Janae & Matthew: The Beginning

Oh hi!

I don’t often get too personal on my blog these days. Life is scary, and being vulnerable is hard. Putting any sort of feelings out there knowing that everything could change in an instant (as they have so many times before) makes me feel the urge to protect myself and my people. And at the same time, it’s interesting (and mildly embarrassing) to go back and read posts from years ago.

But I feel like people want to know the story of me and Matthew. And even though it’s only the beginning of our story, I’ll share what’s happened so far that is not sacred.

So! Matthew and I grew up in the same stake in Glendora. I was familiar with his family, mostly his dad, Rick. His dad was my family’s home teacher for the better part of a decade after I left home. I had Rick’s number and called on him when disaster would strike at my house. He was an amazing support to my family, and especially to my dad.

I also grew up hearing stories upon stories about the Ingram family because my best friend (who’s more like a sister) grew up in their ward and spent a lot of time at their house. I knew they were loud. I knew there were a lot of them. And outside of Rick, that’s basically all I knew.

In April 2010, I became friends with a lady named Brittany. Brittany was best friends with my brother’s (then) girlfriend Emily. Brittany and I became easy friends and have been very close basically ever since then. We talk regularly and often even though she now lives on the east coast.

In June 2014, Brittany stayed at my apartment in Utah to work on her documentary for school. During her stay, her then boyfriend Matthew Ingram came down from Idaho to visit her. We hung out a couple of times as a group, eating at Eva’s Bakery downtown and going to the alpine slides in Park City. I enjoyed his company then (as my friend’s boyfriend of course), and appreciated his humor and the way he so easily built people up. At one point, Matthew had even encouraged Brittany’s friend to ask me out. I’m afraid I won’t let him live that one down. Brittany and Matthew broke up sometime that year.

June 2014: My then-boyfriend, Brittany's then-boyfriend/my now-boyfriend.

From 2014 to 2018, we were basically just Facebook friends, occasionally liking or commenting on each other's things. But I always appreciated his posts, both the funny and serious. 

In 2018, Matthew followed his parents up here to work for their company. When I learned he lived in Bountiful, I decided we should be friends. So in August, I invited him to a Bees game with the 4 for $20 deal. Brittney and her boyfriend Tyler came with us. Matthew was great, loud, funny, extroverted company. As we got to know each other outside of the context of him being my friend’s boyfriend, I found him charming. I really enjoyed his company, and felt like there could be something more there. I didn’t vocalize this to anyone, but I did tell Brittany that I had invited him to the Bees game.

She emphatically told me that she would love for us to date, and that I don’t need her permission, but that I completely had permission anyway. That planted the seed pretty firmly in the ground for me, if I’m being honest. The idea of being with Matthew was not going to go away.

So on August 27, after my first day of work downtown, Matthew came and got dinner with me at Poke Luau, which is now closed, sadly. We laughed together, went to Sodalicious and got treats, and again I had a really great time.

I had purchased cheap tickets to Hawaii in October, and he had posted something about going. I told him he should come with me (because let’s be honest, he makes everything more fun). Due to knee surgery and not knowing the exact date, and after him sort of falling off the planet here and there, he didn’t end up coming with me.

On September 1, I started dating someone else, as you may well remember. It lasted about five months. He was respectful and sweet and kind to me. And as anyone who dates me has to be, he was pretty patient as well. But that ended on January 22. I didn’t initiate it, and I was sad about it. Attachment grows after almost five months, you know? But at the same time, I knew it was the right thing, and that we weren’t right for each other.

So I cried and was sad, but guess how much time I wasted before messaging Matthew again?

That’s right, folks. One whole day.

Listen, don’t judge me. I told you I had a feeling about this one a LONG time ago.

I sent him a meme via messenger, and texted him either that day or the next day. Then I invited him to a free movie on February 6 to see Alita. That boy drove down to Sandy from Bountiful in a freaking snow storm that had me working from home. I don’t know why he did it, but I’m so glad he did. Even though I was sort of nervous for him to get there, I had a great time and felt totally at ease.

Let me rewind to just a couple of days before that. On February 1, I got dinner with my cousin Whitley. I had told her that I needed someone to know for the record, that I had a feeling about this one. I told her I was cautious and didn’t want to be eager or put the cart before the horse, but something deep in me knew that there was something there. He took the Color Code test for me, and I ecstatically told my cousin the results (he’s yellow blue; I had guessed blue yellow, which is what I’ve always wanted).

Earlier in the week, I had also invited him to a free movie (Isn’t it Romantic?) downtown on February 7, and made plans to get my free Settebello birthday pizza before. Sadly, I had a work meeting that went late. I left work at 7pm, and I think the meeting went until 8:30. Matthew was super patient (and I now know, probably hangry), and waited until 7pm to pull up outside of my work to take me to Settebello.

On the freezing sidewalk, he made sure I was in the inside, not next to the road. We had great, easy conversation like we had in August. And when he drove me back to work, we ended up sitting in his car until close to 11pm. I told him dating horror stories, and expressed woes about why guys are such idiots. And he had expressed similar grievances, saying that maybe he was too old fashioned because he liked to call still, and bring flowers. I asked him where he had been all my life.

He made a joke about someone pulling in front of us with a tail light out. I told him my tail light was out. He offered to fix it for me, and he did so just three days later.

But that’s not until after he came over on Friday night to watch a movie. Or talking to me on the phone for hours on the morning of my birthday.

Four days in

Sometimes, you just connect with someone. And it’s easy. Effortless. And you don’t have to be afraid, or hold back. You just text when you feel like it. And you bring flowers and See’s on her birthday, four days after seeing a movie together. Then you make plans for Valentine’s Day even though you’ve only been interested for 8 days. And you don’t want to blow it, so you ask for permission to kiss them on Valentine’s Day. And you eagerly ask to come over as soon as they get home. Because it’s safe. Your guard is down. You both know there’s something there, and you don’t have to pretend like you’re not interested, or worry about coming on too strong.

And so, we continued spending time together and going out, and on March 3 after attending a large Ingram family gathering, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. And a few weeks after that, we exchanged the L word (so super fast I know but #sorrynotsorry).

And in the last three months, we’ve learned a lot about each other—good and bad. We’re still trying to navigate one another as things come up. But when you have a screen shot collection in your phone of sweet text messages, and you got roses for no reason, and received a love letter for a three-month anniversary, and everyone who’s been around both of you comments about how they can feel that there’s something different about the two of you… You navigate the sh-- out of anything that comes up. Because this person is 100% worth it.

As to the comments of everyone, I do mean everyone. People who know him, who know me, or who know both of us. And our biggest supporter has actually been my close friend and his ex: Brittany. She is thrilled about us being together. But so are so many other people, and I’ve never experienced that kind of enthusiastic support and acceptance before when dating someone.

Perhaps the best thing about our relationship besides him making me laugh is that we can have open and honest and hard talks about anything and everything. If something comes up that has bothered either one of us, we talk about it like grownups. There’s no threat or insult—just vulnerability and safety.

I’m no fortune teller, friends. And I’ve had a lot of seemingly good relationships full of love go to utter crap. But I really do think this one is different. I felt that way in August. I felt that way in February. And I feel that way now.

I’m looking forward to feeling that way a long time from now.