Janae Says...

It's something of an accomplishment when your bill was $1,162.95 and it's now $130. And you get to pay that whole balance in a couple of days. At that moment, I'll be the proud owner of my couch, TV, and dining set. Moment of pride... Breathe in... breathe out... Done.

So yesterday was pretty cool... I got up pretty early (because I went to bed really early) for a Saturday. I made French toast for breakfast. I got all my take-home grading done (and grades entered). I got laundry done--including clean sheets! I made a new Facebook page for my students only. This way they don't get to see all my pictures and personal status updates and whatnot. I thought it'd be a good way to keep in touch with them. So far I have 39 friends, and counting. I went to Big! Lots and used my 20% discount that I earned on a new set of dishes. The ones I had were cute, but they're plastic, and so I kind of bowed my head in shame every time I went to feed someone. So now I have real, heavy dishes. I still need two more of the small plates in red, and four of the bowls in black. But they have some on order, so I should be fine. And I'm keeping the plastic dishes for my future children's use. Extra dishes are good, right? I love red and black. ...

It's really amazing how much I don't mind doing laundry. It must be something to do with the fact that I have my own washer and dryer. And something to do with the fact that I don't have to carry my laundry to do it anywhere else. And perhaps it has something to do with the huge bulk box of Tide I got at Costco that will last me for several years. And also something to do with loving the smell of clean sheets. Yeah.

Really there are no notable changes in my life... But I get to sleep in tomorrow (a Friday) and Monday! Four-day weekend. I love sleeping. I also pre-ordered my copy of True Grit. And I got a 3 for $20 deal at Blockbuster--Easy A, The King's Speech, and Secretariat. I watched a good movie last night. Smart People. I enjoyed it immensely.  I'm 343 pages away from finishing my book, which is freaking amazing. The book is, I mean. Also the fact that I'm almost done. I love thinking about and discussing complex ideas. Which is why my 8-hour trip to St. George was great. In the car, I got to talk to two of my favorite people about some of my favorite ideas. And I got to see my sister and cute niece. I got lots of grading done today. I was at work for 10 hours. It was a long one. And a rough week in general.  Time for bed.

Right?

Yesterday I had the "opportunity" to chaperone at a dance. I will receive a stipend for it, so whatever, ya know? I was standing off in the corner by the doors, preventing kids from leaving when some of my students spotted me. One was the same kid who picked me up and spun me around on my birthday a few months ago. He likes to talk to me or find any reason to be near me. He stops by my room to say hi whenever he has a hall pass from another teacher. Anyway, he came over to me at least five times to just hang out with me. He tried to get me to dance. He put his arm around me, grabbed my arms to try to pull me out to dance, and all sorts of other awkwardness. Add on the fact that after grabbing my arm, he told me, "You're soft!" Wow. Only boyfriends are allowed to say that. Then another student, who is a pain in the butt every day, came over to hang out with me. Then both boys stood on either side of me. This one made obnoxious, flirtatious, inappropriate comm...

Some kids are oblivious. Some are deaf. Some are obnoxious. Some are loud. Many are lazy. Most are ungrateful. Several are rude. Notice that all of these kinds of students are the ones who make my job difficult. They're the ones who stand out (as opposed to the on-task, focused, quiet, hard-working, grateful, conscientious ones). So they're the ones who affect me the most in terms of discouraging me and making me question my path of employment. One student in particular is just mean. He has been this whole year. He just says mean things. He likes to blame his failing grades on me. Last week, when I said, "You guys are going to have to teach each other. Don't talk at the class! You think I'm boring? Wait till you teach each other!" This student called out, "You kind of ARE!" Wow. Thanks. I let it roll off my back, and I didn't cry or get upset about it at all. But I do remember it. I will forever. Because I'm a blue. I have always tried ...

I never wash my car. Well, almost never. Between the months of October and April (half the year. Thanks, Utah), I don't wash my car. Why drop even $6 to wash my car when it's going to get rained or snowed on anyway? What is the point of that? So the weather's been nice the last couple days (almost 80 yesterday), and I decided yesterday that I would deep clean my car today. I went and paid for the second best automatic wash. Then I vacuumed my car as thoroughly as I could. Some of the stuff is like permanently ingrained into the carpet because of snow and rain and stuff. Oh well. Maybe when I'm a rich guy I can pay for a car carpet shampooing. I came home and dusted out the inside.  I used glass cleaner on all the windows inside of my car. I used Black Magic (like a polish/protectant) on the interior of my car. I even ripped out my center console and cleaned that very thoroughly. Man, my car looks goooooood. And I'm excited. I want to go for a drive j...

I am a fairly satisfied person. I accept life as it is and don't usually expect things to be worse or hope for things to be better. I try to appreciate where I'm at, the blessings I have, and the people I love. I am pretty independent. I don't mind doing things alone. I go to the theater alone. I get food alone (not to sit-down places... yet...). I do most things alone, really. I fear that I am far too comfortable in my really selfish routine. I like doing whatever I want whenever I want to. I like not having added obstacles like children to factor in to my decisions. I like not considering too closely what I'm going to eat because I'm the only one to impress. My life alone is what it is. I've been really satisfied with it for a long time. No one to put hope in. No one to expect things from. No one to keep me company, so loneliness is just not an issue because it's been the same for so long. And, of course, if I have none of these things, I have no one...

I love Big! Lots. I don't know how many times on my blog I've confessed this fact. But seriously. I really love Big! Lots. My kitchen is red and black themed (even though I have a lot of white appliances, sadly)... So when I found a red bamboo bowl for my fruits/veggies, I was pretty excited. I paid $10 for it. But it's bamboo! and it's red! And I needed a legit bowl for that stuff, ya know? *That there is the exact bowl that I purchased. When I went to find a picture of it, I found it here , where I learned that it costs $31. And how much did I pay? $10? Oh yeeaaaaah! Made me even more excited. I'm big into hair removal, so I was pretty excited to get a Smooth Away kit for $2.50 where they are normally $10. I should probably just stock up, but anyway... I got 30, count them THIRTY, Fiber One bars for $5. That's what I'm talkin' about. Oh, and you know those Velveeta shells & cheese things? My old roommate used to live off those things. $1...

Earlier this week I wrote something unlike anything I've written before. Mostly I consider myself to be good at communicating with words. I'm not very creative. I don't think of stories or characters. I don't daydream. But I had the beginning of an autobiographical fiction piece in my head for a long time. So I started it and went through a pretty quick process of fleshing it out and taking it in one direction. It was an exhilarating experience, really. Being in the middle of it and wondering what direction I should take it (since there were so many available to me) was really frustrating. And for those moments I actually felt like, "a writer."  I loved how frustrated I was! It's by no means amazing. I always read things several months after I wrote them and realize, "Wow, that was a piece of crap." So, I'm sure it's even worse than I can acknowledge right now. The sweet boyfriend thinks I should submit it somewhere. :) Isn't ...

So whenever I shower I shed a lot of hair from my head. Pretty normal. But I get really sad when I lose a strand of longer length. I think of it kind of like an old tree getting cut down: "Look how old it is! Look how long it's been growing!" Yeah, I liken my long hair strands to old trees and am sad when either one is lost. Weird? Probably.

While I was in California for spring break, I went to the grocery store. I saw an employee who I recognized as a childhood friend who lived eight houses down from me. I hesitated. "Do I say hi?" I asked myself silently. "Would she recognize me?" "No, she wouldn't. Or if she did she'd be thinking how much weight you've gained." And while those were my actual thoughts, the last one is not the reason I didn't say hello. Something in me wanted to keep our childhood memories as they were. I didn't want the awkwardness of the one and a half minute catch up conversation. I didn't want her to see me now. I didn't want her to know that I saw her now. It would make all our last memories fade away. So I said nothing. Was there any logic to my thinking?