Janae Says...

“Are you kama’aina?” Are you local? I smile and shake my head at the check stand lady asking. “Oh, well you look it.” I smile even bigger inside at the wonderful compliment she just gave. “You could just say you are. No one would question it.” Just keep it coming, girl. I’m eating this up— A California girl With a haole mom and a hapa haole dad and a hapa Hawaiian grandfather and a really good tan. 

I say in earnest: things just look so much better written in free verse. (or a haiku) I have read five books in seven days. Three of them have been by Sonya Sones . I think she's my new hero, if she wasn't already before.

While I was home in California, in order to get a free fitness ball, I signed up for FitStudio.com . I spent a grand total of two minutes browsing the resources on their website. They had some fitness programs. Naturally I wanted to see how impossible the BCx Boot Camp program would be. I clicked on it and found myself totally flabbergasted by what it requires of the victim athlete. What the?! I showed my brother Jared the demanding intensity of the workouts. He didn't really seem to get it. He's not an especially physically active boy. Since that day several weeks ago, the program had been kind of at the back of my mind. I worked out three or four days the week I got home from California. I worked out five days last week. I was doing my same old stuff and was realizing that I needed to up the ante considerably. The stuff I was doing was just not hard enough. Then just as a spur of the moment decision, I decided I'd try to step it up on Monday. I printed the ...

I watched Good Will Hunting last night for the first time again in a long time... And due to some personal things in my life, I've been thinking a lot about vulnerability. I love this part from Robin Williams' character... "So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, '...

So I'm not sure what the deal is with me always falling for guys who don't want me back. The only conclusion I've been able to reach in the past year is that I just don't deserve the kind of guy I want, and I especially don't deserve for that kind of guy to love me. And every time I think of all that I have to do to become deserving, I just get too discouraged and don't even want to try. I'm tired of never "getting there." And I'm tired of not having the energy or desire to do so. This has been the longest period of time where I have seriously considered just quitting. (For any of you worrisome folks, I am not referring to suicide.)

Sometimes people ask how my weekend was, and usually it's just not that cool. This weekend was pretty darn good. Not because of anything really special, but I just have had a good, productive weekend. After work on Friday, I went to the gym. I showered and got ready for a date. We went to Last Samurai Japanese restaurant and did the hibachi grill experience. It was fun. Then we saw We Bought a Zoo . Wow. I loved this movie so much! I needed a pick-me-up, feel good movie, and the fact that it was directed by Cameron Crowe qualified it even more. SO good. Saturday morning, I slept in late (till 11, if you must know). I ate some waffles, graded some late work, entered some worksheets, and graded and entered extra credit work. Then I went to the gym where I read the last of my assigned book for my Tuesday night class, Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World. I did half an hour on the elliptical, fifteen minutes on the stair master, and fifteen minutes on the bike. I wanted to run but ...

I'm not a big fan of new year's resolutions. I usually like to create goals as I see fit. However, it has come to my attention that I have been running in place for a really long time now. I'm not very happy with myself in general and thought I'd record some reasonable goals for my own sake. 1. Get to the gym (or exercise) 3 or more times per week. That's about 156 check-ins for the year (compared to last year's 112). I am already behind! 2. Get to bed by 10 PM or earlier. 3. Read scriptures every day before work. 4. Read a book a month for pleasure. 5. Learn a song on the piano (keyboard, since that's all I have). 6. Limit eating out to twice per month. (Taco Bell is a weekly thing before my Tuesday night class at the rather inconvenient time of 4:30-7:30, so this doesn't count.) 7. Pay off my credit card. I think I'm stopping there. I need to have things that are reachable and that will benefit me pretty immediately. I'm off to ...

In online dating, I get messages from very, very homely guys. We're talking Quasimodo status, here, people.  Or sometimes it's old men.  Sometimes it's fat men. Sometimes it's all of the above.  Guess what I do! I don't respond.  This might seem super shallow or snobby or bratty or conceited or whatever other negative names you can come up with. But let me explain...  If you've seen my track record, you know I haven't dated a slew of really attractive men. Most of them have been average at best. So don't jump the gun on calling me names. The thing is, most of my relationships have started as friendships and then developed into something more. Or if it didn't start with that limitation, then I could initially see myself looking past the fact that they didn't look like Jason Momoa.  I know, right?  Anyway, I can accept average, or even slightly below average, if I get to know somebody really well. How do ...

In 2011 I have... -Dated casually--a lot! -Been called fat, ugly, and smelly all in one message -Been treated like crap from several guys -Fallen in love -Re-learned that love is not enough -Re-learned that you will always get hurt -Exercised 3-6 days per week all year--skipping only two weeks during intense illness -Reached $1,000 in a savings account -Reached over $1,400 in my 401k -Paid off a credit card -Paid off debt (couch, table/chairs, tv from RC Willey) -Cooked at home a lot -Gotten a Twitter -Learned to say less than what I wanted to say -Ended a school year with pretty awful students (9th graders) -Started a school year with pretty amazing students (7th graders) -Become a better teacher -Tried new things in my classroom -Seen 33% of my students get an A grade in my class -Seen Guster in concert -Seen Death Cab for Cutie in concert -Seen Bright Eyes in concert -Touched Conor Oberst -Gotten a washer and dryer at my apartment -Learned how to sew and ma...