Sad Day

I'm writing this blog in hopes that, after venting some sadness and following it up with my three best things, I will feel better.

I didn't go to the gym. I am tired, and I will be up late tonight. I was up late last night. I am experiencing my monthly conveniences, and I'm sorry, but riding a bike just didn't appeal to me in the situation. I got up and got ready and went to school for my last final at 8 AM. I rocked the shiz out of that mofo, I'll tell you what! It was SUCH a fair final. If you did the reading and understood our discussions in class and stuff, you really didn't have to study, and you'd do fine. So I did. There was a quotation where I wasn't sure which story it was from, and I also missed the first question. haha. But they were worth a small number of points. I think I did well on the short essay questions as well. Thank goodness I know my stuff. Plus English majors know how to BS anything.

I was pretty stoked at how easy and quick that final was. I took it up to the front to exchange it for my graded research paper. I wrote it on Stephen Crane's "The Open Boat," and was arguing that it was typical of naturalist literature. I was arguing basically with the idea that it was biographical because one article I read had argued that it was literary nonfiction--in other words, a biographical/truthful experience written in a more articulate, less journalistic way. I don't think this is true at all, so that's what I was arguing, and I'm pretty sure I made it very clear. It appears my professor did not like my argument. He didn't feel it was important. I got an 83 out of 100. For me, this is horrible. Seriously, I'm ready to cry about it. That's how disappointed I am. I spent a lot of time preparing for that paper and organizing it in the way that I wanted to. He wrote that my expertise with the material was good, but "So what if the story doesn't fit neatly into one of the categories?" and said do more work to justify my work with definition or drop it in favor of a more important analysis. Don't get me wrong, I see what he's saying, but why can Stephanie Eye argue about the story being "fact" with no justification, and I can't argue that it's "fiction" without justification? So the topic interested me... Sorry that it doesn't interest you--you didn't really say that was one of the criteria. Seventeen points off of a paper because you don't see why my argument is important is not fair. Does anyone agree? Anyway... I just don't get B-s on papers, and I felt a lot better about my work than that, so, I'm pretty disappointed. It completely bursted my bubble after I was so happy about that final. Plus, to be done with finals should feel awesome, but my excitement is completely suppressed by that paper score.

It's really cloudy and sad outside today, too, which doesn't make me very happy.

I just talked to my coworker about my paper, and he thinks that I'm right--that my professor is basically saying he doesn't like my argument. This kind of fans my fire, but I still don't want to talk to my professor. I get intimidated by that sort of thing. I almost just want people to read it and tell me what they think--if my professor is right or if he's being a little harsh or using personal taste to grade it. The opinions of other intelligent people who I respect would really make a difference, and if anyone else agreed with him and told me why, then I'd gladly accept the criticism. If you want to read my paper, let me know and I'll email it to you (Rachel, Tracy, Mom, that means you!)

OK, I'd better write out some things that I am grateful for so I can be happier about this.

1. My parents. My mom plans everything for me and is so cute and excited all the time. We're going to Medieval Times this week just because Tanner's never been there, and it's fun. She pays for me to fly out there, and would do it any time I need to come home for a while for no reason at all. I love to call my dad and talk to him about anything intellectually stimulating. I feel like I'm one of the few people he gets that sort of stimulation from in his life, so it is always fun even if I wish he could suspend some of his views to see the things that are really important.

2. Money. I sold some textbooks back. I'm a little mad because I got ripped off on one of my books, but it's my fault because I didn't check first. Anyway, I sold back my Spanish textbook, Papel Mojado, my Teaching Grammar book, and my teaching students with disabilities book. I would have sold back my short story book but the binding is sooo jacked, they wouldn't have bought it. I got $68, so that's pretty fun to just have some extra money I guess. I'll keep twenty and put the rest in the bank I think.

3. Ice cream. Cody and I got ice cream last night. Tanner came, but didn't get anything. If there's anything that can lift my spirits when I feel like poop in any way, it's ice cream.

4. Planes. I love that I don't have to drive home, and that it's sometimes even cheaper to fly home.

5. In-N-Out. I get to have it soon. Very soon. And my life will again be complete.

I feel more excited now! :)

Comments

Bri!!! said…
Janae,

I definitely challenge you to go talk to your professor. If it's a bias he has it's not fair and it should be brought to his attention. If not, he can more clearly explain his intention. "Question Authority" I have always liked that saying. Anyway, ice cream helps me to feel better too. I LOVE IT!!! It's pretty awesome, in my baby books it says that ice cream is a great way to get calcium for baby! Yeah, I think I use that excuse too much. Anyway, it's so funny how Californians love In N Out so much. Silly people. Dan is obsessed. I have probably eaten there 3 times in the four years I have lived here, although there are times I crave it.
Rachel said…
Mmmm...ice cream.
Yeah, talk to your professor, even if it's just wanting to get an explanation beyond he didn't like it.
loves!
Leah said…
Babe, I used to be you. And then I graduated and realized an 83% is actually REALLY GOOD... AND professors don't know everything. Don't worry too much about it.

You forgot one other thing that you should be happy about... FINALS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have fun at home.

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