So without going into great detail, I've been a little worried about myself lately. I've felt really despondent and depressed for a couple of months now. I have felt especially bad about myself in the last few weeks due to some situations I'd rather not have gone through.
My sadness has gotten increasingly worse as the summer has progressed. I guess I can only take so much hanging out by myself and feeling lonely. But it really has been bad. I haven't been able to find the motivation to do much of anything that needs to be done. And those who know me know that I am a highly motivated person, usually. No matter how much mental coaxing and self-lecturing I did, I literally have not been able to bring myself to do anything.
I finally cleaned my apartment last week, but it got pretty bad (for me). I haven't done any planning for my classes. I repeat: I haven't done ANY planning for my classes. I've picked novels, and that's about as far as I've gotten.
But today was teachers' first day back at work, and I tell ya, it was a serious kick in the pants. While other teachers got a lot of classroom time (like from 11:30 AM to 3 PM), this is what my day looked like:
Meeting number 1 (for all faculty) from 8:00 AM - 11:30 AM
Meeting number 2 (for provisional teachers) from 11:30 AM - 12:45 PM
Worked in classroom from 12:45 PM - 1:30 PM
Meeting number 3 (for those doing the training on common core tomorrow) from 1:30 - 1:45 PM
Worked in classroom from 1:45 - 2 PM
Meeting number 4 (for all the teachers of a student with a 504) from 2 PM - 2:30 PM
Worked in classroom from 2:30 PM - 5:15 PM (everyone else left at 3 PM)
FOUR MEETINGS?! I got not even two hours of paid time in my classroom to get things together. Wow.
I managed to get all my bulletin boards covered in butcher paper (much harder than you think, when you're doing it alone). I got some posters up on my bulletin board. I got my desk set up. I got my computer and printer networked and hooked up. I got some books organized and most of my stuff put back in its place from before the carpet replacement. I prepared my whiteboard. I got an extensive checklist made to work my butt off for the rest of the week. And probably a lot more stuff that I can't think of right now.
My car was, as usual, the last one in the parking lot.
Then I went to Wal-Mart to get myself a planner. Everyone knows this is a must-have for me. I'm feeling better already just having one.
Tomorrow will be a professional day (in which I have to be one of the teachers of the faculty) from 8 AM to 3 PM. That means no classroom time or planning with everything I have to do (and literally could not bring myself to do before now). I don't even get to sit in the bored crowd to do some brainstorming!
After many weeks of struggling to fill my time, I am now feeling terribly overwhelmed with all that I need to get done. I came home completely exhausted. I seriously sat in my chair and closed my eyes for several minutes, just to do absolutely nothing, because I couldn't.
My exhaustion today isn't even the good, satisfying kind, because so much is still left to be done. Hopefully Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday will be as productive as I hope.
I need sleep. But first! dinner, a shower, baking shortbread cookies, and watching The Office.