There are probably a thousand things I could talk about since it's been 20 days since my last post.
I had a dream last night that I was at the beach on a date with this boy. He was like really small. I wanted a hot chocolate (I guess it was a cold day at the beach), and we held hands to walk over there. Who did we see other than my ex and his posse? Don't worry, I pretended that he wasn't there. Stirred up all sorts of madness around me.
Let's also discuss how I just now received an IM from a 44-year old divorced father of four children who just had to tell me how gorgeous he thinks I am. I mean I know my dad recognizes a beautiful young woman when he sees her, and it's gross and all, but like... Can this just stop? I'm tired of old men. Really. I'm also tired of unattractive ones. I feel like I'm being super shallow and stuff, but I can usually tell if I'm going to find someone attractive or not. Little things bother me a LOT, even physically. Like, bad teeth bug me. Big noses bug me. And boring questions and boring people bug me. I get bored so easily.
I'm trying to decide if I really just have to get to know someone before we start dating. That's what has usually happened for me; I've never done traditional dating. I'm friends first and become attracted in the process. Because if I am on this website, and someone doesn't look even slightly OK to me, I don't even want to give them the time of day in real life. I'll be nice online, but that's kind of it. I don't see these things working out for me. This brings me to my next obnoxious topic...
This boy who blew me off almost two months ago is still rolling around in my brain. He's in my dreams, even! How ridiculous am I? But the chemistry that was there on BOTH sides was incredible to me, and to him. The coincidences were insane. The commonalities were amazing. I never, ever, ever felt something like that before in my life. Instant energy within 5 minutes of talking, no exaggeration. Staying up till 7 AM just talking about whatever, or IMing for three hours about deep thoughts, feelings, and poetry, or texting for hours on end, or calling randomly... That doesn't say, "I don't like you," to me. But being that I haven't heard from him in that long, I wonder if I was just something to pass those hours with, and he settled for it because he'd have been bored otherwise.
I don't know. The thing about this guy was he was really good looking in my eyes. He wasn't tall or really muscular or anything like that, you know? It was the energy that was there on top of a pretty decent physical attraction. So it's not like I'm hoping for someone perfect or super hot.
But he ruined my freaking life. hahaha. It sounds so dramatic, but how am I supposed to feel like that with someone again, so quickly? He's now set this totally ridiculous standard. I wish he hadn't been such a douchebag. I want to kick him in his shin.
Now everyone who messages me is either not attractive or not interesting. I'll try to get into it, message back, be friendly, but then I just get bored with their "I'm trying really hard to be intriguing" questions. Sorry, not interested.
I am annoyed.
Another topic. I lucked out with this mattress. You're always worried if your back will take it, you know? I loved the mattress I picked out when I was engaged, but had no chance of getting that back. The mattress I chose has been amazing. My back has not hurt at all on it. It's so nice. But there's so much empty space. And it'll never get filled because I am a picky bratty silly girl. Hmph.
I love Murray. I love living close to my friend Rachel. I love having company all the time--my grandma, my friend Brianne or Sydnie.
Here are pictures.
I have zero dollars... I can't wait to get paid. 19 more days. I haven't been paid since May, and I'm living on credit and some borrowed money from my parents :(
However, I am proud to say that my gas only cost $13.44 and power cost $22.38! The bills were more than that because of connection fees and all that other dumb stuff they add on. Thanks guys. I'm really poor. I appreciate those tacked on things.
I started class on Tuesday. It was a good and fun class. It's just annoying to me to see and talk about theory instead of practical ways to get at the issue. What do you want ME to do to combat this huge machine that's in place? What? It's just annoying. But such will be my Tuesdays for the next 2.5 years. I'm hoping that I do a good enough job this year that my school will keep me... They did hire me pending my pursuing a reading endorsement, so if they fire me that'd be really sad.
My kids are pretty great. I have a few difficult ones, but such is life for every teacher. The school has some great resources (let's not talk about the grading program), like Teleparent! I can send calls home to inform parents of dates/assignments, to tell them their kid was bad, or tell them their kid was amazing. It's really cool. I also have a projector connected to my computer in my room and am not sure how I ever did without one. It's nice to do this year of teaching because even though there's a learning curve, I learned that last year. I learned that I won't know how to do everything and just have to figure it out or take it as it comes. I also figured out all my procedures last year and how I want things done. So that's saved me quite a bit of time and energy. I'm leaving school at reasonable hours, sometimes even on time at 3:15! The reading class is going OK because I'm just copying the other reading teacher, and she is so amazing and helpful. Like my mama teacher. haha.
Oh also, I've been sick for over a week. Super bad over Labor day weekend, and then I worked all week, preventing myself from getting better. Still coughing as I type. Oh well.
I have rambled for a bajillion pages now. I've felt super internally off balance because of not writing for so long. I need to keep my eye out for more regular posting topics. I gotta go read now. Both for school and for my own professional endeavors. Hope you enjoyed the epic and have something to say in response!