Reflecting on 2020

It’s that time where I review the year, which I think we can all agree has been a shit show. 

Here were my goals from 2020, which I made before knowing the extent of the diarrhea splatter that would be 2020. 

Physical

-Possibly run another half, if my knee, hip, and feet can take it.
-Do stretch yoga 1-2x per week. I'm bad at this and know my body needs it.

Mental

-Read (actual text/digital text) 12 books, and listen to 2 audiobooks per month (36 total).
-Keeping last year's goal to certify as a group fitness instructor, preferably Les Mills.
-Do 1-2 minutes every day of breathing to relax.

Emotional

-Recite daily affirmations.
-Do some Gottman worksheets with Matthew to strengthen our relationship.

Spiritual

-Try to connect daily to my Creator.
-Read Jesus Calling on weekdays. Weekends are a bonus.

Let’s review, shall we? Maybe we can do it without laughing. 

Physical 

Running another half has not been even remotely desirable to me. With the weight I have gained, running has become extremely difficult. I ran my first half marathon at this weight, but running the next several races after that weighing much less has made running feel a lot less enjoyable at a heavier weight. 

I have not done stretch yoga. I think I did well on Sundays at the start of the year, but the last few months, nope!

Mental

I have read 38 books this year. Only 6 of those were fiction. And only 6 have been actual reading with my eyeballs. The rest have been audiobooks. But I’m proud to have gotten that much done because reading felt less enjoyable this year as well. 

2020 was not the year to do group anything. I did apply to become an Orange Theory coach, but the training needed before the job would’ve required me to take a full week off work. Maybe someday. 

I’ve done breathing and meditation most of the days of 2020. I lost my streak on my wedding day. I was at 279 days straight, no misses. I’m on another 30 day streak, but was genuinely sad about ending my streak. I think taking a minute in the morning to breathe has been really good for me. Missed 12 days in November, 2 days in October, and got all the rest of the days in 2020. That means 351 days out of 365. I’ll take it! 

Emotional

Recite daily affirmations. I did this for a good chunk of the year, maybe more than half of it. But generally it has fallen off my priority list. I can’t say I felt any great difference from it. 

We have done several Gottman worksheets. I feel like some of my answers to the questions I’m still uncomfortable discussing as yet, especially now that we are married. So I’m still learning. 

Spiritual

Trying to connect to my creator takes more time than I think I’ve been willing to give. I’ve still felt very disconnected, even while making it a daily effort. It’s become more of a box check than a genuine effort. 

I have missed very few days of my Jesus Calling devotionals. In fact, I probably have only missed a handful all year. So I feel good about that. 

Thankfully, I can review my goals for the year and not beat myself up about any of it. It’s just helpful to reflect on where I may have come up short, and decide if it’s something I want to continue working on or not. 

Other cool things from this year: 

• I’ve been in therapy for several months, so that’s been really good for me. 
• I filled my donut journal and started a new one. I mostly just bullet point the events of my day and don’t discuss feelings there. 
• I left a job and came back to my old one. 
• I did two boudoir photo shoots.
• I had my hair and makeup professionally done TWICE!
• I got my home gym back!
• We got engaged in August.
• We got married in October. 
• We moved in together. 
• I got a lot done on my 20 for 20:
• ----I did an escape room.
• ----I learned a Christmas song on ukulele. 
• ----We did a paint night!
• ----We went on a few hikes. 
• I went to Park City more than once.
• I started a company book club!
• I recently tried to propagate a pothos plant. 
• We saw the Utah Symphony do Singin’ in the Rain.
• We went to St. George. 
• We went home to CA a couple times.
• We went to Yellowstone. 
• I went to NY to see my grandpa.
• We started and finished Schitt’s Creek (and other shows). 
• Home church became a regular thing. 
• We tried lots of new restaurants. 
• We went fishing. 
• We had our first Christmas married. 
• We went to a shooting range where I shot my first gun.
• We went to Cornbelly’s.

And you know what?

I’m well aware of things I need to do and learn and become. So I don’t want to make resolutions or goals this year. Because I’m trying. I’m always trying. 

And I am enough. 

The last couple of years, I’ve chosen a one-word theme. I feel like it didn’t stay at the forefront in my mind throughout the days, weeks, and months. But maybe this year, my word is “invest.” 

I can invest in myself and in learning.
I can invest in my relationships and connections.
I can invest financially.
I can invest in my health.
I can invest my time into anything I see as worthwhile. 

I like the intentionality of the word. Time isn’t just passing. Time is being invested. What kind of return will I get on my investment? I guess we’ll see.