September GBOMB

Good

Skip-level discussion. I met with the Chief HR Officer at work which happens about twice a year. It was such a good meeting with lots of reassurance and positive feedback. It came at a time when I was feeling pretty down, too. 

Autumn. It's so fun when the weather starts cooling down. It feels like it happens overnight. We decorated on the last Saturday of September, and AJ was so excited. We visited Spirit Halloween, and AJ was living his best life. We went to Cornbelly's during opening week. It's just such a fun season. 

Gym PRs. Hitting a new deadlift PR on 9/26 was so exciting. Matching my best squat without peeing and having it be easier was also exciting. Bench is slowly feeling stronger as well. 

AJ Learning. AJ started Waterford Upstart in September, and I ordered another Ms. Debbie's reading box because he loved the first one and wanted to keep doing them. He really enjoys both, and it makes me so happy. I hope I can always keep that love for learning going in him. 

Family time. It was so nice to have a couple of hours in Logan with my brother and his family. It had been a really long time, at least 5 months if not 6. Then they came to our house for the first time for a little bit before my work party. 

Fun things. This month we went to the Aquarium, the State Fair, the Zoo for my company party, and Cornbelly's. That's a lot of fun stuff in one month!

Bad

Illness. With AJ's throw up in August, then diarrhea the first week of September, followed immediately by a bad long-term cough, I am ready to be done with illness. 

Relationships. Lots of family tension happening still that's unresolved that stresses me out a lot. Some friendships have hit bumps in the road, and things feel different. It's hard not to take it all on as personal deficiency and reviewing my memory for mistakes or things I said wrong. I feel like I give a lot of grace and sure wish it was returned. 

Body pains. I just feel like it's one thing after another with my body. I had a sciatic thing last month. This month I woke up with a wonky hip. And I have had some severe shoulder pain that hasn't let up too much. I've also had some weird grinding going on in my lower back that isn't painful. I know aging is just part of life, but I take really good care of myself and work really hard to stay mobile; so it's just frustrating to have this stuff happen anyway.

Driving. I just feel like we do so much more driving after moving to Taylorsville. I have mentioned this before. But it just feels like things we want or like or are used to are farther away. It's especially annoying during an inconvenience. For example, I tried to pick up a very time (and price) sensitive Rx in Midvale on my way to get AJ from daycare. Their payment systems were down. So I got AJ, took him home, had to call the pharmacy, and drive back to Midvale to pick up the Rx. This wouldn't have been a big deal at all in our condo or our last home. 

On My Brain

Fertility. The way it takes over everything in my life. Headache or neck pain? No NSAIDS because they can hurt ovulation. An adult beverage sounds fun? No because alcohol isn't good for fertility. Need a boost of caffeine? Probably not great for fertility. I accept these restrictions and know I'll be uncomfortable when I am pregnant. But I'm having to actually be uncomfortable all the time, even not pregnant. Also, inflammatory foods. Do I really need to cut those out to help my chances? Dairy and gluten are frequently called out as being inflammatory, especially with thyroid issues and fertility issues. I just feel like I'm already sacrificing so much to make this happen, why do I have to give up donuts too? It's exhausting, honestly. I've also started to set up IVF consultations. I am on waitlists for the Reproductive Care Center and the Utah Fertility Center (pending someone speaks to me about my bad experience last time). I have an appointment at Conceptions in Provo. And I got a call from the Utah Fertility Specialists who don't seem to have a wait. 

Others' relationships. I know a few different people who are unhappy in their marriages right now for various reasons. It's hard to watch friends struggle. 

Vehicles. My car is almost 20 years old. It still runs like a champ. It needs some maintenance but nothing too major is wrong with it. The air conditioner is finicky and does not work more often than it does work, sadly. So it was a rough summer. My mom has offered me her car, but it also is used and comes with its own set of issues and repairs. The air conditioning is nice, but I'm feeling super reluctant about it for lots of reasons. It's taking up a lot of brain space just trying to decide.

Abuse of women. It's hard not to think about what with the Cornell case, and I started watching the Testaments on Hulu in September. I want to have a baby girl, which we may get to choose if we do IVF. But I don't want this life experience for her. Women are not treated well in our world, and it would break my heart to bring a girl into it knowing what she's up against.