Unwanted Photographs
What is it with dudes wanting to send pictures of their wieners to girls?
What. Is. It?
I do not understand. I do not know of a single woman who admits to getting all hot and bothered when she is involuntarily subjected to this nonsense.
I’ve had the brother of a guy I dated send me a wiener picture. He was engaged at the time.
I’ve had a former student send me one. (scarred for life; my eyes cannot unsee this)
I just do not understand.
Last year I went out a few times (really we hung out, as I paid for myself because I wasn’t sure of my interest level) with this dude who just seemed and acted really young and innocent in a lot of ways.
He didn’t get my sense of humor, and really just didn’t give me the vibe that he could keep up with any of what I was saying, to be honest. Mostly he lacked a lot of confidence and seemed to be super insecure with me.
But at some point I made a smart remark in passing like, “As long as you never send me a dick picture, it’ll all be OK.”
He laughed, so I figured it was an, “obviously I wouldn’t do that,” kind of laugh. I mean, my comment was just meant to be funny, because it goes without saying that I do not want a picture of your wiener. Neither does anyone else.
There were several strange requests via text for me to wear a certain pair of jeggings on our next outing, and to send him a picture of my rear end. So I knew he wasn’t as innocent as he was making himself out to be. I told him anything on my Instagram was about as good as it was going to get.
At one point things just got wildly strange. He must have thought I was incredibly naïve. This dude tried to pull a big one over on me. Nope. Not this girl.
Honestly, if I had it to do over again, I probably would have been much more rude and harsh in my response. But in not wanting to hurt his feelings in case he was being serious (he wasn’t), I responded calmly and seriously.
Are you ready for this madness?
Out of the blue on a Sunday, after interest had subsided substantially, dude says he has a very serious question for me. He’s researched it online and still hasn’t been able to figure out the answer. He even has done an image search. And he sincerely couldn’t figure out if he was circumcised or not. And could he please send me a picture so I could tell him if he was or not.
Are. You. Serious?
No. You’re not serious. This is ridiculous. Dude is in the army reserves. He’s grown up in male locker rooms. Sorry, but you’d know it if you weren’t circumcised. There’s no way you’d make it to almost 30 and not know. No way.
After being totally taken aback, I first called out the obvious—that it’s basically impossible that he wouldn’t know this already, and so I don’t feel like I should gratify his question with a response. But in case he was being serious, I would attempt an answer. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I actually took the time to explain these things—that other boys would have made him aware LONG AGO if he weren’t circumcised. And that he would have had to take extra steps in his hygiene if he weren’t. And it’s pretty standard at most births. And why don’t you just ask your mother? (because we don’t have a good relationship, was his answer to that)
And NO YOU CANNOT SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOUR WIENER. I believe I explicitly mentioned that a long time ago. If this is a ploy to interest me, you’ve got the wrong girl.
Somehow I even got into the Biblical discussion of circumcision, though I don’t remember how it got there. He acted ignorant of all the religious implications as well.
But in the very SLIM case that this guy was serious, I actually took the time to discuss it. I successfully dodged the picture. I guess it says something that he respected my response enough not to send me a picture anyway, right?
Needless to say, we didn’t talk after that. Though he did try to text me a month or two ago, apologizing for how long it had been since we had talked. Bro, no apology needed. I didn’t miss you.
Or your wiener.
Only me, you guys. Only. Me.
What. Is. It?
I do not understand. I do not know of a single woman who admits to getting all hot and bothered when she is involuntarily subjected to this nonsense.
I’ve had the brother of a guy I dated send me a wiener picture. He was engaged at the time.
I’ve had a former student send me one. (scarred for life; my eyes cannot unsee this)
I just do not understand.
Last year I went out a few times (really we hung out, as I paid for myself because I wasn’t sure of my interest level) with this dude who just seemed and acted really young and innocent in a lot of ways.
He didn’t get my sense of humor, and really just didn’t give me the vibe that he could keep up with any of what I was saying, to be honest. Mostly he lacked a lot of confidence and seemed to be super insecure with me.
But at some point I made a smart remark in passing like, “As long as you never send me a dick picture, it’ll all be OK.”
He laughed, so I figured it was an, “obviously I wouldn’t do that,” kind of laugh. I mean, my comment was just meant to be funny, because it goes without saying that I do not want a picture of your wiener. Neither does anyone else.
There were several strange requests via text for me to wear a certain pair of jeggings on our next outing, and to send him a picture of my rear end. So I knew he wasn’t as innocent as he was making himself out to be. I told him anything on my Instagram was about as good as it was going to get.
At one point things just got wildly strange. He must have thought I was incredibly naïve. This dude tried to pull a big one over on me. Nope. Not this girl.
Honestly, if I had it to do over again, I probably would have been much more rude and harsh in my response. But in not wanting to hurt his feelings in case he was being serious (he wasn’t), I responded calmly and seriously.
Are you ready for this madness?
Out of the blue on a Sunday, after interest had subsided substantially, dude says he has a very serious question for me. He’s researched it online and still hasn’t been able to figure out the answer. He even has done an image search. And he sincerely couldn’t figure out if he was circumcised or not. And could he please send me a picture so I could tell him if he was or not.
Are. You. Serious?
No. You’re not serious. This is ridiculous. Dude is in the army reserves. He’s grown up in male locker rooms. Sorry, but you’d know it if you weren’t circumcised. There’s no way you’d make it to almost 30 and not know. No way.
After being totally taken aback, I first called out the obvious—that it’s basically impossible that he wouldn’t know this already, and so I don’t feel like I should gratify his question with a response. But in case he was being serious, I would attempt an answer. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I actually took the time to explain these things—that other boys would have made him aware LONG AGO if he weren’t circumcised. And that he would have had to take extra steps in his hygiene if he weren’t. And it’s pretty standard at most births. And why don’t you just ask your mother? (because we don’t have a good relationship, was his answer to that)
And NO YOU CANNOT SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOUR WIENER. I believe I explicitly mentioned that a long time ago. If this is a ploy to interest me, you’ve got the wrong girl.
Somehow I even got into the Biblical discussion of circumcision, though I don’t remember how it got there. He acted ignorant of all the religious implications as well.
But in the very SLIM case that this guy was serious, I actually took the time to discuss it. I successfully dodged the picture. I guess it says something that he respected my response enough not to send me a picture anyway, right?
Needless to say, we didn’t talk after that. Though he did try to text me a month or two ago, apologizing for how long it had been since we had talked. Bro, no apology needed. I didn’t miss you.
Or your wiener.
Only me, you guys. Only. Me.
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