Once in a while I say or do something, or even think something, that makes me feel really guilty.
Sometimes they’re not a big deal. Other times they are.
Usually it’s a big deal if it triggers something in my mind. If I have an epiphany like, “Wow I do this a lot,” or “I just did that recently, and now I’m doing it again?” that’s when it is a big deal to me.
These guilt trips can last for minutes, hours, or days.
The annoying thing is trying to fix the thing you did wrong to make the guilt go away. Sometimes it’s just giving an apology. But even that doesn’t completely fix the guilt, especially if the offended person is still upset with you.
On other occasions, it requires a serious change of heart—a real commitment to not say or do or think that thing anymore. And since that’s more of a process, it makes the guilt kind of linger. It’s not an insta-fix sort of thing, as convenient and lovely as that might be.
I don’t like these occasions. I end up crying, praying, and repenting for a long time in order to feel forgiven, to forgive myself, and to try to change with the Lord’s help.
I guess that’s the right way to try to fix it though, right? :-/
Oh life. Why dost thou have to be such a learning process?