Sunday, March 16, 2008

I Was Poisoned!

Well, we all went to Chili's on Friday night--Raytch, Cara, Tanner, Cody, Aric, and I. I wasn't incredibly impressed, but I wasn't complaining. I got chicken crispers with corn on the cob and fries. Wow I'm too weak to think I can even keep typing right now. Ugh. Anyway, we discussed all sorts of lovely things--our summer plans and Cody's charity event that he wants to do.

I was feeling OK for a couple hours after dinner when we discussed those things at the Phillips' house. By the way, I have such cool friends. They're so intelligent and wonderful. They all work hard and want to do good things. I love them, and they are such good examples to me.

We officialized our plans, and I am so excited!

After we were done talking about the first steps for Cody's big event, we wanted dessert. We went to Cold Stone, which, by the way, I'm going to stay away from for a very long time. I've been eating there way too much, and fortunately my weight doesn't fluctuate very much or else I'd probably weigh 243 pounds right now.

After Cold Stone I think my Chili's food kicked in... I started to not feel very good. I had really bad gas--it was RANK, OMG. Back at the Phillips' for Dan in Real Life (which I bought, by the way. An excellent purchase), I started to really feel like poop. My tummy started hurting, and I wanted to lay down. All was well that night anyway--until I woke up yesterday.

I got up, and I'm sure you all want to know, exploded the toilet. "Well, OK then," I thought, "there's why my stomach was hurting." I got in the shower and was almost done when I started to really feel sick. I got tingly all over, my eyes started to feel cloudy, I felt like I couldn't breathe, so I tried to hurry and finish my shower. I sat down on the toilet, and it happened again. Oh man, then my stomach started hurting enough for me to let out a little cry of pain before I had to get up quickly, turn around, and puke into the toilet. Yes, before I got a chance to flush.

Holy mother load. I was so upset. I NEVER throw up. I've thrown up three times in my whole life. I called Tanner and tried to wake him up, but it took a while for him to get back to me. He went to the store, got me some chicken noodle soup and milk, and came over. Tanner made me eat. I ate as much as I could, but it really didn't want to go down. I also tried to eat a piece of bread to absorb acids and whatnots.

We laid on the floor and watched movies all day, with me crying approximately every 30 minutes. We watched Braveheart, Harry Potter 3, and later we watched Gladiator. In the middle of Braveheart I had to throw up again. We had a bowl near me just in case. I didn't quite make it. Well, either that, or it splashed out onto my blanket and onto my shirt. Bread, water, and all of my chicken noodle soup came up. The fury of these vomits was past the exaggerations you see in movies, not joking. It was ridiculous. My cute Tanner held my hair out of my face. He cleaned up after me too. He was so darling. How gross! No guy wants to watch his girlfriend look disgusting and smell her vomit or clean up after her, let alone still love her after he witnesses such grotesqueness. But he does. :) I felt SOOO much better after I threw up though. It only lasted for maybe 45 minutes, but in any case, that was a long time of relief. I called my boss around 3:15 to let him know I didn't think I could come in. He was so great about it.

I had to get up to use the bathroom about every 5 minutes, sometimes less than five minutes. After several trips to the potty, I started to feel "the burning." You know what I'm talking about--the "I use cheap, chafing toilet paper" kind of burning.

Tanner made me drink water all day. I don't think I drink as much water in a week as I drank yesterday. I started to feel hungry, so Tanner went back to the store. He also took my movies back for me, thankfully. He got me some fresh wipes and Vaseline for my ridiculous chafage. He also got me some Imodium. Oh, heavenly Imodium. He got me a sandwich too, because that's what I felt like eating--bread is good, right? So anyway I ate about half my sandwich and for the next few hours was laying in agony trying to sleep while Tanner watched Gladiator. Luckily, the runs had stopped from the Imodium, but I still felt like I was dying.

Two and a half hours later, I could still feel that sandwich and tons of water stuck in my belly. It hadn't moved. I decided I needed to make myself throw up again. So I stuck my finger down my throat, and evidently that was enough to get things stirring. I quickly walked to the bathroom, sat down on my knees in front of the toilet, and unloaded yet another epic, cinematic vomit. Tanner got up and ran over to me to hold my hair back again. He laughed at how much vomit that was--astonished that my stomach was holding more than a toilet bowl's capacity. That was around 12:30 at night, mind you.

Well, I needed to get in bed. That's what I decided. It took me probably 20 minutes to brush my teeth, floss, take my makeup off, and wash my face because every time I tried to stand up my face felt tingly, and I thought I would pass out.

Anyway, I finally got in bed a little after 1 AM, and I slept quite well all night. Thanks, Imodium! Tanner got me some water and tucked me in, kissed me goodnight, and left.

Now I'm sitting here in my church clothes, unable to go to church. I was almost done getting ready, finished up doing my hair, and got dizzy and needed to sit down. I'm feeling really weak, and really starving. But I am afraid to eat. So there that is: my first experience with food poisoning. And it is yet to come to an end.

I'm so grateful Tanner spent his whole Saturday yesterday serving me and doing everything he could to make me feel better. He is so sweet.

Three best things...

1. Friends. They're smart and wonderful.
2. Solid poop. Yeah, I said it.
3. Health. I take simple things like rolling over for granted, until I can barely move cuz of food poisoning.


Janae said...

Awwww, your boyfriend is SO cute!!

Oh wait....

yeah, he's still cute..

Cody said...

is it bad that i laughed through that entire thing. the way you write i can visualize the whole thing. how awful. can i tell you how much i hate vomiting. poor jan. im glad you're feeling better though. i find it strangely ironic that the little word verification to post this comment is "ishmpuka" particularly that ish and puka are together.

Rachel said...

I'm glad you're feeling better now, at least. And that you have a cute boyfriend to take care of you :) Thanks for buying Dan in Real Life for our enjoyment.

Bri!!! said...

I love Dan in real life. That sucks you were so sick. I have never had food poisoning. Sounds awful