Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Walk with Me

My cousin's baby was born prematurely. She was smaller than one of my cousin's hands. Madison Horne is one of many babies born in this state.

So this Saturday on May 3rd at 9:00 AM, I am participating in the March of Dimes. It starts at Pioneer Park on 500 West Center Street in Provo. If you want to walk with me on Leah's team or donate, visit this site.

I am committed to the March of Dimes mission to celebrate babies who are born healthy and to raise funds for babies who need help to survive and thrive. Please join me in this worthy cause!


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Big Things!

Well, the first night Tanner and I arrived in California, my mom wanted to show me all of her big changes around the house. We got to bed pretty late. I slept on the couch and Tanner slept on the huge LoveSac.

On Thursday we were supposed to get our hair cut and do pictures, but my cousin/hair stylist's house got flooded, and it just didn't work out. It was pretty awful. So I decided to look at potential reception locations, after having lunch at In-N-Out. We went to one ghetto place in Monrovia--no thanks. We went by this other house in Azusa, but it was closed, and they require you to use their catering, so that's pretty lame. I wanted to go to this place in Pasadena called the Pasadena Historical Museum, but we didn't have time to visit it, and my mom says it's too expensive. So as far as accomplishing reception places, I was out of luck. That night we went to Lotus Garden Chinese restaurant. So good. I love that place.

The next day was Friday. We went and got donuts at Donut Man. We were supposed to do our hair and get pictures taken that day, but we had forgotten about traffic headed to Vegas. And I'd like to take this opportunity to send a shout out to those lovely highway patrolmen who were blocking off the left lane of the freeway and causing horrible traffic for no apparent reason. Thanks guys! So we finally got there. I did an awful job communicating how I wanted my hair cut. I was thinking that she would remember. It was just a shag, and I didn't want a lot taken off the bottom. But after I realized that my layers weren't very short, I just had her take more off all around, and it ended up being a little shorter than I was expecting. Plus she styled it in what might have been a cute way, but I thought I looked like a member of the Partridge family with my little 70s hair-do. So I freaked out because it was not what I was expecting, and I wanted my hair to be how it was in December for our pictures. I fixed it, and it still doesn't look much like a shag, but it's better now, and I have finished freaking out. So we decided to forgo the pictures on Friday because we had to get to Medieval Times around 7 PM.

We arrived at Medieval Times with Mom's VIP pass and whatnot. We had our usual strawberry daiquiris with delicious whipped cream. We looked at the horses and walked around some. Apparently a lot of things were going on when I wasn't looking. When the knighting ceremony was going on before the games in the arena, we went out to watch. Then they called "Sir Phillips Tanner," which was funny to begin with. My parents do that kind of stuff all the time--pay to get announcements made and embarrassing cute things done. So I figured they were just doing that for Tanner for his first trip to Medieval Times. He was totally surprised. They asked if he wanted anyone to join him up there, and he asked that I join him. He was on his knees, and the king knighted both of us. They asked me to step out in front of him for a picture. I still was thinking my parents were silly, not thinking much of the whole thing. I was surprisingly calm in spite of the tons of onlookers and was completely oblivious to the fact that they don't normally invite girls onto the knighting stage, and to the fact that Tanner was on his knees. Yep. Oblivious. I'm really dumb and easy to surprise. So the herald guy asks Sir Phillips if he has anything else that he'd like to say, and suddenly I look down and there is the ring box in Tanner's shaking hand, and he says, "Janae, will you marry me?" I just looked at him and smiled and said yes twice I think, and hugged and kissed him. The crowd cheered. It was cute :) Then they let us go into the arena before everyone else, announcing us as just having gotten engaged. A girl looked at me and said, "Congratulations!" and it was really sweet. We sat down in the middle of the first row in the black and white knight's section. We were given champagne glasses with metal bases that line up to make a heart. We were also given Martinelli's because my mom told them that we don't drink. It was so cute and darling. We got lots of pictures, too. And I was given the knight's sash thing to be the Queen of Love and Beauty. I drove home with my ring on my hand. It's still so strange to see it there--in a good way! Tanner planned this whole thing (and my parents added the surprise element) because he wanted to surprise me. He sure did! :)

Tanner spent the rest of the night editing this video of the event that my dad took. It's darling:

So on Saturday my dad made us breakfast. My brothers, Tanner, and I all got ready and went to hang out in my really cool old people car. We got done with that around 2 or so. Tanner and I went to get In-N-Out again. I took money to the bank for Mom and got something for her and Jared at Wendy's. Tanner and I hung out, just looking at websites and me looking at dresses and stuff. We left for Corona Del Mar around 4. My cousins were there, camera in hand, and we took lots and lots of pictures. I'm very happy with how they turned out. Here they are:

After we got pictures taken, we went home. Tanner wanted pizza and to watch a movie. So while Jason was at his gig in Hollywood, we watched a movie in his room. We got Papa John's and also bought ice cream at Stater Bros. I slept through most of the movie. Good thing, too, because Tanner was pretty disappointed with it. We went to bed, and I had my alarm set on my phone for 9:45 to get up for church at 11 AM.

I realized while I was getting ready on Sunday that I had gone to church at 11 in December, and they had announced a time change to early church. Great. I had missed sacrament. Tanner still wasn't awake (and he isn't that good at hurrying ;)) so we stayed home. I was really sad to have missed church. We watched October Sky and kind of laid around doing nothing. Mom made a delicious dinner of lemon-marinated chicken, pasta shells and white cheddar, rice, salad, baked beans, and rolls. She's so cute. It was so good. We learned how to use some things in my "new" car. Tanner took the crow bar out of the trunk and put it on the steering wheel, very concerned that someone would steal it. I organized and packed some stuff to the best of my ability. I put some things out in the car, too. I made chocolate chip cookies, and my mom fixed both Tanner's and my jeans. She took care of all sorts of stuff for me--put air in my tires, radiator and windshield wiper fluid, and bought us some stuff at the store. I got a text that night on my phone from Rachel saying it was the last text she'd send and was turning her phone off--the next time I'd hear from her she'd be in England. I got it two hours after she sent it, so I was a little sad :(

Monday morning I woke up at 7:30--my phone had somehow turned off so my alarm didn't go off. Anyway, it was fine. Tanner and I got ready, packed, put our stuff in the car, went to Stater Bros. to get ice and drinks, and stopped at Jack in the Box for breakfast. I miss their breakfast! We hit the road at around 9:15 in the morning. I drove through Vegas, and we stopped and got gas. Then we stopped in St. George for about 40 minutes to see my friend Shivani and her mom. Tanner drove from St. George to Fillmore, where we stopped again for gas, and then on through to Provo. It was a really good drive, and my super cool car behaved very well.

The whole way, we listened to Dr. John Lund's For All Eternity, which Tanner's mom bought us. We came to some resolves, had some good conversations, agreed on what might be good things to try, and what the best ways were to go about things. It was really a great experience listening to those. We have one CD left to listen to. We got to my apartment around 8 PM Utah time (7 California time--10 hours of driving) I unpacked my things. We drove to Tanner's parents' house for s'mores. We talked about some wedding things and whatnot.

And here I am back at work with lots of things to do. Yippee!

But I do have a beautiful ring on my finger and also a great fiancee. It's weird to look down at my ring and go, "oh wow, I have a diamond ring on my wedding ring finger," and realize repeatedly that I am engaged. I wish I could never get used to it being there!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sad Day

I'm writing this blog in hopes that, after venting some sadness and following it up with my three best things, I will feel better.

I didn't go to the gym. I am tired, and I will be up late tonight. I was up late last night. I am experiencing my monthly conveniences, and I'm sorry, but riding a bike just didn't appeal to me in the situation. I got up and got ready and went to school for my last final at 8 AM. I rocked the shiz out of that mofo, I'll tell you what! It was SUCH a fair final. If you did the reading and understood our discussions in class and stuff, you really didn't have to study, and you'd do fine. So I did. There was a quotation where I wasn't sure which story it was from, and I also missed the first question. haha. But they were worth a small number of points. I think I did well on the short essay questions as well. Thank goodness I know my stuff. Plus English majors know how to BS anything.

I was pretty stoked at how easy and quick that final was. I took it up to the front to exchange it for my graded research paper. I wrote it on Stephen Crane's "The Open Boat," and was arguing that it was typical of naturalist literature. I was arguing basically with the idea that it was biographical because one article I read had argued that it was literary nonfiction--in other words, a biographical/truthful experience written in a more articulate, less journalistic way. I don't think this is true at all, so that's what I was arguing, and I'm pretty sure I made it very clear. It appears my professor did not like my argument. He didn't feel it was important. I got an 83 out of 100. For me, this is horrible. Seriously, I'm ready to cry about it. That's how disappointed I am. I spent a lot of time preparing for that paper and organizing it in the way that I wanted to. He wrote that my expertise with the material was good, but "So what if the story doesn't fit neatly into one of the categories?" and said do more work to justify my work with definition or drop it in favor of a more important analysis. Don't get me wrong, I see what he's saying, but why can Stephanie Eye argue about the story being "fact" with no justification, and I can't argue that it's "fiction" without justification? So the topic interested me... Sorry that it doesn't interest you--you didn't really say that was one of the criteria. Seventeen points off of a paper because you don't see why my argument is important is not fair. Does anyone agree? Anyway... I just don't get B-s on papers, and I felt a lot better about my work than that, so, I'm pretty disappointed. It completely bursted my bubble after I was so happy about that final. Plus, to be done with finals should feel awesome, but my excitement is completely suppressed by that paper score.

It's really cloudy and sad outside today, too, which doesn't make me very happy.

I just talked to my coworker about my paper, and he thinks that I'm right--that my professor is basically saying he doesn't like my argument. This kind of fans my fire, but I still don't want to talk to my professor. I get intimidated by that sort of thing. I almost just want people to read it and tell me what they think--if my professor is right or if he's being a little harsh or using personal taste to grade it. The opinions of other intelligent people who I respect would really make a difference, and if anyone else agreed with him and told me why, then I'd gladly accept the criticism. If you want to read my paper, let me know and I'll email it to you (Rachel, Tracy, Mom, that means you!)

OK, I'd better write out some things that I am grateful for so I can be happier about this.

1. My parents. My mom plans everything for me and is so cute and excited all the time. We're going to Medieval Times this week just because Tanner's never been there, and it's fun. She pays for me to fly out there, and would do it any time I need to come home for a while for no reason at all. I love to call my dad and talk to him about anything intellectually stimulating. I feel like I'm one of the few people he gets that sort of stimulation from in his life, so it is always fun even if I wish he could suspend some of his views to see the things that are really important.

2. Money. I sold some textbooks back. I'm a little mad because I got ripped off on one of my books, but it's my fault because I didn't check first. Anyway, I sold back my Spanish textbook, Papel Mojado, my Teaching Grammar book, and my teaching students with disabilities book. I would have sold back my short story book but the binding is sooo jacked, they wouldn't have bought it. I got $68, so that's pretty fun to just have some extra money I guess. I'll keep twenty and put the rest in the bank I think.

3. Ice cream. Cody and I got ice cream last night. Tanner came, but didn't get anything. If there's anything that can lift my spirits when I feel like poop in any way, it's ice cream.

4. Planes. I love that I don't have to drive home, and that it's sometimes even cheaper to fly home.

5. In-N-Out. I get to have it soon. Very soon. And my life will again be complete.

I feel more excited now! :)

Monday, April 21, 2008

An Answered Call

You know, I'm sometimes amazed at the way the Lord works. He is a funny guy, I tell you what.

At Institutional Assessment, I usually don't like to answer the phone. Normally people are looking for statistics and numbers which I do not have access to--or at least lack knowledge of the process to obtain such information. I have to take message or forward people to voicemail or give them Tracy's email address because I can't help them out. Therefore, why bother answering the phone if I'm going to forward them to voicemail anyway?

I got two calls at work this morning. One was from a lady wondering if her Alumni Questionnaire she received a year and a half ago and forgot about would still be useful to us. "No, we actually have collected and analyzed all the data for that, so... Thank you for calling though."

The second call I didn't want to answer. It was Matt's turn. Matt turned and asked if I was clocked in. I responded that I was, and he said that he wasn't, so I had to answer it. He gave me a little "neener neener" kind of sound. I answered the phone: "Institutional Assessment, this is Janae." (Let me add that sometimes I want to answer the phone "Blockbuster North Provo this is Janae just because it's an automatic sort of thing.) On the other end was a man curious about the numbers that make BYU look good--ACT scores, how many undergraduates go on to graduate school, etc. I directed him toward the website for some basic information that makes BYU look fantastic. I also gave him my manager's e-mail address so he could get those specific numbers he was looking for. He told me that he was trying to get his kids to come to BYU instead of UCLA. He said she was concerned about all of the Mormons and everything. Hm. This piqued my interest.

Among the colleges I got into, UCLA was one of them. Holy cow! UCLA! I wanted to go there so badly. Do you know how many geniuses have gone or go to UCLA? Do you know how hard it is to get in there? I worked my butt off in high school, took International Baccalaureate classes, enrolled in SAT prep classes, and was involved in extra curricular activities, all so that I could get into a school like UCLA. Sweet! I had earned the prestige I worked so hard for.

"I want you to apply to BYU," said my mother. "What the? I don't want to go to BYU! I wanted to go there in like fifth grade when I didn't know how horrible Utah was, Mom!" "Janae, it's a good school and it's cheap, please just apply." "Oh gosh, fine." So I applied. I took the ACT carelessly one time, without any preparation. Why did I have to take the ACT? No other colleges I wanted to go to required it. Then for whatever reason, my application fee didn't go through and therefore I hadn't received my letter from BYU when it was almost the end of the school year. I had to make a special call to the admissions office to check the status of my application, after the fee was paid. After much waiting and hassle, Darrin Eckton had personally reviewed and approved my application. I was accepted to BYU, he told me on the phone. I was ecstatic. Why the heck was I ecstatic? I didn't even want to go to BYU.

I had weighed my options. It was cheap. It was close to family. It was far enough away from the family. It would only be four years. OK.

So I came up here. I didn't accept my opportunity to enroll at the oh-so-prestigious UCLA that I had worked my butt off for. Needless to say, getting accepted to BYU is no easy task (although the occasional imbecility and ignorance of students in my classes pops this prestige bubble).

"Just so you know, as a personal note, I am from Southern California, and I got into UCLA too, and I go to BYU." "Really? Are you a member of the church?" "I sure am." "Great! Could I get your number so my kids can talk to you?" "The number at this office that you have works fine, actually." "OK, well, let me put you on the phone with one of my daughters. I have twins who both are trying to decide what school to go to." In the distance I heard, "This girl is from California and got into UCLA and goes to BYU. Talk to her." "Hello?" "Hi, who am I talking to?" "Megan." "Hi Megan, I'm Janae! Are you graduating this year?" "Yeah." "Cool, from where?" "Granada." "Oh, OK, well I'm from Los Angeles and went to Charter Oak. I don't know if you've heard of it. I guess your dad wants me to convince you to come to BYU." She laughed a small courtesy laugh. Talking to this girl gave me an opportunity to recount all of the reasons I did come to BYU. I didn't know it at the time, but there are a million reasons.

I told her one of the first things that comes to my mind is the environment. I told her it gets stifling and annoying at times. I told her about the term "Zoobies," and laughingly told her how kids greet each other with goofy high fives. But, I had to mention, it is such a blessing being in BYU approved housing. The curfews, the "no boys in the bedrooms" rule, the lack of alcohol, that you'd never have to wonder if your roommate is going to bring a boy into the room or what they're going to do or when you can come back in... It's so nice not to have to deal with that. Also, four years is up in no time! I said I understood where she was coming from, California, being a place of diversity and not wanting to come up here. She laughed in affirmation. I told her that in spite of that, it was a great and positive environment. The spirit on campus is so unique and good. "The thing is, that as a Californian, you've already experienced all of that crap--people who live differently than you. You've experienced it and therefore don't need to keep living with that challenge. People from Provo who stay in Provo and go here might have a problem not experiencing the real world. But you don't need to."

I told her the Honor Code is great because professors trust you. I told her about how I had just recently mistakenly turned in the wrong research paper to one of my professors and how gracious and nice he was about it because he could trust his students.

I said the campus is beautiful, everything is really nice, and that we have the third best library in the country (it's true!).

I told her to be mindful of the price, that this really was a great school and that she would graduate without debt. "A degree is a degree, and your GPA doesn't go on your certificate. What are you going into?" "Biology." "Oh, see, I don't know much about that department at all. But I took a biology class for a general, and it was a really good class. I'm horrible at biology, but really, the teachers and classes here are so good and just as challenging as they would be anywhere else. Your education is totally what you make of it."

I asked her two or three times if she had any specific questions to ask me. She told me, "No, it's just hard to decide. There's good and bad about both places."

This concerned me, that she had no questions. This is the point I was at in high school, and fortunate for me, I made the right choice. High schools want to push you to do well so you can go to a college with a good name! Go to the school you've earned! What about everything else? How will this school challenge you mentally? What is the reputation of the program I am going into? Is there an institute close by? What will the environment and the students be like? Uplifting or distracting? What kinds of clubs and programs are available on campus that I can be involved in? How are the dorms? How much is tuition? What am I going to do with my degree, and will it make a difference where my certificate is from? What is the weather like? Is family close? Do I WANT them close? How high is cost of living? Do I want to date a lot or look to be married before or by the time I graduate? Do I do sports? What kind of athletics programs are available? Will it be fun? Does it matter if it's fun? Spiritually speaking, will I learn and grow here more than anywhere else?

Those aren't the kinds of questions high school counselors train you to ask yourself. But those are things I've had to weigh and look at over the years. I've realized that there was a LOT I needed to learn by coming to this school. I was lacking in preparation for marriage and motherhood. I was lacking in spiritual knowledge. I needed to be on my own and run my own life and finances and apartment. I don't know that being anywhere else would have challenged me in the ways that BYU has. It's shown me that a lot of things I once took to be casual and unimportant actually really matter the most. And yeah, BYU makes me mad. And yeah, Provo upsets me. But so what? No one said I wouldn't feel that way. But I have learned, and I have grown in all of the ways that matter.

Maybe BYU isn't the right school for everyone. But the Lord knew it was the right one for me. And maybe the Lord in all of His wisdom had me answer her call for once for a reason. I told Megan from Granada to pray about her decision--that maybe BYU wouldn't be right for her. I hope she's willing to hear the answer like I was.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I Need to Give Thanks

I just need to write out some three best things because I'm feeling a lot of gratitude for some things right now.

One of them is that I'm friends with such amazing people. I hope you guys know that I didn't actually write that last post to have a pity party. Just was being open about some feelings of mine. Nevertheless, thank you for your encouragement and love.

Secondly, I'm grateful for kind people. After a night of dealing with aggressive, rude, or otherwise boring customers, one kind person can really make a difference. One of our customers, Mr. Hamblin, is quite a regular. He's in the store every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and I'm wondering when he'll run out of movies to see. Tonight he called to see if Lars and the Real Girl was in, and I got it for him and held it up front. He showed up to switch out his movie (he has movie pass), and threw a bag from Albertson's in front of me that contained a box of vanilla and almonds Haagen Dazs bars. Those are my absolute favorite. He told me that he appreciates us, and to remember to share with the others. It was so darling and cute and such a simple but amazing way of expressing appreciation for me and the rest of us for simply doing our JOBS. I really appreciated that and told him that those were my favorite and thanked him a couple of times. It really meant a lot to me, actually.

Lastly, I'm grateful to have a boy who keeps asking me if I'm sure I don't want a bigger ring. I dunno if you all know, but I have midget hands. Anything bigger than the ring I chose would look silly on my hand. It really is relative, and I think he can express his love to me in other ways besides a larger karat diamond. But his willingness to please me and give me what I want is adorable. Also, I am grateful that he puts up with me and loves me when I'm unable to do anything but frown as a result of the irrational emotions of PMS.

Those are my three best things today. It was kind of a hard day in lots of ways for me, mostly because of my aforementioned female-induced state, but getting distracted at work and caught up in the hilarity and goodness around me really made a difference. I had a lot of fun tonight at work, and I'm so grateful for it.

I need to get to sleep. Thanks again to all of you who read my last blog and responded so thoughtfully to it. I appreciate your encouragement.


Friday, April 18, 2008

Hey, Jealousy

Well, I clicked to post a new blog, but I had nothing to write about. Then I thought of what has been plaguing me a lot as of late: jealousy.

This is a really personally exposing sort of thing for me to write about. I have never been a jealous person. I was always secure and always felt like, "If you're with me, you're with me." I've felt like I have enough to offer in a lot of regards that some physical things I might be lacking might be shrugged off. I never REALLY struggled very badly with self-esteem. My understanding of the gospel and my place in Heavenly Father's heart has made those kinds of struggles much easier for me than for others.

And yet I'm finding myself in the place of that "green-eyed monster" a lot. It really doesn't do any good to get jealous. I've always thought that, so I've never been that sort of person. What good does it do to be insecure in a relationship when someone really does love you? It just hurts them to think that you don't feel their love. What good does it do to get mad if a comment is made about some girl who is likely a thousand times more attractive than you? The comment isn't going to get taken back. That individual is not going to suddenly become unattractive. And let's face it, the person who makes these comments probably isn't going to say what you want them to say in order to fully reassure you of your status in their eyes.

I think this goes back to what happened to me when I was seventeen years old. I had had a boyfriend for a very long time, almost 3 years by the time we started having problems. I was very secure and very in love, and it ended up being that he was wanting to "explore his options" and keep me around at the same time. Hopefully you get what I'm hinting at, and I'll avoid the details. I've written enough on this topic to have healed for the most part. But it hurt more than anything I had ever known up until that point. I think this has had a horrible effect on me as far as being secure with myself in relationships and trusting people, especially when they tell me that they love me.

I'm not saying I should blame all of this new found jealousy on him. The nature of the relationship that I'm in now was also a little shaky/sketchy at the beginning. It added a lot to my insecurity and took a lot away from my confidence. I am still battling with it a lot and try not to say much about it. Internally reminding myself that I am loved and that I am appreciated and respected and adored helps to some degree, and it keeps me from making any references to the past.

Why the heck am I exposing this battle with myself to all of you? Good question. I have no idea. I just felt like maybe writing some of it out and trying to understand myself through things that I have experienced might help. Because the fact is that I need to get over this.

I am going to be married this year! Marriage is not going to make me more secure or more OK with comments about how attractive another girl is. It's not going to miraculously fix things. I need to fix this before it becomes permanently damaging to my relationship.

I need to go back to my thought process from before and remember that I am a daughter of God. And I need to try to see the things that set me apart, that make me just as good as anyone else.

No, I am not tall and thin. No, I don't have DD cups. No, I can't sing or play the guitar. No, I don't play sports. No, I'm not simple and easygoing all the time. No, I don't have a funky eclectic style of dress. And no, I haven't done humanitarian work or gone abroad for any reason.

I am short, but I am strong. I am little, but I've got a lot to offer. I can't sing, but I do love music. I am not very athletic, but I love to exercise and watch some sports. I am complicated and difficult, but I work on it--and it makes life interesting. I don't have enough money to be super fashionable, but I can match! So I've stayed in the U.S. forever, but I am committing my education and my life to service through teaching.

I think it's important that we all hand it to ourselves sometimes and be sure we're amplifying the talents that God gave us. Maybe it'll help me to stop my ridiculous jealous reactions sooner or later.

Any tips to overcome these things I've never, ever wanted in my life?

Lastly, I really enjoy Shakespeare's 130th Sonnet. I think it gives a very real picture of love for those individuals who don't end up marrying America's Next Top Model. I love it:

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

So, while we're at this, how bout we all post this in our blog and indulge one another's egos? Comment and fill it out, please?

Your name:

What You Think About Me:

Am I one of your friends?:

Am I nice to you?:

HONESTLY do you think I'm Hot, Pretty, Cute, OK, Ugly,Disgusting?:

Do you ever think about me off-line?:

What do you like best about me?:

What annoys you most about me?:

One word to describe me:

Do you notice a strange habit I have?:

What is the nicest thing I have done for you?:

When you hear my name, what do you think of?:

What is my best feature?:

What guy/girl do you picture me with?:

Would you ever go out with me?(for the opposite sex only) :

Put An 'X' For Each One That Refers To Me


How Well Do You Know Me?

When is my birthday?:

My middle name?:

Who do I like?:

What grade am I in?:

My age?:

Any siblings?:

What color are my eyes?:

What color is my hair?:

What school do I go to?:

One Last Question...

Do ya love me?!:

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Yay! I'm Belle

I didn't feel like the Disney princess one that Bri and Aric took was very accurate. I found one of my own. :)

Which Disney Princess Are You?

You are Belle. You are strong, deep, and you are not a slave to petty superficial things. You are independent and allow yourself to see inner beauty without sacrificing your values. You are almost too good of a person.
Find Your Character @

This is Tanner's

This is the ring Tanner wants :)

Aaaand this is mine


The Jean Hole of Death

Today started out pretty good, you know... Tanner and I decided to go to the gym at 7 today instead of 6. So I got up and was extremely tired even though I had been sleeping for around 7 hours. I was woken up in the middle of a dream, so that whole complete REM thing is probably a factor. I started my normal routine at about 6:58 AM and did my lunges and calf raises. Tanner arrived, and we did the hip abductors, alternating turns. This dude had one more set to do on each machine and kind of messed up the flow of things. After that we did the leg curls and the quad guy, whatever that thing is called. Leg extensions! That's what they're called. Then we did the leg press to make our bums really hot. Then we did ab exercises and ten minutes or so of cardio.

Anyway I had a really great workout, and it was fun. I went home and got ready and was feeling good. It is an awesome hair day, mind you. I then left and dropped my movie off at Blockbuster.

After that, I decided I wanted to try one of those breakfast yogurt things from Jamba Juice because I have a gift card that Kristina Reish so kindly provided for me on my birthday. I was a little disappointed with the whole thing. I was one of two people in there, and it took forever, plus he forgot to put bananas on the top, I had to remind him to do it--I didn't pay almost $5 for you to gyp me on the bananas, fool. It didn't taste that good.

It was at this point that my day started going downhill. I went to Big! Lots and looked for a thank you card for my coworker who corrected my Spanish paper for a couple hours yesterday... I finally found one, but I didn't find a good gift for her. I realized as I was eating my little breakfast guy that the spoon was rubbing the inside of my top lip raw. Thanks, sharp plastic spoon, for giving me fun cuts inside of my mouth that will inhibit my kissing abilities. I wrote in the thank you card and drove to campus.

I just barely missed a good parking spot, this white car got to it before I did. It's OK though, it's a reading day so not many people are on campus. I walked my ever-so-long walk to work, and realized while walking that my feet were hurting really bad. I wanted to look cute today and wore my brown heels, which are normally reasonably comfortable. But not today. My little arch support guys must be flattened out or something because my toes were crunching into the front of my shoes. "Oh well, I can endure it for six more minutes," I thought, and continued walking.

I arrived at my office and placed some cookies and a card for Laura on her desk, while simultaneously knocking her keyboard wrist support thing onto the floor. I picked it up and went to take my coat off and sit down. As I was doing this, my hand brushed past my left back pocket, where it felt like my jeans had torn. "What the heck?" I thought. I stuck my left hand by my back pocket and discovered that, lo and behold, I could feel a large portion of my left buttcheek! Oh wow. That's right, a huge, glowing measure of my butt cheek was exposed through a hole in my jeans.

I was mortified. "Who had seen it?!" I thought. I have been to Jamba and Big! Lots and walked up 101 stairs to get to work with people behind me! I signed on to AIM and started typing frantically to Tanner about this disaster. He didn't answer, and I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and realized that if my shirt had been all the way down, probably no one would have noticed. You couldn't really see anything. But STILL! What if it wasn't all the way down?

It's a good thing almost no one was in Big! Lots, and that I stood with my back toward the wall in Jamba Juice, where there was also almost no one. But I have probably destroyed the innocent minds of the students at BYU who may or may not have seen it, depending on how much of it my backpack covered.

This is good motivation for me to wear granny panties and make the conversion in a few months to garments. I cannot even believe this. Is my butt really so big that it's bursting the seams of my jeans? How unbelievably sad.

Anyway, I'm at least laughing about it and not caring a whole lot because I don't think I'll be seeing any of those people who were behind me again, and even if I did, I wouldn't know it. They can forever remember me as the girl whose left butt cheek was hanging out of her jeans, and I'll just be impervious to the fact. I even told my coworkers, so they'll probably check as soon as I get up. But don't worry, I'll be holding my shirt down!

These are my favorite jeans, dang it.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Holy Busy Life, Batman!

Wow, it's been a while since I've written. And it's not as though I haven't been dying to for some time, I just have way too much to do. Fortunately, I have today and tomorrow to write my last paper--in Spanish, mind you. Then finals, and then I'm done. Oh wait, only for FIVE DAYS till I start spring semester. Blah.

Let's start with a random thought, shall we? There was a Hispanic woman today inside McDonald's, yes, McDonald's--Tanner and I wanted breakfast, OK? And she had long hair, probably to the middle of her back. This isn't what was odd. Rather, the fact that she had half of it up in a lazy bun thing, and the bottom half down and in two un-tied braids. It was strange. I figured I need to start keeping a small notepad with me because as a writer (and as a highly critical and often mean person) I notice a lot of things that most people might not notice.

I've decided to just note some things at Blockbuster that I think are funny or annoying. When I'm bending into the drop box to get the returned movies out, and someone comes with like eight movies to return and can only manage to put one in at a time, I laugh. I sit there and wait patiently while they stick one movie in at a time. Wow, people. The slot is big enough for at LEAST two to go in at a time.

On Saturday night I had a customer who, when I asked for his Blockbuster card, set his keys down on the counter in front of me. You got it, I am suddenly his slave. I have to look through his keys and keychain cards to find his Blockbuster card because he didn't want to do it. Holy rudeness!

Amber had a huge stack of movies she was trying to put away (as in like, a three foot high stack, under her chin) and this lovely gentleman decides he doesn't want some movies, and just sets them on top of the really heavy stack she was carrying. Seriously, dude? If I decided I didn't want these ketchup packets, could I put them in your pocket? That's where you work, right? McDonald's? What kind of random, rude crap is that?

Last, all of the new movies come out on Tuesdays, right? You all have learned a new fact--Tuesdays are forever new movie days. So on Monday the new release wall gets rearranged to make space for the new movies. Cindy usually doesn't put the cards out for the movies till around 11 or 11:30. But she did it earlier last night. So this guy walks up to the counter and goes, "Can you tell me if you have any Juno or AVP-R in?" "They both come out tomorrow," I responded politely. He retorted, "Well then why are the cards there, man? Why do you guys tease us? Huh? How come you do that sh*t?" "...Because if we didn't set it up on Monday, we'd be here all night doing it?" "Fair enough," he ended. Are you kidding me? A. I don't like your attitude. B. I don't make these decisions. C. Even in my foul-mouthed days I never would have spoken like that to a stranger or an employee of some place.

Customers really aren't my cup of tea sometimes.

On another note, these girls in the apartment below me, 206, have in the past left their ginormous black trash bags out in front of their door. The stairs go straight into their door, which means you have to step over these trash bags to get by. I used to be very frustrated by this, and I'd take the trash bag and lean it against their front door 1. to get it out of the way and 2. to make it fall into their apartment when they opened their door. Yes, I'm mean, but they are inconsiderate. Besides, that's nothing compared to Tanner trying to slit the bottom of the bag open or putting it over the railing onto the awning that no one besides him can reach. The dumpster is two minutes away, and putting your trash outside your door is WT. Whisky tango, I tell you!

I tell you this because I reached the third floor yesterday, where my apartment is, to see two trash bags sitting outside our door. It wasn't me who did it. I would not look like WT or be lazy enough to put trash bags outside the door instead of taking them out. The trash has been there for like a week in our kitchen. Last time there was a bajillion pounds of trash, I took it all out by myself, stopping three times along the way having to readjust my handle on all of it. I was not going to take it out this time. It doesn't bother me to have it there, so whatever. But no, there was the one trash bag, plus another that was not even half full.

Tanner came upstairs and realized he had left something in his car, so I went with him downstairs, and we just took the trash out since we were going down. I wrote a note on the white board that verbatim went like this, "Dudes, either take the trash out, or leave it inside. Don't put it outside, the apt. 206 girls do that. It's WT." Mind you I had been up since 5:23 for the gym, was at school all day, had an hour and a half, and had to leave for work from 5 PM to 11 PM. The individual who put these trash bags outside the door was home all day. Yeah, her car hadn't moved, and she was watching TV all day. In response to my white board note, she wrote, "Then the next time you decide to put rotting chicken or moldy cake in the trash, take it out the same day. It smelled like rotting bodies in here this morning."

haha. My understanding was that the trash was to put trash in, and you take it out when it's full. Is that not how this works? Would YOU like to buy the trash bags, sister? Cuz you sure don't contribute anything else to this apartment besides taking up space in drawers with your tupperware. How about rinsing out your crusty dishes? Or what about maybe getting a bill out on time? Or how about using your own stamp instead of putting TAPE over a stamp that was detached from another envelope only to get it sent back? Or how about doing your part of the cleaning checks? Wow. "Hi, my name is lazy, and by the way, your trash is offending my nose."

I wrote back, after erasing it and re-writing it less harshly probably around four times (not joking), "Dumpster = 2 min. away if it was really that bad. And it wasn't just one person's trash in there, either." I had some other choice things written but I chose not to, for I would rather not involve myself in contention or hostility. This really would not be such a big deal if she had just stopped watching TV for a few minutes to take the trash out. But she couldn't, because it was only my chicken carcass and old cake in the trash, no one else's empty rotting milk cartons or anything, remember?

I was getting my lunch ready this morning and was on the phone to Tanner, and she walked by me out the door and neither of us acknowledged each other. *sigh* hahaaa... I love it.

I'm really not even upset or mad, I just think it's kind of funny. She'd probably read this and get super hostile at me. Good thing it's really not that big of a deal and she's leaving in 11 days.

Anyway, things are good on lots of fronts. I got two 8-9 page papers done in 6-7 hours last week. My Spanish final will probably be challenging. Tanner and I have started back up at the gym after a week of slacking due to lack of sleep. It's been good. I feel much better on days that I exercise. Tomorrow I need to do my religion final (it's take-home) and go to the mall with Tanner to get my ring sized.

Oh yes, I haven't written a blog about those things yet because, well, I'm not engaged. But in case you want to see the beauty that will be my ring, go here.

Next Wednesday, Tanner and I are flying to California to get some things taken care of. He's got an important question to ask my dad.

You guys, I've had some great spiritual experiences this week. On Friday, I think it was, I called home to try to teach a missionary discussion for my mission prep class. Dad and Jason were both busy, so I called my baby brother, Jared. He is ten. He listened to the discussion on faith, repentance, baptism, confirmation, and enduring to the end. He answered all my questions and was paying great attention. We were on the phone for over thirty minutes with this stuff. He was darling, and he thanked me for teaching him.

On Sunday I had a chance to fast, and Tanner was fasting too (we hadn't coordinated this). I was very specific in what kind of confirmations I was looking for. I felt at peace next to Tanner all day. I was happy to be with him and excited to be married to him. I kept thinking about him as my husband and what that would be like. I really was answered and felt like Heavenly Father was so mindful of me and what I needed. I prayed for confidence and excitement, and I felt that all day yesterday as well. I would smile just thinking about Tanner. It really was good.

As far as we are concerned, things are going well and are also a constant work-in-progress. I'm realizing just what a challenge it will be to always be humble and patient and to seek Heavenly Father in prayer before becoming angry or starting confrontation. Sometimes I am quick to anger, and prayer helps so much. Communication is so important--calm explanation of feelings without attacking is so important, on both sides.

We've been talking a lot about how we want things to be as far as finances, family, and running a household go. I'm getting really excited to play house, actually. Tanner will do so well as a provider and a loving cute husband. :) I am getting very excited, which excitement came through prayer and reassurance.

I think it's time to start work on my paper. Three best things though:

1. The soreness in my arms. I'm going to be so buff ;)
2. A strong body capable of taking some trash out to the dumpster.
3. Prayer. I'm so glad to have a way to communicate to my Father in Heaven and feel the compassion of Jesus Christ when I don't think anyone else can understand.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Drama is Done

Finally! I hate when there are unresolved issues and bitterness and misunderstandings and hurt feelings. But hopefully things will be back to normal and peaceful again.

I usually don't think I have anything to write about, but it's been like a week and I'm sure I can dig deep to find something.

I have two drafts of papers due on Monday that I haven't started yet. There has been way too much going on, and quite frankly I've felt like the other stuff takes priority over school. My friendships and relationship are very important to me.

Tanner and I skipped the gym yesterday morning because of some drama and stuff on Tuesday night. It kept us up later than I would have liked, and I was just too emotionally exhausted to make myself get up earlier than I needed to. But we went today, and I had a fabulous time ripping my abs apart and making my legs even more enormous. Oh. Awesome.

You guys, I have to say I am so grateful for my job. I was just so overwhelmed right now with thankfulness for this job. I'm sitting here writing a blog, getting paid decent money for doing something very personal. After this I will be doing homework! My work is mostly seasonal, a lot of it taking place from the end of August until March. Between those months I just get odd jobs here and there to do.

I'm so tired from everything. I can't wait till I bust out all of my papers and have them done. The relief will be amazing.

This was a boring blog. I just don't want to say more than what I am allowed to right now, so... I'll keep you all posted!

Three best things!

1. My job. It's just a blessing.

2. Tanner. I'm so grateful I have someone who is so willing to grow with me, who is so focused on becoming better.

3. Blue skies. They're beautiful, and good weather makes me feel like I'm home.