December GBOMB

Good

Festivities. We did a LOT in December. I feel proud of that. We went to the zoo twice, one of the times was for Zoo Lights. We went to Christmas in Color. We went to Luminaria. We walked around and looked at lights in my dad's neighborhood. It just was fun to revel in the season. 

Job offer. Need I say more? I got a job offer three weeks to the day after losing my job unexpectedly. I worked really hard, applying to 45 jobs in total, but honestly it just was a really good match with really good timing. I'm excited to work for an awesome company and an awesome manager. 

Free time. Having time off between my job offer and my start date is just... exactly what I need. I'm loving not setting my alarm, not feeling rushed. I still feel busy like I have a lot of things I need to do (copy editing and Scholastic scoring, for one), but I'm loving not having anywhere to be. 

California. Christmas in California was just really nice. It is hard watching my son in another environment. He broke my dad's lamp, cabinet door, my dad's snail shell, and my brother's crystal. But all that aside, it was nice not to be in a place that I had to clean and manage every day. Letting AJ get loved on by my dad, brothers, and uncle was so nice. Also AJ is the BEST road tripper. He's so easy. 

Plasma. I don't love donating plasma, but I do love that this round as I've gone back has been quicker. And I got $100 for each of four visits. 

Consistency. I just am really proud of the way I lifted weights four days a week and hit 199 lifts in 2024. I closed my Apple watch rings every day of 2024. 

Bad

Movies. One of my favorite things about Christmas season is movies. I don't feel like I got to watch a lot of movies because some of them I didn't want to put on with AJ around (like Home Alone), and the ones I did put on I wasn't really fully attentive to. I'm sad the season has passed without me watching the movies I love. 

Toddlers. AJ is an incredible boy. He's sweet and loving and funny. But there are hard days. He gets into literally everything. Draws on my floors and walls. Ruins my chapsticks. Just generally is hard. I'm just holding space for this to be hard. I love him and love being his mom, and enjoy him immensely, and ALSO there are hard moments. 

Fertility. I found out I have low AMH. IUI or IVF are basically the options. I am frustrated because I want to know WHY my AMH dropped and how to make it better. I joined some fertility groups and ordered It Starts with the Egg. I want to do more to improve my egg quality both through my eating and through supplements. I just feel overwhelmed. 

Books. I'm not into the one I'm reading but don't want to quit. I didn't get enough reading done in December. Just bummed about it as I had hoped to squeeze that last paperback in. 

AJ's burn. Not the best part of December learning how to do wound care and taking AJ to the burn clinic. But it has healed well, thankfully. 

On My Brain

Fertility. I have to consider timing as I am not eligible for FMLA until next January. So that is now at play with the way we try to conceive. We will likely pause until April. Every month that passes is a bigger gap between my kids than I wanted. But I also would like the reassurance of having leave to be with my baby, assuming I don't get to be at home. Also related - how far do we want to go to bring another baby into the family? How much do we want to spend in money, time, energy? I don't know. 

The new year. Trying to decide if I want to set any goals this year and what I'd like to focus on. I'm leaning toward the word "rest" as my guiding principle. I also am leaning into the word "feel" because I feel like I don't let myself sit in my feelings. I go straight to problem solving mode, and am bad at sitting with feelings. 

Had a conversation with my brother in law regarding my concern over AJ at their house. Where was he? What was he doing? Is he getting into anything bad? Is he breaking something? My brother in law told me not to worry, and said I'll probably worry less with each kid, unless this is just the way I am. I like to think I'll always be concerned with my kids' behavior at other people's homes, but I guess it remains to be seen. Just pondering this, and what might be good and bad about my concern and monitoring. 

I am sure there's more on my brain, but I mostly want to get on with reviewing my 2024 resolutions as well as deciding what direction to go for 2025, so I'm ending this here. 

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