combination of being overly-comfortable in a relationship :) and food poisoning messing with my system. I'm pretty disappointed, but I will just rest assured knowing I'm doing the right things to try to be healthy.

By the way, my car is not fixable. The check engine light is off, but my oil problem is internal. The leak is in the engine, so unfortunately nothing can be done to fix it that isn't ridiculously costly. It's on its last leg, said the mechanic. And it'll just be trailing white, stinky smoke everywhere from that oil leak. So Mom and I are looking at other inexpensive options to get me through college. I'm glad I can rely on my parents for that kind of support. If I had to do all of this myself, I'm not sure how I would handle it.

While I was walking to work today, on my way toward the dreaded stairs I saw a girl with blonde hair that was probably about three feet long. Seriously, there are way too many Rapunzels here at BYU. I'm sorry, but long, bodiless, stylless hair is just not pretty. I just wanna run up behind one of them one day with a pair of scissors that is comically large and heavy and chop it off to their shoulders.

On my journey up the stairs I encountered pieces of orange peel. A two square inch piece here, another two steps up... A few more steps up there were really large chunks of orange peel. Now, I realize that orange peels are "biodegradable," but what the heck do you think is going to happen to those peels? Some campus worker's going to have to pick up after your lazy ace. You couldn't have peeled it at home? Or in your car before walking up the stairs? Or hey, even put the peels in a bag? There's a trash can at the top. I just don't really understand people.

I'm starting to pray pretty intensely about some things--some important things. I had a really great experience last night doing so. I think this is probably not appropriate for a public blog post and will write about it in my personal journal. But just know I had a great experience, and Heavenly Father is mindful.

I'm considering creating a blog about all of my different types of customers at Blockbuster. This might take a while, but perhaps it's something to look forward to.

Anyway, here's to a good day at the gym.

Three best things

1. Tanner, for helping me to see my weaknesses and for being so committed to the things he's working on.
2. Dove chocolate covered almonds. I haven't had any yet today, but I think they might save me later.
3. Soreness. I'm gettin' strong, suckas.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Holy Motion Sensored Bathroom, Batman!

Well, day two of Tanner and I's gym goals was a success. We got up, and I was there at 6:02 AM, and Tanner, about five minutes after. Nevertheless I began my whole upper body routine, starting back at the beginning where I always do when it's been too long. 8 lbs, 5 sets of 10 reps instead of 12. I did most of my back stuff--seated rowing, another machine thing, and I cut my lat pulldown short by a few sets so I could finish with 15 minutes of cardio. I did my favorite--the elliptical. And I thoroughly enjoyed it, as sweaty as I got.

Tanner and I stayed in the parking lot for a few minutes after 7. He's so darling. He was very impressed that I had my own routine and whatnot. I must admit, I found him very attractive when I saw him lifting and stuff too. So there's a good benefit of seeing each other absolutely disgusting and sweaty--it's hot. Oh!

I got ready and went to Rachel's, cuz she's wonderful and followed me with her car to take my car to the shop. It's so bad. I hope it gets fixed. Service engine light on, oil leak, horrible exhaust, and whatever else I might not know of. Fortunately it's my uncle's father-in-law who is doing it for cost of parts only. So that will be good.

So Raytch gave me a ride back to her place, and I walked to work. I had to stop in the Wilk to buy a ticket to a stupid Spanish play I have to go to ALONE. Grr. What the heck, man? If I had known it was required to go to this play I would have worked it out so I could have at least gone with Mike or another pal who speaks Spanish.

At 12:40ish, Tanner came to pick me up for lunch. This is exciting because normally I go to his work to go to lunch with him. We went to my apartment for my entertainment book because I am the coupon queen. Woot. I'm not cheap, I just like to save money. And it was buy one menu item and a drink and get a second menu item and drink free. $7.50 for two chicken veggie bowls and two drinks. That's a steal, I'd say! I also had a coupon for frozen yogurt at Hogi Yogi, buy one get one for 99 cents. So that was delicious.

I had a fun time learning about Tanner's childhood friendships and stuff. I love conversations that just happen like that, when you don't have to deliberately ask--you just fall onto the topic somehow. We also talked about his job, how it works, the detailed stuff.

After we ordered our crazy mint collision frozen yogurt guy, I realized I had to urinate immediately. I went to the bathroom, and was surprised by its cleanliness. Aside from the dim lighting and the paper towel on the floor that someone couldn't manage to get into the trash can four inches away, it was a nice restroom. I proceeded to put toilet paper on the toilet seat because, let's face it, Utah's lack of sanitation laws in public restrooms is completely unacceptable. Before I was finished using the facility, the toilet started to flush. "Oh man, I didn't realize this was automatic. Stupid thing," I thought. "I'm not even finished yet, you stupid robot!" What is it with these things? They either don't flush when you're finished, no matter how frantically you wave your hands in front of the sensor, or they flush when you've been sitting down for six and a half seconds. What is this? If we're going to all be too lazy to flush the toilet ourselves, to turn on the sink ourselves, to pull down the paper towel ourselves, we should at least have reliable equipment to help us be more efficient.

Well, after finishing, and after the all-knowing toilet realized that I was actually done taking advantage of its purposes and flushed, I moved on to the sink. Oh, this is automatic too. That's fine, sure. Why not? Except that this sink was crazy turbo jet guy! It was releasing a whopping ounce of water at a velocity of 82.9 meters per second. Yeah. Heaven forbid I move my hands at the wrong angle--water will spray all over my cute shirt AND the mirror. Then what? We'd have water everywhere. And as Dane says, in a public restroom, everything is wet! I can't very well contribute to this wet bathroom epidemic. I just couldn't really help it, what with hardcore jacuzzi sink water coming at me like it was.

To my surprise, the soap dispenser was NOT automatic. "Dang it," I thought, "I don't get the pre-measured automatic squirt of soap into my hand. You mean I really have to lift up my hand and PUSH down on this soap dispenser? Geez." So I dispensed soap into my hand, lathered, and managed to rinse my hands without making it look like I had walked through a car wash.

"I need to dry my hands, I hope it's not an air dryer thing in this bathroom." I looked to my left, where there was a baby changing station. I looked to my right, and there on the wall was a handy-dandy motion sensored paper towel dispenser. "Sweet! I get to wave my hand in front of the little red light." At first I thought that the length of paper towel it gave me would be insufficient. But surprisingly, some thick and durable paper towelly goodness was dispensed. "This is sufficient," I decided.

But what? A door handle you have to grab and turn to open it? And no trash can by the door for me to throw it in? "Just great." I walked over to the trash cans out in the restaurant by the doors to throw this paper towel away, just for the sake of not being able to open the door.

You know, it's not too much for me to pick up my foot to flush the toilet. It's not a lot to simply turn up a knob to turn on the water. I can push down a soap dispenser, and heaven knows I can pump a paper towel out of a dispenser like there's no tomorrow. But I do NOT want to open the bathroom door with my bare hand.

So why doesn't someone do us all a favor and make an automatic bathroom door opener?

Monday, March 24, 2008

Well, I Did It

I went to a cycling class.

There are some big, big changes going on right now in my relationship with Tanner. I'm hoping that they're all for the better. They're changes aimed at helping us. One of these changes is working out together. This will accomplish several things--boost our confidence individually, improve our health, and get us on a schedule with a bedtime. When I realized this step absolutely needed to be taken, I got on 24 Hour Fitness' website last week to see if their class schedule was online. It was!

So Tanner and I decided to do the Cycle class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 5:45 AM. Tuesday and Thursday we will lift from 6 to 7. I've decided that (since my former schedule was different, I lifted three days a week) I need to make a plan for what to work out on those two days. Tuesday will be upper body (biceps, triceps, forearms, shoulders, chest) and back. Thursday will be lower body (calves, quads, hamstrings, gluteus) and abs. I will lift for 45 minutes and do cardio for 15, or just for the rest of the hour whenever I'm done lifting. I did some quick research--thanks Google--on whether lifting or doing cardio first is more effective. Turns out lifting is more effective when you do it first, followed by cardio.

Tanner and I are also aiming to eat healthier, and eat out less, which we've actually done considerably well on in the last week plus. Fortunately, I love eating well. It took me a while to learn to love it, and I had to learn what ways would make it easiest and most motivating for me. For example, I like buying the party trays of vegetables. It's prepared, it's washed, it's easy. So that's the best way for me to do veggies.

Eventually, if Tanner moves to Crestwood, we will try to do Body for Life. I don't know how committed I am to that--it's much easier for me to just eat well and not too much as well as work out. I enjoy living that way.

My lungs have been stretched to their capacity today, I think. Fortunately I only got dizzy during the class once, and it really wasn't too bad at all. Going at my own pace was definitely a necessity to start exercising again after a couple months of being out of it. I was still able to push myself and get a good workout.

My bum was really uncomfortable on that seat. I was dripping sweat big time. I was so, so stinky. It was glorious. I saw Tanner look at me several times, and I didn't look back at him. He was probably just making sure I wasn't going to pass out and fall off my bike. Unfortunately, this cycling thing was new and uncomfortable for me, and I don't really like being looked at or talked to while I'm working out. haha. It's a very personal thing for me, as weird as that might sound. Although the support of having someone to be at the gym with so early at the same time is really helpful!

I managed to keep up quite a bit, when we were "out of the saddle" and stuff, I did alright with keeping up. I tried to keep my intensity up, and I will do even better on Wednesday in a class with "Chris."

So this commitment is really fun and immensely helpful for Tanner and I, I think. Relationships are interesting... I learn a lot about myself all the time. It's a constant challenge, anything from trying to communicate how you feel, to learning how to forgive, to trying something new and outside of your comfort zone. Oh life, what growth you provide.

Three best things:

1. A nice gym facility
2. A boyfriend who likes to be active
3. A cute grandma who gives me lots of things for Easter

Friday, March 21, 2008

Wow, I'm Dumb

Never in my life have I had an issue with constipation. Never, that was, until I took Imodium on Saturday night to stop the incessant bathroom trips given to me by my food poisoning. I don't know what happened, but since that point, my bathroom trips have been few and minimally productive to say the least. In other words, I can't freaking poop.

I've been so hungry and at the same time have had no desire to eat because I felt it all getting stuck. I knew there was no place to put my food anymore.

I don't like taking medicine very much. I would like to do things as naturally as possible, so logically I Googled, "natural laxatives" yesterday. My resolve in this sad bathroom period? Prune juice.

That's right.

So Tanner and I went to the store after 10:30 last night. Yeah, don't know why so late, but anyway. I almost forgot why I needed to go in the first place. I remembered how hungry I was, and how I still felt like I couldn't eat. "Oh yeah! Prune juice!" I yelled to Tanner. Duh. So I got some. I decided I would drink it Friday afternoon, after school... Tanner insisted, however, that I drink it tonight. So I did. I had a glass and a half of repulsive, black-licorice-equivalent prune juice. Five minutes later, I started to feel the effect. It felt like a jacuzzi's jets went on in my stomach and started moving things around. Oh, it did not feel good. But I was so excited to go potty.

Tanner and I went home. I talked to my mom on the phone for a long time and felt some processing going on in my system--a whole lot more than I expected. I was still OK. I went to bed around 1:30 probably. As soon as I laid down, there was an insane bubble fest in my stomach. I had to get up and run to the bathroom.

You'll be most satisfied to know that this happened all night. ALL night! I got up, I laid down, got back up 5 seconds later, wanted to lay back down... around 2:40 I went into the bathroom and realized that if I tried to lay back down I'd have to get right back up again. So I sat on the toilet for a good 20-25 minutes. And it did not stop. Wow. It was the most disgusting, loud, and weirdest digestive experience I've ever had. I never realized I was capable of such things. The bathroom trips went another time, and then again around 5 AM.

Since I had been up all night in the bathroom, I decided I could sleep in until my first class (where normally I'd come in early to work) at ten. My lovey called me at 7:20. I felt bad. I was supposed to call him to wake him up for a meeting, and I thought I hit snooze so I could call him, but it never went off. He told me to go back to bed. I reset my alarm for 8:40. At least, I thought I set my alarm.

A while later I woke up and looked at my alarm clock: 9:56 AM. WHAT THE! Stupid alarm clock. I hurriedly got up and jumped in the shower. I decided not to wash my hair because it would take 20 minutes to do it. Thank heaven for shower caps. I got in, rinsed off, and got out. I got dressed and threw on some eyeliner and mascara, and did what I could with my unwashed hair. I was ready to go by 10:10. I walked quickly out the door and called Tanner. I hadn't looked at my cell phone clock when I called.

I drove to school, and heck yes! I got a relatively close parking spot considering it was after 10 AM at BYU. I pulled out my phone to try to call Tanner again to tell him how crappy it was that I woke up late. This time I looked at my phone's clock. 9:07 AM. "Are you freaking joking me? I am a tard!" I thought.

Looks like in my half-asleep and newly unconstipated state, I reset the TIME on my alarm clock, not the ALARM time. Awesome.

So here I sit at work, half an hour before class with unwashed hair and writing a blog about my all-night bathroom trips (you are so lucky I didn't go into detail!) and my ridiculous false alarm-induced panic.

For the record, drink prune juice when you've got a book you really want to read and can't seem to find the time to read. It will MAKE time.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

My Roommate the Reptile

I've had a lot of strange roommates. I've had cute, quirky roommates who were very popular. I've had roommates who left old dinner on the table for four days. I've had a roommate who faintly squealed about her potato. I've had a roommate whose mother hemmed my jeans. But never in all of this time have I had a reptile for a roommate.

In all seriousness, I live with probably one of the most cold blooded individuals ever. She always, always has the heater on. I wake up sweaty it's so hot. It's so hot my other roommate sleeps with the fan on in the winter! I came home today, when every normal individual is walking around in shorts and t-shirts, enjoying the sunshine, when I am bloody hot from walking so far and up so many stairs, when it's perfect weather to open the windows... to an apartment with the heater on.

Granted, the last chance I had to talk to her about this I had chills from food poisoning, so I had the heater on. But it really is NOT necessary at this point. It is not freezing; there is no snow. There ARE blankets and sweatshirts. At least you can save money in the winter with these things and keep the heater off or down. In the summer you just strip down all you can and sit in front of a large, powerful fan. It's harder to get cool than get warm!

Anyway, I texted her again asking if we could talk about this heater thing. She came out of her room, didn't acknowledge me, and left. So much for that. Whatever, I'm not paying for heat that I don't want, and I'm in charge of the bills. So if she doesn't want to talk to me about it then I'll "adjust" as necessary. Ha.

So today was productive... I got my Spanish done, my short story reading and reading response done, and my draft of my grammar analysis done. I did my mission prep reading for Monday. I also emailed my professor to ask about my paper topics. And I sent a text to Becca asking about Modbe because I want to try on bathing suits! I need a new one. I really desperately want a nap right now, but I'm not sure I could fall asleep. I could clean my rabbit's cage...?

I also wanted to write about something I read in the mission prep. manual. I had a really quick glimpse of my overall vision in life. I dismissed it because I wanted to finish reading, but it's probably important to think about these things. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, "'Seek first to build up the kingdom of God' means to assign first priority to God and to His work. The work of God is to bring to pass the eternal life of His children, and all that this entails in the birth, nurturing, teaching, and sealing of our Heavenly Father's children. Everything else is lower in priority....As someone has said, if we do not choose the kingdom of God first, it will make little difference in the long run what we have chosen instead of it. Our priorities are most visible in how we use our time.... With time, we have only one opportunity for choice, and then it is gone forever."

At first I was like, "Well gosh I'm so busy doing so many things it's hard to think about putting God first." And then I remembered that I was commanded to learn. I had a vision of myself as a teacher, as someone who brings others toward learning and understanding. I realized that these things I spend so much time on accomplishing really are going to be used to build up the kingdom in the end. I can stand as a witness wherever I am doing whatever I am doing. As a teacher, I can project the light of Christ and influence students in one way or another. It's not that I'm some noble person, someone my students will necessarily love or be drawn to, but I can at least shoot for the higher goal of setting an example.

Anyway, it was a good reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing and how I can use it for the building up of His kingdom.

Three best things...

1. Sunshine!
2. Chocolate.
3. Generous people.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Productivity, How I Love Thee

If there's one thing I know about myself, it is that I have a dire need to be productive. I stayed home from school on Monday, which I surprisingly had zero qualms about. This was partly because I was still feeling very weak, and partly because I always decide that I won't let missing school get me behind. I got up and got ready for the day, sat down and wrote everything needed for Wednesday's preparation in my planner. I then walked to the gas station to buy some Gatorade upon my father's instruction. I hate Gatorade. But he said I needed it more than water because of the minerals and electrolytes and whatnot.

It was gross, just like I remembered it.

I wrote in my planner according to due date/class time. So first is my 329 class, then mission prep, then Spanish, and then short story. I did my 329 reading on my bed. I also did my short story reading, and had to finish some after Tanner came over. I had nothing for mission prep, and today I have already done the reading for my Spanish.

In addition to that I have brainstormed topics for my research paper in short story class, and for my essay in Spanish as well.

I have also come up with good ideas (and already made some purchases) for Tanner's birthday present. I've outdone myself before, so it's hard to come up with anything now. But it should be OK. :) He is usually good at being enthusiastic about things.

I am leaving work soon and will go to Wal Mart where I will purchase some much needed items for my apartment and well-being, as well as Easter stuff for Tanner. :) After that, since I have brainstormed paper topics and therefore feel like I am in a good spot, I might consider taking a nap.

I know a lot of people think it's weird or even envy my ability to plan so far in advance and be disciplined enough to get things done... But I really need it to feel happy. I like checking things off a checklist. I like feeling like I have the freedom to spend my time how I please without feeling like I should be doing something more.

Three best things:

1. Tanner: We're making progress and doing good things and having good conversations. I'm particularly grateful for a spiritual connection we got to share yesterday.
2. My job: I work with great people, and it's so flexible and laid back. My boss texted me to see if I was feeling better, just because she wanted to know!
3. Money: While I do think I have had some difficult times, I am not in debt and I work enough to have money to spend. It's really nice, and I appreciate being able to live so comfortably as a supposedly "poor" student.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

I Was Poisoned!

Well, we all went to Chili's on Friday night--Raytch, Cara, Tanner, Cody, Aric, and I. I wasn't incredibly impressed, but I wasn't complaining. I got chicken crispers with corn on the cob and fries. Wow I'm too weak to think I can even keep typing right now. Ugh. Anyway, we discussed all sorts of lovely things--our summer plans and Cody's charity event that he wants to do.

I was feeling OK for a couple hours after dinner when we discussed those things at the Phillips' house. By the way, I have such cool friends. They're so intelligent and wonderful. They all work hard and want to do good things. I love them, and they are such good examples to me.

We officialized our plans, and I am so excited!

After we were done talking about the first steps for Cody's big event, we wanted dessert. We went to Cold Stone, which, by the way, I'm going to stay away from for a very long time. I've been eating there way too much, and fortunately my weight doesn't fluctuate very much or else I'd probably weigh 243 pounds right now.

After Cold Stone I think my Chili's food kicked in... I started to not feel very good. I had really bad gas--it was RANK, OMG. Back at the Phillips' for Dan in Real Life (which I bought, by the way. An excellent purchase), I started to really feel like poop. My tummy started hurting, and I wanted to lay down. All was well that night anyway--until I woke up yesterday.

I got up, and I'm sure you all want to know, exploded the toilet. "Well, OK then," I thought, "there's why my stomach was hurting." I got in the shower and was almost done when I started to really feel sick. I got tingly all over, my eyes started to feel cloudy, I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I tried to hurry and finish my shower. I sat down on the toilet, and it happened again. Oh man, then my stomach started hurting enough for me to let out a little cry of pain before I had to get up quickly, turn around, and puke into the toilet. Yes, before I got a chance to flush.

Holy mother load. I was so upset. I NEVER throw up. I've thrown up three times in my whole life. I called Tanner and tried to wake him up, but it took a while for him to get back to me. He went to the store, got me some chicken noodle soup and milk, and came over. Tanner made me eat. I ate as much as I could, but it really didn't want to go down. I also tried to eat a piece of bread to absorb acids and whatnots.

We laid on the floor and watched movies all day, with me crying approximately every 30 minutes. We watched Braveheart, Harry Potter 3, and later we watched Gladiator. In the middle of Braveheart I had to throw up again. We had a bowl near me just in case. I didn't quite make it. Well, either that, or it splashed out onto my blanket and onto my shirt. Bread, water, and all of my chicken noodle soup came up. The fury of these vomits was past the exaggerations you see in movies, not joking. It was ridiculous. My cute Tanner held my hair out of my face. He cleaned up after me too. He was so darling. How gross! No guy wants to watch his girlfriend look disgusting and smell her vomit or clean up after her, let alone still love her after he witnesses such grotesqueness. But he does. :) I felt SOOO much better after I threw up though. It only lasted for maybe 45 minutes, but in any case, that was a long time of relief. I called my boss around 3:15 to let him know I didn't think I could come in. He was so great about it.

I had to get up to use the bathroom about every 5 minutes, sometimes less than five minutes. After several trips to the potty, I started to feel "the burning." You know what I'm talking about--the "I use cheap, chafing toilet paper" kind of burning.

Tanner made me drink water all day. I don't think I drink as much water in a week as I drank yesterday. I started to feel hungry, so Tanner went back to the store. He also took my movies back for me, thankfully. He got me some fresh wipes and Vaseline for my ridiculous chafage. He also got me some Imodium. Oh, heavenly Imodium. He got me a sandwich too, because that's what I felt like eating--bread is good, right? So anyway I ate about half my sandwich and for the next few hours was laying in agony trying to sleep while Tanner watched Gladiator. Luckily, the runs had stopped from the Imodium, but I still felt like I was dying.

Two and a half hours later, I could still feel that sandwich and tons of water stuck in my belly. It hadn't moved. I decided I needed to make myself throw up again. So I stuck my finger down my throat, and evidently that was enough to get things stirring. I quickly walked to the bathroom, sat down on my knees in front of the toilet, and unloaded yet another epic, cinematic vomit. Tanner got up and ran over to me to hold my hair back again. He laughed at how much vomit that was--astonished that my stomach was holding more than a toilet bowl's capacity. That was around 12:30 at night, mind you.

Well, I needed to get in bed. That's what I decided. It took me probably 20 minutes to brush my teeth, floss, take my makeup off, and wash my face because every time I tried to stand up my face felt tingly, and I thought I would pass out.

Anyway, I finally got in bed a little after 1 AM, and I slept quite well all night. Thanks, Imodium! Tanner got me some water and tucked me in, kissed me goodnight, and left.

Now I'm sitting here in my church clothes, unable to go to church. I was almost done getting ready, finished up doing my hair, and got dizzy and needed to sit down. I'm feeling really weak, and really starving. But I am afraid to eat. So there that is: my first experience with food poisoning. And it is yet to come to an end.

I'm so grateful Tanner spent his whole Saturday yesterday serving me and doing everything he could to make me feel better. He is so sweet.

Three best things...

1. Friends. They're smart and wonderful.
2. Solid poop. Yeah, I said it.
3. Health. I take simple things like rolling over for granted, until I can barely move cuz of food poisoning.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Interesting reflection on high LDS population state...

Utah ranks lowest in several categories

I want to take you for granted...

That Matchbox 20 song, "Push" was on last night in Bamboo Hut. One of the lyrics is "I want to take you for granted." I got to thinking about what a horrible perspective that was in a relationship. I've been taken for granted before, and I have done my best to count my blessings and appreciate the people in my life--not take them for granted.

I decided I wanted to write about Tanner. I want to list off all of the things I would miss if I wouldn't have him. And all of the cute things he does. I think focusing on the good brings about more good on both sides. Now any of you who have been around Tanner and I know that we can drive each other nuts. Yep, he drives me nuts! But I love him for it.

Let me tell you about the Tanner that you don't know...

The one who opens my car door for me, even if I am driving.
The one who goes and gets me food and brings it to me at work so I don't starve.
The one who buys me frozen yogurt and brings it to me at work because I'm spoiled.
The one who gets enthusiastic about new clothes that I buy.
The one who looks at me with big eyes and a cute smile on his face--and you know he's thinking something cute.
My Tanner gets pouty as he squeezes me because he "can't hold me close enough."
He looks at me sadly, forehead wrinkled, if he wants more kisses.
He sends me texts that tell me he loves me and misses me.
He apologizes if he upsets me.
He takes me to the movies and to dinner.
He loves roller skating and dancing!
He puts up with my brattiness and PMS.
Tanner is affectionate with me no matter where we are; he always makes me feel wanted.
He pays attention to things I want and like and gets me the cutest presents!--a hair straightener, my bunny, cute teacher stuff, and more!
The cutest was when I could see how excited he was about doing all of that for me.
He is a really good writer.
He communicates verbally VERY well.
Tanner isn't afraid to be vulnerable with me anymore.
He sings beautifully.
He makes me and everyone around him laugh.
He is brilliant, especially with anything computer-related.
He is creative musically and in lots of other ways.
He asks me, "When do I get to see you?" like he wants to see me really bad, as if we don't see each other every day.
He has beautiful eyes and eyelashes!
He has a beautiful smile.
He's an amazing kisser. Yep. I said it.
Tanner is super handsome.
He spends a lot of time to make himself presentable; it's cute that he's like a girl sometimes.
He's really strong!
He is a handyman; he can do, fix, or put together anything!
He holds my hand.
He loves pizza as much as I do.
He adores his mother.
He is very friendly with everyone.
He tells me I make him want to be better.
Tanner challenges me to be better, especially lately.
He gets up early to come to my ward because I'm giving a talk.
He comes with me to church at 9:30 to make sure everyone knows I'm his.
He gets jealous that I dance with other boys in my dance class.
He has a really cute laugh that he makes fun of himself for.
He loves being physically active.
He will watch movies with me, and sometimes he'll watch what I want to watch even if he doesn't want to.
Tanner farts and burps non-stop; I really can't imagine him without his gastrointestinal pyrotechnics.
He eats all of my chips and cookies.
He plays Harry Potter Scene It with me.
He plays terrible jokes on me all the time.
He loves vegetables.
He is very passionate about everything he loves--or doesn't love.
He is so good at his job; as he would be at any job.
He loves animals, especially dogs.
Tanner argues with me just to frustrate me.
He came to surprise me in California. He even put up with the smoke and my crazy family.
He enjoys freak shows at Venice Beach like I do.
He's very expressive; if he really likes something or the way I look or whatever it is, he makes sure you know it.
He likes when I make waffles for him, and he buys me breakfast at Kneaders.
He has nice, big hands, even if he thinks I'm the only one who likes them.
He dresses really nicely.
He always smells so good.
Tanner has the cutest dimples.
He loves the movies that I love.
He also loves shoot 'em up, pointless movies.
He is willing to pray with me and read scriptures with me.
He's always trying so hard to be better.
He makes funny sound effects for everything and uses his hands to demonstrate his imaginings; he's very animated.
Tanner appreciates beauty, especially in women, all kinds of women! He doesn't expect super skinny crazy societally acceptable things.
He is really loud, no matter where we are.
He is fun.
He can laugh at himself for doing something dumb or saying something wrong.
He has a hot beard.
He tickles my neck with his beard.
Tanner lets me tickle him, and he has the cutest giggle.
He likes to drive because the guy is supposed to chauffeur.
He opens the door for me when we walk in somewhere.
He cares more about the quantity of the food than the quality--funny contrast to me.
He is opposite of me in so many ways.
He is spontaneous.
Tanner falls. Tanner doesn't care that he falls. And he falls hard!
My love has a lot of things he wants to accomplish.
He loves people; he likes to serve.
He is so weird. He bought a ninja costume.
He writes in all caps.
He tells me the same stories and experiences over and over again. It's cute.
Tanner is talented. He can do anything he's interested in.
He is very encouraging--my biggest fan.

I could keep going, I'm sure. But I wanted to write down all of the things that make Tanner unique... I wanted to write the reasons that I love him. I wanted to write the things I'd miss if I didn't have him anymore.

Tanner... I love you! :)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

El Secreto

First of all, Bri and Aric put this in their blog, so I thought I'd take it just to make everyone else feel inadequate. Buahaha. Just teasing. But seriously.

112 words

Speed test



(P.S. I got 118 WPM after a couple more times)

And before I start working, I wanted to talk about The Secret. I've been trying to use it the last few days. I always try, but especially the last few days. I use it most days at school to get a good parking spot in crazy BYU parking lots. Granted, this is partly a matter of timing as far as arriving when people are leaving. But when lots of cars are in search of a spot, and I manage to have timing good enough to retrieve someone else's spot, I know it's because I was thinking positive.

On Saturday night at work, I was overwhelmed. I really, really needed a slow night so I could get some stuff done for school. It was pretty slow for a Saturday! I was able to get done what I wanted. I know it's because I wasn't saying, "I don't want customers to come in. I don't want to be busy. I don't want to not get homework done." I was saying my desires in positive forms. And I was blessed.

On Mondays at Blockbuster, the drop box is always full. It goes crazy around 5:30 or 6 when people get off work and bring back their movies a day before they're due, usually. Most Mondays make it impossible to keep up. Yesterday, I didn't want the drop box to be crazy. I was so exhausted that I had fallen asleep in some of my classes and sat out in dance. So I decided the drop box would be slow and that I could get some homework done. Well, I finished my reading for short story class, and got almost halfway through my teaching grammar reading. We were pretty busy for Monday night, and on Mondays there's a LOT to do. But I managed to catch back up with the drop box before I left so I could help my manager and coworker out. Anyway, I really have been thinking positive and using it to my advantage.

Yesterday, like I said, I was so exhausted. I wanted to leave school early, but I had a paper to turn in for my short story class (which turned out to be one amazing paper, might I add). I wasn't thinking, "I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in class. I don't want to wait to go home till 3." I was thinking, "I want sleep. I want to go home." So I went to class, and it turns out that my professor prepared for the next class period; he was a day ahead. He couldn't pull something together in the ten minutes he gave us to do group work, so he let us go home early. That was my doing, I tell you. The class can thank me for my commands of the universe.

Anyway, it's sort of a funny thing, but I want to bear testimony of positive thinking/using the Secret. It really is a principle that is in line with the gospel for the most part. Being obedient plus thinking positive yields amazing results. Even if the "law of attraction" is bogus, positive thinking never hurt anyone.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Oh wretched soul that I am...

So I can't start doing all of my homework without expressing some gratitude. If you haven't gotten the impression, it's been a really difficult week for me.

I woke up at 8:15 to get ready for church, after jumping forward an hour, which meant I didn't get a lot of sleep...Around five hours if you were wondering. I sat in bed deciding whether to go to church with all of this stuff I have to do. Something told me I needed to go, that I would be blessed if I went. Then I realized after I walked out the door that it was stake conference and church didn't start till 10. I could have gotten an extra half hour of sleep. Wow, was I stressed. Here I was, short on sleep, not wanting to go to church, with tons of stuff hanging over my head. But I went. I even debated leaving early, "Gosh, I just have so much to do. Surely one hour is good enough..." Nope. He was holding me down in my chair. And it's a good thing.

Because I truly needed the encouragement of those talks today. I truly needed those words. And He knew that. Up until the very end of the meeting, the last random topic my stake president spoke on, I heard things I needed to hear.

President Hoyt talked for the last two minutes about discouragement. He reassured us that we are Heavenly Father's children, that we need to keep making an effort. He said not to belittle ourselves. Another girl spoke on reaching perfection through faith in Christ and his atonement. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. I already knew this, but I needed the reminder.

I am so grateful for His love and help when I feel most undeserving of it.

Three best things...

1. Church. I said this already, and I've explained it already, but I needed church today. I am so, so glad that I went.

2. Sunshine. It is beautiful and warm outside. I love springtime, and I love when I can smell flowers in the air.

3. My organization. I may have procrastinated for probably the first time in my life this week, but I have been blessed with skills that help me to get through these situations.

There was salt in the air...

There was salt in the air
tonight
when I walked outside.

There was water in the air
tonight,
pushing the desert away.

There was a smell in the air
tonight
that reminded me of home.

No reason for that formatting or a strange attempt at poetry. It just kind of came out like that. But it's true, the air smelled like salt tonight. It was really moist for Utah air. I suddenly recalled nights at the beach with friends, having a bonfire, walking on the pier, smelling the fish that my dad caught so late at night. Nothing describes that feeling, the peace that is brought to me with that smell, with that cold, wet air in my face.

I miss California.

I shouldn't even be writing a blog right now. I have so much else to be doing. I have a 5 page paper due for one class, two short stories to read for the same class, two short stories and 3 questions to answer for Spanish class, and a short paper due for religion--all this for Monday. Have I been able to do any of it? No. Awesome.

Anyway, I'm doing what I can to not freak out, probably a good reason to write a blog, right?

Work was so mellow. I prayed for slow work tonight so I could get stuff done, which I did, thank heaven.

I'm thankful for
1. Friends. People who want me around and who make my life fun, people who care and listen.

2. Church. It's really hard to go sometimes, especially knowing how much I have to do this weekend. But if I didn't have the knowledge that I do, things would be so much more difficult than they are.

3. My cute rabbit. It's nice knowing there's another warm body in my room when I come home. She's so sweet and loves to be cuddled.

Going to bed.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Proportional Difficulties

I'm having some sad feelings that are bringing me down. I don't really want to publicly write about it. Instead I decided I should type some things I'm grateful for so that I can feel better.

1. American Idol. Sad as it sounds, I have something to work toward when Idol is on at night.

2. Heavy metal/screamo. I know many/most of you, my faithful readers and friends, listen to mellow music, as do I. But sometimes there's no other way for me to experience a healthy catharsis without some Thursday or Rage Against the Machine or whatever it be. Whatever feelings you have, there's music for it, so I'm grateful for that.

3. Sleep. I haven't been getting enough of it lately, and my body is exhausted. It's an interesting concept--sleeping. But I love it nevertheless.

4. Coupons. I don't believe that I am cheap, and I won't throw a fit over paying more for my name brand cereal. Some things are just worth it! But I love saving a few bucks here and there. I bought two signature sandwiches and two sodas at Hogi Yogi yesterday, which normally would have been $14-15. Instead I got all of that for $9. Woot! Love coupons.

I originally started my blog so I could feel better because I had forgotten the topic that popped into my head as I was walking to work. But I remembered as I was doing my three best things.

I've decided that as we progress in life, things never really seem to get easier. Maybe it's something like, "When I get out of school, I'll have so much time to do this or do that." Then I listen to my mother's to-do list, and I end up being grateful for my struggle at the moment.

I think it's important to be understanding and compassionate towards others no matter what phase you are at in life. While my mom or any other adult has their concerns, I have mine too. Whether they are more or less trivial isn't really relevant because the fact is that I am 21 years old, not 45. My struggles are proportioned to my age and my situation.

I got to thinking, you know, I was really stressed out in high school! I was thinking, "Wow, it's so much easier than my life now. I wish I could just go back and do assignments as simple as a review sheet." And then I realized, I had as much difficulty with those things then as I have with certain things now. So it would seem now that those experiences are over with that they are easier than what I am experiencing now, which is just not true. So when I'm 35 with kids to take care of, I'll probably think, "Wow, I wish I could just go back to college. It was so much easier." When it's not true. Different challenges are assigned to different stages of life.

Not sure where I'm going with this, really. I think just be grateful for the here and now, enjoy the ride, don't wish it away, and learn all you can. I'll keep trying. I hope I never say, "I can't wait till my kids are grown and out of my house," or "I can't wait till I have time to read all of those books I want to read." I'd rather appreciate the moments, and seize the little time that I have to do things that I love.

In case you were wondering, I do feel much better after writing!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Moment of Truth

Oh, the Moment of Truth. I just had a brief yet in-depth conversation with my coworker, Ben, about this horrid show on Fox. I'm not going to lie, I've watched it (three times now--the miss America girl, the gambler, and the New Jersey Jewish woman). I've laughed at it, and I've been somewhat appalled by the things people have done and admitted to.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, a contestant can win $500,000 by answering 21 questions. They have previously been hooked up to a lie detector and answered 50 questions. Obviously, 21 of those are chosen, and the contestant doesn't know the results of the test.

In talking with Ben, I was able to really sort out my views of this show. The premise is OK, really, if you're a decent person with no skeletons in your closet. Just be honest, and win some money while you're at it. But here are my issues...

The contestant doesn't know the results of their lie detector test. He or she could have thought they answered truthfully, but maybe they were lying to themselves at the time, you know? So in that way it's a big risk for the contestant. Then again, if the contestant is a self-aware person and is honest with him or herself, there shouldn't be a problem.

How accurate and reliable are lie detector tests anyway? Does anyone know? I haven't heard good things, but this is just an issue of mine that could probably be resolved.

The audience! I believe a lot of Americans watch this show simply to make them feel better about their sad lives. The contestant last night said that she had claimed that a large charge on her credit card was not hers when it was. Sorry, but she is NOT the only one in this country, and probably even in the studio audience, who has done that. Like I need to sit here and feel better about myself because "I haven't done anything as bad as these people have." I have my own issues that I know could be brought up on that show, so there's no place for me to be judging somebody. (Although it takes a probable idiot or a really desperate individual to subject themselves to judgment in the first place.)

The world! How sad is it that somebody would possibly sacrifice their marriage, family, and things of true value for any amount of money!? The woman last night admitted she had a secret that she knew could probably ruin her marriage. How awful! A woman on a commercial for the show was asked by her ex-boyfriend if she would leave her husband if her ex wanted her back. She said YES! Her husband's heart had to have been broken, as many hearts probably are on this show... For WHAT? Money? What have we convinced ourselves of? Money is worth everything that actually matters? Please. Americans, you are kidding yourselves.

Mistakes being brought up again. How awful! People do bad things, but it doesn't make them bad people. This show nullifies the idea of repentance and fixing mistakes. Satan conquers people by making them believe both that what they have done is OK, but also by making them feel guilty forever for their wrongdoings. Why do these past things need to be brought up? What good will it do?

I don't need to watch one more show that makes me even more disappointed than I already am in the society in which we live. People have secrets, and people have made mistakes, and I'll readily admit that I am no exception. I have things that probably would make that retarded sound-board audience go, "Ooooohhhh..." I'd hope that I'm a better person today than I was last year, and maybe some contestants on the show aren't. But I don't need to sit and judge people to feel better about my life. I'd rather believe that they can be forgiven because I have. I'd rather believe that they are still loved because I am.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Subscribe

Fortunately I have an awesome hip and with it boss who's right on top of this blog business. She told me how to do subscriptions so it's not so much work to try to keep up with our friends' and family members' blogs.

When you log into your gmail, click Reader at the top. You can add subscriptions that way by typing in the blog addresses. On the left side, all of the blogs you subscribe to should show up, and you can click show "updated" or "all." Obviously for new ones you'd want to click "updated." When you first add the subscriptions, they should all be "updates" because the reader doesn't know you've read them already.

So I went through and just scanned all the way down through each blog so that it knows that I've read them and takes them off of the "updates" portion. I hope that makes sense. You all can play with it, but that's a nice way to just have your subscriptions shown to you when you log into your gmail.

Neener Neener

I went to get a bagel out of the vending machine in the building across the street from my work. I'm pretty sure my milk is bad, so I couldn't have cereal, and I wanted a bagel.

Excitedly, I walked up to the machine and peered inside at the vast array of edible substances sitting happily within their slots. And then I look at the bagels. Plain. Honey and wheat. Plain. Honey and wheat. My eyes scanned back over the bagels three more times, hoping that they had read incorrectly, when to my surprise, there were three more rows of bagels right in front of me that my silly eyes had missed. Honey and wheat. Plain. Plain.

I ask you all in earnest, what good is a plain bagel? Who on earth likes a plain bagel? You might as well eat 9 pieces of white bread--it's the same nutritional value and a thousand times the carbs. Awesome.

"Fine," I sighed to myself. "I guess I'll just get a honey and wheat bagel. I'm hungry." I made my selection; the bottom slot opened up so my delicious bagel could fall into the bottom. Speaking of, I love that there was a shield between the vending and the bottom pick-up slot in this machine, as though somebody with really long arms is going to sit on the ground, reach his little thief hand up, and snatch a Lunchable. Anyway, I retrieved my honey and wheat bagel, only to see that the bagel behind it was a blueberry one. Feelings of disappointment shot through my heart--much like the kind of disappointment one feels when he or she wakes up one minute before the alarm goes off. If only someone had gotten this before me, so that the blueberry bagel would have been at my disposal. Then I might have achieved the breakfasty satisfaction I had hoped for this morning.

So here I sit in honey wheat bagel-caused melancholy which is intensified by the miniscule amount of cream cheese they put in those foil Philadelphia packets. I squeezed that packet like a bad zit (similar levels of desperation drive me forward), but to no avail. There is not enough cream cheese on my unwanted honey wheat bagel.

Monday, March 3, 2008

I Should Tell You...

that you were my first love... I am officially addicted to "The Hat" by Ingrid Michaelson. Seriously, let's talk about feel good groove music.

I don't really have anything specific to write about. But I realized I had a big event last week that I have yet to record. Fortunately, Tanner wrote most of if. He's so cute, and I'm so excited just to see where things go with him.

My missionary prep teacher (brother Bott) said today that he had 4 people in one section, and 1 in my section, who were called to serve in the Micronesia Guam mission. I thought that was neat.

Today was such a hard day. Maybe I'll write about that. It's usually pretty necessary for me to maintain balance by writing. It's just not usually public. Censored Janae--quite possibly a much less dynamic Janae. I got up super early and got ready for school. I got to work at 8:15ish. I had two classes, then an hour between classes because Spanish was canceled for the test. So I studied during that hour. Then I had dance, and short story. I was SO exhausted in dance. I can't even believe how tired I was today. Seven hours of sleep must be like in the middle of a REM cycle or something because I'm always so tired after seven hours. That Spanish test was really fair. It was exactly what he said it would be, but I didn't really realize the extent of some of the things, so anyway. I don't think I failed. That's good. Probably a C at the worst, actually. It didn't take as long as I thought it would.

But just in case it was going to take a long time, I called my boss at Blockbuster to say I might be a few minutes late. I had time to go home and sit for like 10-15 minutes reading blogs and whatnot. Mind you I hadn't really had like a consistent, real meal all day. Needless to say I became starving at work, so I ordered myself a pizza. Yeah, I deserved it after this freaking day. 10-15 minutes to myself is not sufficient for sanity. Cold Stone probably could've topped it off, but oh well.

I have to do a group project in short story class. I've noticed that I'm a moderately aggressive person. I know when to be aggressive, when to sit back a little, and when to just keep my mouth shut. There are customers at Blockbuster who will wait in a really long line to ask a simple question. It's like, dude, just walk up and ask. Not a big deal. Other people are far TOO aggressive, asking every five minutes if the same movie has come in, interrupting when I am busy with another customer... Guess what kid? Newsflash! You're not the most important person in the world, so sit in the corner and wait your turn. I bring this up because in group work, I've learned to be moderately aggressive. I know when to say things. I know how to take charge if I need to, but I am very careful to leave it open for others, so as not to completely control situations. There is a girl in my group who is far too aggressive. I wanted to hold a yellow traffic light in her face. Don't get me wrong, I respect go-getters and people who don't like to procrastinate, but it seemed like this girl was just a little excessive in her worries. Anyway, enough on aggression.

I am so sleepy. What a long day. I'm so thankful everything went smoothly, that my test is over with, and that I didn't run into any small problems that could have made my day worse. Oh, the power of prayer.

Since Bri responded to my 3 best things I am encouraged to do it again.

1. Papa John's pizza. Sorry, but sometimes there's just nothing better than a sweet pizza-like deal with garlic butter sauce.

2. My bed. It's comfy and waiting for me, and I like to stay there a lot.

3. Reading. I don't know why I thought of this. I rarely get to do any reading of my choosing, but when I do, it's relaxing, and I love it.