Ugh

I keep thinking we could be happy together and work things out... That after this we'd really be able to be happy and just enjoy our time together. I keep seeing him getting back from Powell and seeing myself rejoin as part of the family for dinner on Sunday.

And then I remember all the times where I wasn't mad at him at all, and he thought something was wrong. I remember doing the dishes a couple Sundays ago, and him walking in and apologizing for not helping sooner because he was helping his dad. He was afraid I was mad at him. And I wasn't. But I was mad so often that he was in constant fear of upsetting me.

And that makes me feel like the worst girl in the world.

Comments

April said…
Hey Janae,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through...I had no idea. The only advice I really have for you is to just follow through with whatever Heavenly Father tells you to do, one way or the other, and not to second-guess his decisions. Just trust in Him and everything will work out as it's supposed to. You obviously need His comfort more than anything right now, so keep praying and relying on Him. He's the only One who can really give you the kind of strength and comfort you need. I'll say prayers for you too and you're welcome to come and hang out anytime. Love you Janae!
September 4, 2008 at 10:53 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Disaster Praxis and Spilled Milk

Image
I never wake up with the expectation that it will be a bad day. I tend to wake up with very few expectations, in fact. I just intend to let things play out however they may and roll with the punches. I'm sure more conscious positive thinking would do me some good, but I am by no means thinking negatively. I got up this morning before my alarm intending to get dressed, eat, and head over to the University of Utah for my reading Praxis . This is a 2-hour long test consisting of 90 multiple choice questions and 3 written responses. Not the way anyone likes to spend her Saturday morning, but it has to be done, ya know?  I've been studying for the past week. I took the practice test last night and didn't do so well on it, but I tried to be confident and hope for the best.  So I ate my granola, yogurt, and mango for breakfast and drove over to the U, prepared with my ticket and #2 pencils. Since I just took another Praxis not too long ago at the same place, I felt OK ...
Read more

March GBOMB

Image
Good Zoo pass. We have been to the zoo twice so far this year, and bought our pass on our first visit. AJ has asked to go to the zoo multiple times, but the weather is still spotty. I'm excited for more visits to the zoo. I love how small Hogle zoo is so we can knock it out in a couple of hours. And the pass is nice so we can see whatever we want, and leave and not feel stressed about it. Plus he runs around everywhere. Definitely a worthy investment for us.  This makes me laugh every time Weight lifting. I finished March off strong with the Fitbliss at-home workouts. It's been really fun to get to do new workouts and mix things up. It helps me to challenge myself and feel accomplished that I did a hard thing.  Pelvic floor physical therapy. Honestly, it never is comfortable having medical professionals poke around the private parts. But I've been trying to do some breathing and other things at home that seem to have made a difference for my overall tension and dysfunction....
Read more

June in Review

Image
June 1 I woke up around 6:30 and took AJ on a walk. We did breakfast and went grocery shopping. He was really fussy after that because he was tired. Matthew tried to put him down for a nap, but I ended up having to hold him until he fell asleep. It was a busy day of trying to pack up the house to get ready for the contractors on Monday. I did laundry and also cleaned out the bottom of the grill. We went to Joy Luck Chinese restaurant for dinner as a family and then the three of us went to the playground. We gave AJ a bath and did bedtime. Matthew went to the kitchen. I took a bath and wrote my GBOMB.  June 2 AJ and I went on a walk. I moved items from the pantry into my bedroom to get ready for the floors being done. I researched and did some measuring to get some shelves for our entryway closet. I took apart our table. AJ and I ran some errands including going to three furniture stores. AJ took a fall down our cement stairs which was really sad. AJ having the time of his life at L...
Read more