Janae Says...

... Not that kind of need, you sickos. I've been in a funk since Saturday! Saturday! It's Monday now! I determined this morning that I need to be done with this and write it out. I always forget that when I fall into a funk, it is often because I have not written. How many times have I said that on this blog? Can someone send me periodic, "Janae you need to write before you get psycho" reminders? No? Ugh. Just in the way of complaints: I really hate having to say no when friends want to go out to eat. I hate saying no to driving to see friends because I can't afford gas. I hate plugging numbers in to my budget worksheet and trying to make it all work out and having it come way too close for comfort when I'm not even spending money on things I want , and am putting off getting things I need . I'm not spending any extra money (OK, so Red Mango over a week ago doesn't count. I haven't had it in like 2 months). Grrr, money problems. I get tha...

So I've been working out three times a week consistently for several weeks now. I've made "checking in" at 24 Hour Fitness on my phone a pretty regular thing. I worked out way too hard on Saturday--trying to pick up my back exercises where I left off, oh, like, 8 months ago. Bad idea. I couldn't even lift my arms all the way today. I'll just say that. So since Monday is usually my upper body/arms day, I decided to scratch that and just do a bout of cardio on my beloved elliptical. My arms are getting back to normal semi-rapidly, so I don't feel a lot of pressure to work them out excessively. And to clarify, by "normal" I mean "less fat." Anyway, I realize that's probably super boring for everyone but me who likes to document every little accomplishment in her life, so! On to this connecting this fierce determination to this weird satisfaction I feel about life lately. I've been getting very small amounts of sleep for oh,...

Muscle Milk. I seriously hate it. I like these Carnation breakfast drinks, right? So there's a recipe with one of those packets, milk, half a banana, some ice, and let's be honest, why not add some peanut butter? I had it the other morning and really enjoyed it, but today I thought I'd make one a little more substantial because I am STARVING. Seriously, I've been really hungry the last couple of days. Anyway, I thought I'd use protein powder instead of the Carnation one. Gross.  I mean, it's drinkable and all, but the Carnation one is way better. The texture that the Muscle Milk causes is not my favorite--like a weird powder grainy feeling in my mouth. Ew. I bought it because protein shakes are an easy lunch most days, and Costco had a pretty good deal on it. But I much prefer my Body Fortress kind--that one is actually good. I just used the Muscle Milk because it expires sooner than my other powder. In short, I don't like Muscle Milk. /e...

Janae: "I really, really want to go to Graceland." Boy: "Let's go. I'll take you." Janae: "OK but I want to drive all the way there!" Boy: "That would be cool. We can do that." Janae: "I want to go to Peru sooooo bad." Boy: "Why do you want to go to Peru?" Janae: "Because I watched Apocalypto tonight with Rachel and it looks awesome and I want to see the ruins and it just looks awesome in everyone's pictures!" Boy: "Let's go." Boy: "I watch Jeopardy and So You Think You Can Dance." Ummm... I see amazing things in my future. Especially if you know how much I love my show.

I had no title for this blog, and that's the last song that played on my iPod as I was leaving the gym today... Where I did a pretty intense bout of lower body exercises and worked off approximately 380 calories in 35 minutes of cardio. Today all of my classes were really good. It was surprising. I don't know if it's a conscious decision of mine to be more smiley, positive, patient, or what... Or if it's my new seating chart... Or if it's the kids behaving better... Or if it's a better planned lesson... But I have already learned all of the names in my 2B class (where all but two or three students are new). And my lesson plans in English and reading today went REALLY well. In English, we spent the first 45 minutes or so in groups doing mnemonic device posters for our roots and commonly confused words. Some of them came out really cute. A lot of the groups worked well together (I assigned them). We spent the next 35 minutes doing an anticipation guide f...

You know, I was once called an unstable and ugly person. There were lots of other choice words used to describe me as well. I struggled for a long time over that cruel piece of writing directed at me. This blog was meant to inform everyone about how happy I am. I guess I thought I would start by recalling those harsh words to decide if that really (was or) is the case. I thought it might provide a nice contrast to seriously evaluate myself. I am happy because: I devote my time to being well-planned so that I can teach really, really difficult students in spite of themselves. I use up all my energy trying to teach them effectively and manage their behavior at the same time. I work hard to keep grades up to date.  I show mercy to them when they want to turn in work late. I do my darnedest to get them to pass by handing them all the work that they're missing. I have been working out regularly (380 calories in 35 minutes today, by the way, plus an upper body workout...

"The Rock And The Tide" See a mountain, see an ocean, see the years that bring Rock and tide together Settle down I said to myself, things that come with time Will always be better Everyone gets what they want too fast, these days No one knows the way to make things last Still I say, Hey Baby, I'm through waiting 'Cause I need you now I'll show you how You can take my hand and save me, C'mon save me Now the moon is in the right place after years of spinning 'round the sun, so I'm done with all the times I strained to find a rhyme left me blind and busted Everyone gets what they want too fast, these days No one knows the way to make things last Still I say, Hey Baby, I'm through waiting 'Cause I need you now I'll show you how You can take my hand and save me, C'mon save me

Since I was really little, I have been very independent. As a 3-year old, I wanted to pick all my own outfits and change my clothes. I remember wanting to learn how to tie my shoes "BY MYSELF!" As a teenager, I felt guilty ever asking for things to be given to me. If I was ever given money to go anywhere or do something fun, I was sure I had as much change as possible to bring home. I woke myself up with an alarm from when I was around 8 years old. I imposed my own bedtime in junior high.  I kept track of all my own homework all throughout school. I never went to tutoring or asked for help: "I can figure it out on my own!" I got a job at age 17, before senior year. I decided to do an internship alone instead of student teaching because, "I want to run things MY way." Now in a somewhat pressured financial situation, when my mom is ready and willing to help me out, what do I say? "No, I don't want you to help me. I want to face...

Even after having Vacuumed my whole apartment Cleaned the bathroom Wiped down the kitchen Done dishes Packed up Christmas Graded and entered a bunch of stuff I think the thing that makes me feel most satisfied in a day is having a good conversation. Truly. I can sleep better and more willingly if I've had a good one. My visiting teachers just left (they were here for like an hour), and it's the first time I've been visit taught... Well... Ever. In five years of singles wards. I'm not perfect at visiting teaching, but I try SO hard to be diligent about it because I think it's so important. I'm so glad they came. We talked about movies, our families a little, social tendencies... But the best part was our extensive conversation regarding how lacking we find Stephenie Meyers' fiction and how obsessed we all are with Harry Potter. We had a very deep discussion about Harry Potter and our favorite characters and the differences between the movies an...

I wanted to blog the other day about how productive I was. But I've been productive and busy pretty much every day. Monday -I graded and entered lots of stuff at work (journals, late work) -Had lesson plans go smoothly -Left work about 3:30 -Went to the gym and did an awesome 50 minute elliptical sesh. (I reached 500 calories before 45 minutes. We'll see how quickly I can get back in shape because I was at one time able to do 800 calories in an hour--400 in 30 minutes). -I took some grading home and actually finished it! -I had a yummy healthy dinner -Watched The Kids Are All Right (Focus Features for the win) I can't remember what else I did, but I do know that I felt awesome at the end of the day for having done so much. Tuesday was also really busy... Work, grading, good lessons, class for 2.5 hours, home, and Skyping. And today's another good one... Work, grading, successful lessons, gym for over an hour, possibly another Skype sesh to come? I have ...

The last 5 minutes of my drive home from work, I kept seeing something out of the corner of my left eye... You know, kind of like a car is riding to the left and behind you a little? I was so bugged at how this car was at a constant position and speed at my left. Till I actually turned my head and realized that a bird took a dook on my car. Seriously, bird? Gross.

I asked for a Magic Bullet a month and a half before Christmas. I really wanted one so I could make smoothies. Sometimes kids get new toys and play with them for like a week, and then they get bored with it. I am no such kid. And my Magic Bullet is no such toy. I've made 4 or 5 smoothies this week, including one today, which I am finishing right now. I bought a big bag of frozen mixed fruit at Costco for about $8. I bought some bananas, some strawberry yogurt, and I always have orange juice on hand. Each smoothie probably costs a (totally) guesstimated total of $1, tops. Take that, Jamba! I fill up about half the cup with the fruit, cut up half of a banana, pour some orange juice in there till it's about 1/3 up, and then a few spoonfuls of yogurt. Perfect texture, perfect taste, perfectly healthy! It.is.so.yummy!

Probably the best part of life are the things (or people) that walk in when we least expect them... The kinds of things that give you butterflies.  But I know from lots of experience that there's danger in hope.  So I'm going to stop there. Today: Homework Groceries/Errands Get gas Do lesson plans Grade Clean Take down Christmas Set up visiting teaching times I'm going to call it good if I do three of those things today. Seriously, I'm feeling very unmotivated.

Waking up to my own (awesome) song choice? Check. Waking up to spectacularly sweet text messages from someone darling? Check. Delicious smoothie for breakfast? Check. Owning a highly useful Magic Bullet to make said smoothie? Check. All (except three) green lights on the way to work? Check. Amazingly quiet and focused 3B, 4B, 1A, and 3A? Check. The above success because of my most excellent lesson planning skills? Check. Today is a good, good day.

Weird how when I think of my most romantic dates, they took place long after I had been dating somebody. The love was already established. The happiness and security existed. Then the evening was made romantic by whatever the situation was... The ambiance of whatever time or place or circumstance. Like romantic dates just amplified and brought to the surface our feelings for each other. Romance can't happen on first dates with strangers because there's no developed feeling to express. It just comes off as trying too hard and would create awkwardness in attempting to force serious romance. I attach feelings to certain things, like weather. Different types of weather make me feel and remember different things. Music. Smells. Lighting. The way the sunlight looks, especially in the evening. There have not been many moments in my life where I've been able to recognize the romance in the actual moment it occurred. But when I did, it was amazing. Like I wanted those second...

OK... I'm jumping on the bandwagon and thought I'd mention some highlights from last year--2010. Birthday dinner with friends Birthday in Vegas with parents... Criss Angel! My boyfriend.  My fish surviving My car getting graffitied on by losers.  Meeting Cary Brothers and listening to him and taking a picture with him that's really, really ugly Graduating! Going to Hawaii Moving to my apartment, buying furniture and cool grown up stuff like that.  Rappelling for the first time! (Sorry, this picture is terrible)  Buying pumpkins with my best friend.  Christmas with my family... I guess all in all it has been a really eventful and good year. I mean there's always bad stuff, right? But I made it out of 2010 in one pretty happy and healthy piece. I can see why people do recaps like this. I had to go back through my pictures for the year. I'm glad I take so many so that I can remember it all. It makes me feel proud to look at all ...

"Blues are gratified when they are listened to, when they feel understood and appreciated. They are notorious for revealing their inadequacies, because they value being known and understood so much. In the eyes of a blue, being vulnerable is a small price to pay for the chance to connect emotionally. Blues may have their hearts broken more than most people, but they also spend much more time in love." So nice to have things articulated so much better than I can do it.

My dad said if his business accelerates I should come work for him as an office manager. That's the kind of job that requires no brains, little effort, and no stress. I can leave work at work, exercise, and have energy all the time to do what I love and what makes me happy, as well as pursue some new things. Like a boy I may or may not be interested in. Plus I'd be making more than twice as much as I am now. It really depresses me that I worked so hard to get here and work so hard all the time and don't have too much to show for it. Plus, I live in Utah. Ugh. When I am in California, I feel like it is where I belong. It feels like home, and it makes me feel peaceful and happy. I don't know how much longer I can stay where I'm at.  After I finish my reading endorsement I think I will come back down here and take that job with my dad. And I am completely serious. I don't feel too much hope at the beginning of the year because to me it's just "...