February GBOMB

Good

• Health. We are all doing well. I was sick (again) in February for about 10 days. It was mild. I am tired of getting sick, but so grateful it's nothing serious, and so grateful AJ and Matthew didn't get sick. I feel like these days of health are numbered for when AJ goes to preschool and we have an extra person someday to cycle illnesses through the family. Just trying to appreciate our health while we have it. 
• Audiobooks. I just wouldn't get reading done without audiobooks. 
• Afternoon tea at The Grand America with Rachel. It was so nice to just be a human for a little bit. I had to get back home to pump, but had a lovely 1.5 hours just hanging out, not being a mom. 
• Dexter is starting to be more interested in AJ. He tolerates him much better and has even started to try to play. 
• Time with friends. In February I spent time with Kirsten, Joyce, Rachel, and Natalie. I'm so grateful for women in my life. 
• Things to look forward to. Kate Solovieva from Precision Nutrition will be in Salt Lake this week and has planned a meet up with other PN coaches in the area on Friday morning. I've really been looking forward to it.
• Work from home days. I love to be able to squeeze my baby and take small breaks to play with him and make him giggle. I get a lot done and still get to kiss my cherub. I'm so grateful for WFH days. 
• Words of affirmation. I got so many nice notes for my birthday. I sent a lot of messages for Valentine's Day and got a few sweet replies. And my mom wrote me a really awesome card and got me a gift just because. It meant a lot. 
• An involved partner. Matthew has been home during the week with the baby more days than I have. I love that he can do all the things--bottles, meals, baths, diapers--and doesn't have to ask about any of it. He is just as much AJ's caretaker as I am. 
• My mom close by. We recently started asking my mom to come on Tuesdays and Thursdays so Matthew can go to the office. She has work but is so happy to spend time with her boy, and I'm just so grateful we don't have to spend money on daycare where he wouldn't nap at all. I have some close friends without any family close by, and I'm just so grateful my mom is close.

Bad

• I never feel rested. Why though? AJ sleeps really well most nights. I've been going to bed before 10:30. Even if he sleeps until 6:00, I still feel so so sleepy. Will I ever feel rested again?
• 5am wakeups. Until this past week, AJ was waking up between 5:00-5:45 consistently. It has been driving me nuts. I'm grateful he sleeps all night most nights, but what the heck, kid? Let's get to 6:00. 
• Illness. I've been sick more since AJ was born than I have in the last decade. It's so frustrating. I'm grateful it's been mild, but just so sick of getting sick. 
• The Groundhog Day of life. Every morning I get up at 6, get AJ, change his diaper, nurse him, walk or lift weights, shower, get ready for work, make his breakfast, pump while he eats and I drink a protein shake, get dressed, pack up my stuff, and leave. Every day I pump at 10:30 and 2:00 for 25 minutes to get drops. Every evening I get home, pump at 5:30, help clean up his dinner, warm a bottle, brush AJ's teeth, put him to bed, defrost milk, make bottles, pump at 9:00, and wash pump parts. I try so hard to focus on these precious little moments sprinkled in, especially nursing, and the one hour I get with my baby before bed on work days. But also, novelty is an important part of life, and that's just really hard to create right now. 
• Road rage. In this case, not my own, but someone else's. On the 26th, some guy was driving behind me on 700 east, riding my tail like white on rice. I had my cruise set to 45 (in a 40 zone). I didn't brake check him. I didn't cut him off or turn out in front of him. But he was very bothered I wouldn't speed up. He finally decided to go around me (the left lane was totally empty, by the way). Then he swerved in front of me and slammed on his brakes. Four days later, I'm still thinking about it. Like, he wanted to teach me a lesson? For what, exactly? What did I do? I have no idea. I wish I had gotten his plates so I could have reported him. 

On My Brain

• How to wean from breastfeeding. I have low supply, and when it's time to pump (or nurse at 6am), I don't feel full or uncomfortable. I reached out to my IBCLC to ask if I'd have to slowly take my pumps down or if I could do it cold turkey without clogged ducts or issues. She said she thought I could do it cold turkey and just pump a little off the top if I do get uncomfortable. I think I will probably go about it a little more strategically, but somewhat quickly. April 18 he will be a year old, and April 19 we leave for CA. So I think I can do 4 pumps that day instead of 5, and drop pumps pretty quickly a few days at a time. 
• How to wean AJ onto solids. I have learned from pediatric dietitians/nutritionists that the goal isn't to get babies from breastmilk to cow's milk. The goal is to get from breastmilk to solids. We do three meals a day, and I am starting to add in snacks and decrease the volume of his bottles. It's just a lot to figure out. The kid isn't starving, that's for sure. 
• How to deal with daylight savings time in 11 days. I love the longer days, but I am so tired already. If AJ goes to sleep at 8 instead of 7, he might sleep until 7 instead of 6. This is awesome, but throws a wrench into the schedule with just a month and six days left of breastfeeding. I nurse him at 6, and pump at 7:30. 
• Hell. I went to Unitarian Universalist church with a friend, and they taught their beliefs about hell (basically there is no such thing). I've been thinking a ton about this and why it just doesn't sit well in my brain. 
• Reality vs. negativity. I've had this ongoing debate in my head for most of my adult life. I try not to expect the worst, but also to try hard to have a full understanding of an upcoming challenge so I can be prepared. All disappointment comes from unmet expectations. So I expect that certain things will be hard, and I can make a concerted effort to find the joy and gladness in the challenge. I feel like this is serving me well so far in motherhood. 
• We need more dates. With fewer pumps and a willing grandparent close by, we just need to plan dates. More novelty in general, please.