Sunday, January 24, 2010

My First Time

It was so special. So intense. It made my heart race.

How could it not? It was, after all, my first time...

Getting a speeding ticket.

That's right. Age 22 and recent recipient of my first speeding ticket.

Utahans drive like morons. Just so all of you know. I was a little frustrated tonight, having to go around every moron there was because no one is courteous; they do not move over. They probably don't even notice you behind them. Let's be honest.

They were going 63 in the fast lane. SIXTY THREE. I mean, come on, people. You'd get a little frustrated too, right?

So like I said, since everyone's stupid (and I'm impatient) and won't move over, I was being a little aggressive.

I had my cruise control set at 78, like I always do. I do mean always. 78 is fast, but it's not 80. I never, ever go above 78. I move over all the time for people going faster than me.

Anyway, it was set at 78.

I saw the flashing lights behind me and had a miniature anxiety attack. So I pulled over, got out my license and registration. He came over and asked how my night was (bad now, thanks for asking?). Then he asked if I was aware that I went through a construction zone at 75 mph. I said I was unaware. The flashing sign said "Mon-Fri." And that was the honest truth. He said that that was wrong, that it's 7 days a week, and even with no workers present, the speed limit is 55. Then why is the sign lying to everyone, I wonder?

Then he said he had a hard time catching up with me, that I'm weaving in and out of cars (um, yes, because they're all going 63 side by side), and that he clocked me at 85 mph. EIGHTY FIVE! Liar! Once he said that, I gave him a genuinely confused look and said, "Well then my speedometer must be broken."

Guys, seriously? I never go 85. I don't go 85 when the speed limit is 75. It's just not even a consideration. I do not go faster than 78.

I do not lie. I'm physically incapable of it. I tried once last year, and things didn't work out very well for me. I'm a terrible liar. The construction sign said Mon-Fri. My speedometer said 75.

I figured since I'm a young girl wearing pajamas with laundry in the back seat who's never had an offense like this before, he'd be nice and let me off. I think a few things counted against me--one being that I argued (really politely), two being my California license, and three being my red Mazda 3. I got the ticket.

He came back over with a ticket for me to sign. In his infinite mercy (/sarcasm) he said he'd write the ticket for 74 in a 65 "so my insurance costs wouldn't go up so much." M-hm. I'm sure you're concerned about my insurance costs. How about you just don't give me the ticket and stop pretending to be a nice guy? I was gracious and polite and thanked him but felt like a total idiot at his complete mercy, like he knew I should give him an outpouring of thanks because he was just so nice for not writing my real speed of "85" on the ticket.

So I'm a little frustrated at his completely false accusations but am glad he wrote me for under what I was doing.

I'm also proud of myself that I've had my license for almost 7 years, and this is my first ticket. Chyeah.

Thanks, Sheriff, for making my first time so special.

P.S. Sheriff, do you think you could patrol my apartment complex parking lot? I know you're really busy giving out speeding tickets to 22-year old teachers, but there's someone who's going around and opening car doors and stealing people's things, including my money and other people's iPods. So maybe your time could be better spent protecting good people from real menaces. Thanks.


April said...

Oh maaaan! Sorry Janae! Guess you need to ask your mom to get you a radar detector now for your birthday ha?!! It's a good investment, trust me, I know! LOL!!!

StacyB said...

Didn't you know that in Utah one should always drive slightly below the posted speed limit? That is because they don't know how to drive. Sheriff's are the very worst. Do you want a detector for your birthday? Cuz I should probably get that for you.

Stephanie said...