Love and Security

It's weird how having someone that you love and who loves you back, having that special someone, that significant other, completely alters everything.

No matter where you are, what you're doing, or how you look, you feel safe and secure. You never feel alone. Someone is waiting to hear all about your day. Someone is waiting to hug you and kiss you. Someone is waiting to find out what you two are going to do for dinner. Someone appreciates your random phone call.

Then when that is gone... When it's taken away, suddenly the world is huge.

The spaces around you are enormous.

The people around you are looking at you, evaluating you.

And for the first time in a long time, you actually care.

You don't have that security and that love anymore, so you focus on the terrible things some stranger might be thinking about you.

Suddenly it matters that you have a bad hair day or that you're not wearing makeup.

Suddenly you've got no one to call on the spur of the moment.

And your Friday night plans are not assumed, or even existent at all.

Suddenly, you feel more alone than you've ever felt.

Comments

Amy said…
Hi Janae, my name is amy and i'm friends with Tanner. I believe he told you awhile back that I came across yours and his blogs and that I really enjoyed reading yours because so many of your entries I could relate to. I have felt the same way you have felt in some of your entries at times. I love your honesty in your writing. I happened to open your blog tonight and saw this entry. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I know I am a stranger but I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and pray that you will be comforted through this difficult time. Sometimes I wonder why we go through things like this, but I know it is for a reason...which I'm sure you hear all the time...but coming from a difficult divorce I know there is purpose and meaning if we cling to our Savior...and I know you will. You are a strong and faithful person. Thank you for your example and honesty in your words. They have helped me through difficult times in my life. My prayers are with you.
January 7, 2009 at 9:04 PM
Hambone Jacobs said…
janae, oh my friend. I love you and I know what you are going through completely sucks but you aren't alone, or being judged. I am there for you whatever time or day it is. Love ya.

Amber
January 12, 2009 at 3:29 PM
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