August GBOMB

Good

Therapy. I had a couple of therapy appointments in August, and I just love her questions and her observations. I wish it were in person, but I'll take what I can get, and am grateful my work covers 12 sessions. 

AJ's safety and delight. On August 31, I saw a pattern before bed. AJ made endless bids for connection. I think we did a pretty good job honoring his requests although the list was endless. First it was, "Mom and dad, do you want to watch Jumanji?" Trying to pick a movie title we all like as a family. Then it was,  "Dad, let's do battling!" And it was, "Let's have a tickle party!" Then, "Mom, let's dance! Dad, come dance!" Then, "Can we snuggle in your bed?" This boy just had infinite ways he wanted to connect with his parents, and it made me so happy. And also so sad that this time is so fleeting. 

Meet. I had a powerlifting meet, and I didn't get disqualified. I actually "won," but only by a lower weigh-in. I got 7 out of 9 white lights, which was better than last time, but still not what I wanted. It was a better experience though, all in all. 

Ms. Debbie's. We got a free Ms. Debbie's box in exchange for some content. AJ loves the activities and is so excited to do them every day. 


Summer. I am excited for fall but really just love summer. I love pool weekends. I love eating ice cream outside as a family. I love a reason to eat hot dogs. I love corn and peaches. I love the road not being a driving hazard, and getting dressed not being an ordeal. 

Bad

Parasomnia. For as long as I can remember I've had in-bed sleep walking and frequent sleep talking experiences. I have been waking Matthew up almost every night with whatever talking or moving I am doing in my sleep. Matthew told me one night I actually got up, left my bed with my mask on, and opened the bathroom door while he was using the toilet, then went back to sleep. I don't remember doing this. I don't take any sleep aids. I just want restful sleep. 

Squash bugs. My yellow squash plant went from absolutely thriving to struggling to dead despite my efforts to kill eggs, kill nymphs, and kill adults. I HATE squash bugs. May they all burn. 

Illness. We had a rough week the last week of August. Matthew had terrible allergies. I had a two day allergy/cold situation, still don't know which since it was mild. AJ was up all night puking on Wednesday night to Thursday morning. Thankfully we all got over our issues fairly quickly. Just wish we hadn't had any to begin with, obviously. 


On My Brain

Lindsay Clancy. Early in the month, this case was on my mind all day and night, and is so heavy on my heart. I have so much to say, and was so distraught I scheduled therapy. There was a really nuanced post on Instagram that captured my thoughts so succinctly, but I think it has been deleted. It was basically about holding space to be heartbroken for the loss of the kids, seeing the dismal failure of the system for a woman asking for help, and still know there needs to be accountability. All of the things can be true. The whole case is heartbreaking. No matter what happens, nobody wins. I think that's the worst part of it all. 

Handle with care. I saw a post shared by Adam Grant that a teacher set up a system where parents could let her know to "handle with care," in reference to their child. Maybe they had a hard night or a hard morning or just generally needed some extra patience that day. I would've loved to have had this in my junior high classroom. I always tell our daycare lady when AJ may have a rough day. If only we all could share that kind of context at work, or put a sign at our desk. "Handle with care." Sometimes we just need some extra patience and understanding. 

Mental sabotage. I am struggling to find the balance between being grounded and having hope when it comes to fertility. I'm so used to my period coming, I just expect that that's what will happen. But then I know the law of attraction can do incredible things especially for healing. So is just expecting my period to come preventing me from conceiving? It's such a hard balance to find, hoping for the best but expecting the worst. 

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