Janae Says...

"A person can be lonely even if he is loved by many people, because he is still not the 'One and Only' to anyone." - Anne Frank Well, as I've already discussed in my blog, being able to love and care for somebody is what makes me happy. So naturally, I've felt really lonely recently. It's especially worse during the winter. In times like these, I try to comfort myself by remembering the people that do love me. Though, like Anne Frank says, it's not the same, it does provide some reassurance. I found these pictures last time I was home. My parents, back in the day. Apparently they couldn't take good pictures because they didn't have immediate results to tell them that my dad's eyes were half closed. But hey, we're cute anyway! My mommy and me. Dad teaching me all he knows. "Hello?" This one is my favorite. It shows my dad in his most unrestrained state of love for me. Now that I'm 22 he can't real...

Those who know me know I love movies. I love them with an indescribable passion. If I go too long without movies, I get kind of moody and feel a little unbalanced. Today I went and saw Avatar in 3D. Alone. Because I'm used to that. It was by far one of the most amazing and spiritual film experiences of my life. The story, while predictable, was highly entertaining. The characters were sympathetic and real. The special effects, the creativity, the world (Pandora), the creatures were absolutely and breathtakingly beautiful. I teared up several times throughout that movie. While I was watching, before it was even the middle of the movie, I decided that it was amazing. I was trying to come up with the words in my mind to describe the experience. I came up with epic, brilliant, beautiful, and spiritual.  I was so floored and overwhelmed when it was over that I sat and watched most of the credits before I felt like I was going to burst out in verbal exclamation with how m...

This is where we stayed in New York.

Oh you know. I was just in upstate New York from December 19 to the 28th to celebrate Christmas with the paternal side of the family. It was fun. I'm too lazy to recap it all so I'll do pictures and captions. After some annoyances with Delta airlines, I arrived safely at the cabin. This is where we spent most of our time before noon and after 10. This is where I slept. Complete with bra. We cut down our own tree from the property. I was the designated camera girl. We decorated. Or mom and dad did, anyway. I did some baking. We did lots of eating. Lots of sitting around. We hung out with Uncle Marty and Bullet. And Mimi and PooBear We did Christmas. Self-photo shoots. Chinese food. And self-timed photo shoots.

So... I got a big Symphony bar. And a HUGE Symphony bar. And a box of Chocolate Mint Sandwiches. And an awesome sand dollar ornament. And a Cafe Rio gift card--20 freaking dollars! Seriously?! And a miniature loaf of banana nut bread. And a bag of candies and a cute card and Mango body butter (from one student). And a snowflake ornament. And a decoration that says "love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe." Rings pretty true. And a couple of decorated candy canes. And a Tootsie roll canister full of Tootsie Rolls. And a canister of Whoppers. And (from another teacher) some hand soap from Bath & Body Works. Whoa. My kids are awesome. My roommate got me one of those liquid sticks incense things. My other roommate got me a Ghirardelli caramel chocolate bar. Rachel got me Bunness pajamas. Holly got me a cute polka dot fleece blanket! Brianne got me a gift card to In-N-Out and Red Mango! Yesss... The administration got me a $25 University Mall gift card. My mom got m...

Dear Miss Balibrea, Thank you for teaching me English. You are my best English teacher I've had. I think you are a great teacher. Hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. - [Thoughtful Student]

A. I've eaten WAY too much food in the last 48 hours. B. I loved Ender's Game . C. I do not like liars. Hey everyone, want to see Janae get into a rage? Lie to her!

My last post was my 200th post. Whoa. Last Christmas my romantic life was a bit of a mess. This Christmas my romantic life is non-existent. I guess I'd rather have non-existence than sad drama. My day today was awesome. I let my kids do research in the library which saved my voice and stress. They did pretty good, a few students excepting. During my prep period, I didn't really have anything to grade or do. So I went to the faculty room where there lay an array of FOOD waiting for me. Oh the glories that were there. As always, the water warmer and hot cocoa, available--at my disposal. A slim long table containing chips and three or four different types of dip. A table in the corner with five or six crock pots containing various soups, ham, and little smokies. A long table in the middle with a variety of desserts, vegetables and dip, and chips. I loaded up a plate, got some hot chocolate, sat on the couch, and read Ender's Game. It was one of the most relaxed, fun, comfortab...

I'm becoming one of those people who says she's "fine," or "good," or "doing well," when it's not true.

This song makes me feel adventurous.

Sometimes I think that I'm not living my life to its fullest. There are things I want that I don't go after. Because I'm afraid. I am afraid of the unknown. Afraid of failure. I like a planned and structured life. It's where I'm comfortable. And my responsibility runs my life. "In the summer, I shouldn't travel or do something fun. I should plan for the next school year. I should have two jobs. I should work out every day." I wonder if I should make a New Year's resolution to be more daring. To run after the things I want. To stop caring about things I should be doing. And to stop worrying about what might happen.

I love Christmas time. I'm still having a rough time. But when I walk in my front door and see our tree and all our lights and decorations, I smile for a moment. Church was awesome today. The atonement is real. The Spirit is real. Its presence and impact on my life is real. Here is a video of my apartment.

I got up at 6:30 and got ready for work. I ran around at work trying to get my resume printed for my interview with Granite School District. I had essay conferences with students (or briefly lectured the ones without drafts) for three 80-minute periods straight. I took fifteen minutes to eat lunch--leftovers. I got my portfolio ready. I monitored the school party dance for 20 minutes or so while putting the portfolio together. I left at 2:05 PM and went to BYU. I got my letter of recommendation from my professor's office. I went to my interview, filled out a form, got interviewed, and left. I walked back to my professor's office to drop off the TWS. I walked back to my car and arrived back at work at 3:35 PM. I graded 3 periods of journals for an hour and twenty minutes, finishing at 5 PM. I graded and entered late work. I left work. I got home, updated my class website with homework assignments, etc. I got dressed for work at Blockbuster and left at 5:53 PM. I picked up food a...

Fact: As difficult as I know it will be, I'm yearning for a family and for motherhood right now. Fact: I miss all of my friends I used to celebrate Christmas with. We used to have a really fun time, and we were all really good at giving good gifts to each other. Fact: I love giving gifts. I consider it a talent of mine. But I only really enjoy it when I know people well and have put a lot of thought into something they'd enjoy. I have almost no one left outside of my family who I feel I can do that for. Fact: Someone stole my 3-hole puncher. Honestly? Why would you want to steal that? Fact: I was very mad at and mean to my students today. I feel bad. Fact: Almost no one came to Enrichment tonight. Fact: Elf is a funny movie, no matter how few people are there (and no matter how many times you see it). Fact: I'm finding joy in that it's December and there is no snow! Fact: My heart is still broken. I don't know what it will take to unbreak it. Fact: I want something...