Be a white dude
Be a white dude in a goofy outfit
Be a white dude who randomly yells enthusiastically in the middle of class
We know you’re excited. We also know you’re kind of a creeper. Maybe just try to minimize the obviousness of the latter, hm?
Come in late
Come in late and stand front and center of the room
Come in late, be taller than me, and stand in front of me
You don’t get privileges like a perfect line of vision if you are late. There is a reason that spot is open, and it’s so the rest of us can see. Get your tardy ass to the back of the room.
Don’t make any effort
Half-ass your moves to make us think this is easy for you
Keep your arms at your sides
Seriously? There are other places you can be. Go on the treadmill if class is this underwhelming for you. You’ll be less distracting there.
Walk out of class because you can’t keep up
No one is watching you. No one cares how bad your moves look. Just have fun and work up a sweat, man. That’s all it’s about. You look dumber when you leave.
Start dancing before class has begun
Start dancing before class has begun and there is no music to dance to
Do the above looking totally awkward
We know you’re excited. Just contain it for five more minutes if you can manage. Practicing before class is fine if you’re the teacher. Otherwise, just wait.
Take my spot when I walk to the back of the room to wipe off my face and get a drink
Notice how half of the class is doing the same thing? This isn’t, “Get to the place where you wanted to be really fast while they're gone” time. Just move your idiot self back to where you were before. That’s right. Move it.
Take huge steps anytime we go side to side or front to back
Make any huge movement
Do either of the above two when the class is jam packed so that you run into me.
Duh, people. Notice how we all have to take small steps and minimize our movements so as to not encroach on each other’s space? No? Oh. I guess it’s just me whose space is being encroached upon.
Go to the front of the room to “lead”
Be bad at it
Make everyone, especially me, wonder why you are at the front of the room. You’re not helping.
Really though, if you're going to be dumb in Zumba class, you'd better at least move your shopping cart out of the middle of the aisle at the grocery store. Else I might kill someone.