October GBOMB

Good

Potty training. We potty trained AJ at 20 months. I feel like it took him a solid few months to really have the hang of it. But we did not night train him; I was feeling lazy about it. The last couple weeks of September, he started waking up dry. He'd be so proud to show us. I love that this happened on its own right when I was getting ready to try night training. The last week of October we switched to underwear at night, and he's done awesome! 

Blood test. This goes with fertility, but I had some awesome news on Friday, October 24. Some background: I had my AMH (anti mullerian hormone - indicator for egg reserve) tested in 2020. It was 2.44--normal. I had it tested a year ago through Utah Fertility Center. They told me it was 0.77. I was emotional and confused. I had them re-test, and it came back at 0.83. Well, the surgeon I was trying to get in with had me do cycle day 3 blood work. On 10/24, my results came back. My AMH is at 2.24, which is incredible for my age! This is following an ultrasound where they said I had a lot of follicles, more than average for my age. I was (and am) so excited about this! But I also am incredibly angry at the Utah Fertility Center for misleading me. 

Borns. I bought my tickets on pre-sale in June, and we went on October 28 to see Borns at the Depot. It added a lot of chaos to my evening and week in general. But man it was SO GOOD! 

Festivities. I feel like we did SO much stuff for Halloween. We went to the pumpkin patch. AJ went to Cornbelly's lots of times. He went trick or treating on Midvale Main. He had a Halloween themed birthday party. He came to my work Halloween party. AJ's enthusiasm for decorations and Halloween music is just the best. It's been a fun month! 

Anniversary. I cannot believe it's been five years. Wild how different life is now. La Caille was beautiful. I wish the experience in the restaurant had matched the outside. 

Bad

Ear infections. Not one month after finishing antibiotics, AJ got ANOTHER ear infection and fever on 10/2. Thankfully we avoided an urgent care visit and got him in with the doctor. But man, having one sickness after the other is just not fun. After up and down fevers through Sunday 10/5 and with ibuprofen, AJ cleared it by himself--no antibiotics needed. He woke up from his nap on 10/18 AGAIN complaining about ear pain, and had a mild fever that day. We did garlic mullein and an onion poultice, plus ibuprofen. He was OK on Sunday and Monday. On the evening of 10/30, he again started crying from ear pain and was up all night with a fever. I think an ENT appointment is in order for this guy. 

Dark crosswalks. Coming back from the gym in the dark on October 13 at 6:30am, I almost hit some kids in a crosswalk. The crosswalk was poorly lit (not one of those with a button/flashing), and no streetlight overhead. I was only going 25 or less (in a 30 zone). I was looking at the road, and had glanced over at some kids standing on the corner to the right. I didn't see the kids wearing all black clothes in the middle of the street. Plus, my car's headlights are really bad. Thankfully the kids saw me. I was super shaken up as those kids and my day could've gone much differently. I drove through that crosswalk on my next gym day to check on the lighting (none installed), and then reached out to Midvale city about it. 

Halloweek. It felt SO busy. Monday was free, but Tuesday I had a concert, Wednesday I had to work late helping at our event, Thursday we went to the trunk or treat. Of course Thursday night into Friday morning was a nightmare with AJ's fever and earache. We didn't even have time to carve pumpkins. It just felt like an absolute whirlwind, and also kind of a bummer to be in a calorie cut with so many good foods around. 

On My Brain

Fertility. Having lots of ultrasounds and other things has not been fun. Being able to try Letrozole and HCG triggers and confirming I ovulated has been encouraging. Since pregnancy didn't happen in my HCG/September cycle, I decided to take a break from any meds and ultrasounds in my October cycle. I'm grateful to have some answers and next steps. I am someone who wants to exhaust the options and problem solve. I could have gone straight to IVF a year ago. But I wanted to figure out what was wrong with my cycles and why I couldn't get pregnant naturally when I am in good health, and I already conceived AJ. I'm so incredibly wiped out. With multiple 7:20am ultrasounds, lots of 7am blood work, making up hours at work that I miss, learning how to poke myself with HCG, taking hormones (Letrozole), and still not getting pregnant is just exhausting. Plus all the medical bills with a high deductible plan. I feel like I carry the full weight of our fertility journey, which makes sense, but is still hard. I need rest. 

Tracking. Starting around October 18-19 I began tracking a calorie cut going into my power lifting meet. I needed to drop four pounds, potentially more to plan for a weight spike on the morning of my meet. It was kind of nice in that it gave me a feeling of control going into the unknown of my meet, and all the fertility struggles. But it's funny; I actually feel like I am eating more than I was before. And hunger is so much more pronounced. I wake up hungrier. It takes up a lot of headspace. And it's been such a mind game with the scale. I know how it goes - whooshes and spikes. I'm not hating tracking as much as I thought I would, but definitely would rather not do it. It was especially hard during Halloween week with ESL and department parties at work, and so much junk around. I had to hone in on what I really wanted to use my calories on. 

Mental Health First Aid. I started the online portion of a mental health first aid course that I am doing at work with about 30 other people. I have a couple of people in my life really struggling with mental health, and I'm grateful to have the tools to support them. I just wish life were easier for everyone. 

Hunger. I hate politics. I hate politicians. I hate the government shut down. I hate that people going hungry is being used as some kind of piece on the chessboard. I donated to Utah Food Bank and am grateful I'm in a position to do that. I also bought a $6 frozen meal on my grocery trip to give away to someone local who needs it. 

Money. It's just always on my mind. Budget. Savings. Retirement. Home buying. The fact that Christmas shopping starts in November, plus family photos, Cornbelly's passes for next year, and other things that come up in November that save money later but mean spending quite a bit right now. Of course medical bills on a high deductible plan. I want a purchase of a few hundred dollars not to be a huge deal. It just all feels like a big deal, and like we can't get ahead. And we're in a much better position than so many others.