Monday, April 15, 2013

The News

I've been criticized many times for my unwillingness to watch the news.

I think people automatically want to assume that it's because I am ignorant or something.

Well here's a news flash for you (see what I did there?): I am much too sensitive to deal with the news in a healthy, appropriate manner.

You can't deny that the news is depressing.

The Boston Marathon bomb explosion today would have hit me so hard, but I didn't read any stories about it or seek out any details because I had to function. I had to numb myself to the news.

I think being in the middle of my training for a half marathon just makes it all the more real to me. It hits close to home. When I imagine the horror of it, I start to have a meltdown.

That's why I don't watch the news.

I had to go to a suicide prevention training today, which is required for all teachers who are moving up in their licensure. It brought back a flood of memories from when a boy named Josh committed suicide when we were in 9th grade. I remember how it affected all the people around me, and what a horrible tragedy it was. I remember kids getting called out of class in tears for counseling.

Imagining dealing with this is like a teacher's nightmare. I had a student who tried to do the same thing last year. I would have been so distraught if he had been successful. I can't even imagine. It breaks my heart just thinking about it.

Then I open my Instagram and see that a girl from a middle school in Provo, where I used to live, went missing on her way there.

Add to all this the major guilt I've felt all day from being really inconsiderate to my roommate last night.

And to the PMS that has struck hard today (obviously).

Today has been a little too much for me. My evening run was beautiful and magical and cold and amazing and fun. But my heart is heavy.

So tomorrow I will wear the only race shirt I have at the moment, which doesn't fit very well...

...because all those people who are healthy and amazing and who demonstrate the endurance and strength of the human spirit and body by running a marathon,
... and the people who were amazing enough to support them at the end of the race like I have imagined my family doing,
...and the people who have lost their lives and their mobility--all these people are worth the discomfort of an ill-fitting shirt.

For you, my runner friends, and my fellow human beings, I will.

It's the least I can do.

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