Now I Know Why People Work Out at Home

I entered the busy,

dimly lit

sweat center

just before rush hour

when everyone

compensates

for their sedentary jobs

by becoming a

hamster.

I warmed up on

my usual machine

without anyone

next to me.

Thank goodness.

But then I went to find

a treadmill.

I opted for the front row and

left an empty space

between that lady and

me.

As it turns out, said lady

was at the gym

but really just

didn’t want to work.

Because I could hear the

bottoms of her sneakers

scraping the treadmill tape.

It sounded like squeaking mice.

Or baby birds.

But not cute ones.

Or like a needs-oil

Hamster wheel

That doesn’t annoy the hamster

but annoys me

to death.

And it wasn’t just every few steps.

like she was getting tired or

had a bad knee or

had been running for a while.

It was

every

single

step.

I tried to just

focus on my music.

I tried not to

give her an evil glare.

I tried to just

run.

But those squeaking mice or those

baby birds or that

old hamster wheel

were all taking over my right ear

and my whole brain.

And I wanted to turn to her and

scream.

And I wanted to

throw my hands up

in that questioning way

and ask her why she can’t just

bend her knees or

pick up her feet or

wear lighter shoes or

slow down her pace

if it was too hard to keep up with?

When I got past that

annoyance

of every footstep,

this Asian woman approaches

the machines near me.

There are six empty ones

To my left.

Six.

I saw her put her bag down

Two machines away.

Which would have been fine.

Except today was

NOT

“smart day” at the gym.

And homegirl steps onto the one

right

next

to

me.

And I glance in her direction

with total confusion

(and maybe some exasperation).

And then her two daughters

get onto the machines to her left.

That makes

four of us

in a row.

Too bad it’s not a game of Bingo.

Because one more, and I could have

won.

But then,

because it’s a dumb day at the gym,

my left shoelace came untied.

So now there are

crying mice and

three Asian ladies and

an untied shoe

ruining my therapy session.

I stop. I tie.

I double tie.

I start again.

And two minutes later,

A stench rises

Up to my nostrils

Because on top of the

mice-personal space violation-shoe lace

debacle,

I needed to smell somebody’s

late and malodourous lunch.

But not to worry because

I have reached two miles

and I am giving up

on this entire

gym thing

today.

Ugh.