Monday, December 6, 2010

Church and Rice Krispie Treats

I tried my hand at Rice Krispie Treats tonight.

They came out OK. I couldn't get the marshmallow to spread evenly. Not sure how to make that better in the future.

Apparently they only stay good for a day or two tops. So I packaged up two for each of my TAs as a Christmas thank you. Cute, huh? I'm so nice. Pretty sure everyone wants to be my TA.

For the last month or so I have really struggled in my faith. I won't get into it suffice it to say that troubles with my younger brother and other personal things have just made it really hard for me.

I've felt my heart harden, felt a resistance to repent, felt my desire to go to church waning, felt the Spirit distancing itself from me, felt like prayer doesn't matter, and felt my scripture study decreasing in importance and frequency. I suppose we all go through times like this for different reasons.

On Sunday I decided to fast for myself, for a change... To feel humbled, to be able to sincerely repent, to have my heart softened, and have the Spirit return to me.

Ladies and gents, I tell ya... I think my testimony in pretty much everything increased yesterday.

In my fast, all it took was the sacrament hymn, "With Humble Heart," to get me to totally break down in tears. Already my heart had softened. I could feel the importance of the Savior's atonement for me, and the broken heart and contrite spirit that I needed to bring the atonement into play.

Every Sunday during sacrament I read Isaiah 53. This time I read each verse slowly and cried after nearly every single one. Testimony of the scriptures? Increased.

Then I met with the bishop for tithing settlement. I thought it would be a quick 5-minute one. I try not to be wordy, especially when the bishop has so many others to get through. But at this point my testimony of the priesthood, priesthood leadership, prayer, and fasting all increased. In what was supposed to be a, "Yep I pay my tithing" interview, the bishop saw right through my smiles and "I'm good"s. He knew something was up and pretty much blindsided me with knowing that there was something I wasn't saying. He told me that, "There was something behind my eyes" that told him I had more to say. I didn't think on that day that I was ready to say what I needed to say, but I guess if he saw it in me then the Lord knew I was ready.

The bishop is having everyone set a goal for the new year. Mine is to renew my temple recommend and visit the temple twice per month. I've got a ways to go. But I've come from much farther behind before!

I tell ya... When I feel so unworthy of forgiveness and so far away from and so unloved by the Lord, He's got a way of making me do a big 180.

The Savior lives. Heavenly Father loves us. He gave us His son, so that we could be with Him again. This is no small act of love.

"And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock." (Matt 7:25)

Sometimes parts of my foundation slip into the sand. I ought not to let it get so far.

1 comment:

StacyB said...

How much I love you, and sorry I didn't read this sooner. You are a special spirit. I am sad for all of us that we must go through this trial. All my love, Mom.